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I have been thinking alot about my parents and my own parenting lately. Since I have been spending much more large chunks of time with my 76 year old mother and 80 year old father lately some interesting things have happened and I am curious if anyone has experienced this as well or has any thoughts regarding the subject in general. I am not going to bore you will how great my upbringing was but with an interesting phenomena that has occurred recently between they and I. I have gotten to know them as "people" recently and not just as my parents. I have asked many questions about how they feel about different things (politics, religion, life, death, love, marriage etc) and things from their upbringings.

One specific conversation I had with my father just about floored me. He is a physicist and a man of science obviously so I asked him about God and his belief and how most folks like him need proof. I went into the discussions we have around here about believers and non believers and everything in between. My parents are super religious, tithe and the whole nine yards and always have. My father said to me first that you can't prove there isn't a God just like you can't prove there is one. Then he said to me so matter of fact "well I guess you could say I am somewhere between an agnostic and a believer". I was like :eh: . He said if I turn out to be correct I go to heaven as promised and if I am wrong I have lost nothing. I never would have heard or believed it had I not asked.

 

These thoughts and thread are in no way trying to spur on any religious discussion or I would have landed it elsewhere. I was just curious if anyone has any thoughts or stories of their own about knowing or "really knowing" your own parents or the person or persons who raised you.

 

If you read through all of this I really appreciate you're patience and attention anyway.... :D

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I totally agree. As you get older yourself you see your parents as people in their own right & not just "mum & dad". You also understand just how much they have sacrificed to raise you.

 

Before my dad died, I had many talks with him about things that I never would have raised previously. And what's more, I learnt a hell of a lot.

 

I talk to my mum as much as I can now, because I find I need to know what she's about & who she really is before it's too late.

 

I don't know if that makes sense.

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I totally agree. As you get older yourself you see your parents as people in their own right & not just "mum & dad". You also understand just how much they have sacrificed to raise you.

 

Before my dad died, I had many talks with him about things that I never would have raised previously. And what's more, I learnt a hell of a lot.

 

I talk to my mum as much as I can now, because I find I need to know what she's about & who she really is before it's too late.

 

I don't know if that makes sense.

Perfect sense. It probably also has something to do with mortality I would think. The next time I see them could be the last for any number of reasons....
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My father said to me first that you can't prove there isn't a God just like you can't prove there is one. Then he said to me so matter of fact "well I guess you could say I am somewhere between an agnostic and a believer". I was like . He said if I turn out to be correct I go to heaven as promised and if I am wrong I have lost nothing.

 

I think they call that "Pascal's Wager". :)

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My parents are kinda into their own lives. It's sad but, I'm am the black sheep (middle child) and we don't really talk much. My dad will call but it's mostly his obligatory call because (I think) his wife tells him to call. My mom feigns interest but I think is happier living her own life away from me. She likes to be thought of as a great parent or grandparent but doesn't want to actually be either. Just wants the reputation.

 

My point, I don't really know them well at all. :huh:

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My parents aren't very deep, so we don't have too many intellectual conversations. But now that I'm an adult and I have given them grandchildren, our relationship has really changed. My mom is no longer this over bearing control freak. Now she is so afraid that I won't include her in our lives, she no longer put her nose in any of my business. It's so much easier being around now than it was when I was a teen. :LOL:
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My father said to me first that you can't prove there isn't a God just like you can't prove there is one. Then he said to me so matter of fact "well I guess you could say I am somewhere between an agnostic and a believer". I was like . He said if I turn out to be correct I go to heaven as promised and if I am wrong I have lost nothing.

 

I think they call that "Pascal's Wager". :)

Well they are all in with their own money.... :)
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Great thread Narp. :) I've enjoyed reading everyone's responses. I like to imagine that things would have been similar to your experience Narp. Unfortunately, I lost both parents when I was in my 20s. They did get to meet my husband but never see or hold their grandchildren. I think what I would have wanted most, is for my kids to have met my parents and to see what my mom and dad would have been like with these little ones? Would they have been goofy, serious...
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Great thread Narp. :) I've enjoyed reading everyone's responses. I like to imagine that things would have been similar to your experience Narp. Unfortunately, I lost both parents when I was in my 20s. They did get to meet my husband but never see or hold their grandchildren. I think what I would have wanted most, is for my kids to have met my parents and to see what my mom and dad would have been like with these little ones? Would they have been goofy, serious...

My mothers parents both died young and I have only vague memories of them. Happy ones but vague. My fathers parents lived into their mid 80's so I knew and got to spend some wonderful time with them especially towards the end of their lives. They were married over 60 years and died in separate hospitals 1 day apart :heart: so my father buried them together and I was able to go to south Texas to the funeral. Like I have said before I have been blessed with some great people in my life to learn from and hopefully am living up to their high standards. I would never want to do anything to embarrass them.... :)
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My parents are 82 & 83, and thankfully in good health. But every day that goes by I know they are closer to going away, and I am going to be a basketcase when that happens. So in the meantime I do try to see them as often as I can, and it just so happens I'm having dinner with them tonight.

 

Like ILS, my parents aren't that deep either. And I grew up not knowing that it was good to talk about feelings and emotions; those are things I've had to learn, and since my parents don't do much of that it sort of limits some of the discussions we have. But I connect with them as much as is possible.

 

My mother's parents died a few weeks apart back when she was just ten years old. I once said something to her about it being unfortunate that she never really got to know her mom, and she replied that she knew her quite well. But I think back to my relationship with my mom and just how much that changed from when I was 10 to 20 and even now...there's no comparison, really. Now my parents are more like friends than they are the authority figures they were when I was a child.

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I have lived with my parents my entire life.....because of my condition......there's really no other choice. I know them very well as people cause well......i'm always here. We've had many discussions about well......everything. they are 2 of the finest people i know simply because they've let me grow into my own views on my own. They had many opportunities to influence me yet they have not. Just to use an example my entire family is deeply religious.....save for me. Yet they never once got angry when i said i was an atheist and that religion was no longer making me happy. the point of all this is that my parents and i have a very open and healthy relationship.

 

Mick

Edited by bluefox4000
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I have lived with my parents my entire life.....because of my condition......there's really no other choice. I know them very well as people cause well......i'm always here. We've had many discussions about well......everything. they are 2 of the finest people i know simply because they've let me grow into my own views on my own. They had many opportunities to influence me yet they have not. Just to use an example my entire family is deeply religious.....save for me. Yet they never once got angry when i said i was an atheist and that religion was no longer making me happy. the point of all this is that my parents and i have a very open and healthy relationship.

 

Mick

Even as religious as my parents always have been they have never said word one about me not going to church or raising my children that way. I am pretty sure they see their beliefs as personal and wanted me and my siblings exposed to it growing up but after that its up to me. For the record I am eternally grateful for the exposure. I learned many valuable lessons that are still part of me today. ...
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I have lived with my parents my entire life.....because of my condition......there's really no other choice. I know them very well as people cause well......i'm always here. We've had many discussions about well......everything. they are 2 of the finest people i know simply because they've let me grow into my own views on my own. They had many opportunities to influence me yet they have not. Just to use an example my entire family is deeply religious.....save for me. Yet they never once got angry when i said i was an atheist and that religion was no longer making me happy. the point of all this is that my parents and i have a very open and healthy relationship.

 

Mick

Even as religious as my parents always have been they have never said word one about me not going to church or raising my children that way. I am pretty sure they see their beliefs as personal and wanted me and my siblings exposed to it growing up but after that its up to me. For the record I am eternally grateful for the exposure. I learned many valuable lessons that are still part of me today. ...

 

I had my share too. Went to church......read the entire bible and made my decision. I was scared to tell them. with the horror reaction stories you hear. but they were very understanding.

 

Mick

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I have lived with my parents my entire life.....because of my condition......there's really no other choice. I know them very well as people cause well......i'm always here. We've had many discussions about well......everything. they are 2 of the finest people i know simply because they've let me grow into my own views on my own. They had many opportunities to influence me yet they have not. Just to use an example my entire family is deeply religious.....save for me. Yet they never once got angry when i said i was an atheist and that religion was no longer making me happy. the point of all this is that my parents and i have a very open and healthy relationship.

 

Mick

Even as religious as my parents always have been they have never said word one about me not going to church or raising my children that way. I am pretty sure they see their beliefs as personal and wanted me and my siblings exposed to it growing up but after that its up to me. For the record I am eternally grateful for the exposure. I learned many valuable lessons that are still part of me today. ...

 

I had my share too. Went to church......read the entire bible and made my decision. I was scared to tell them. with the horror reaction stories you hear. but they were very understanding.

 

Mick

They sound like wonderful folks and you are fortunate to have them..... :codger:
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My parents are kinda into their own lives. It's sad but, I'm am the black sheep (middle child) and we don't really talk much. My dad will call but it's mostly his obligatory call because (I think) his wife tells him to call. My mom feigns interest but I think is happier living her own life away from me. She likes to be thought of as a great parent or grandparent but doesn't want to actually be either. Just wants the reputation.

 

My point, I don't really know them well at all. :huh:

 

My relationship with my parents is a lot like this. I will say that I have some good conversations with my dad sometimes, and that has only started in the past few years (I'm 41as of this writing). But I only go to his house about twice a year, and he comes to mine once a year (and we live 20 minutes apart).

 

Neither of my parents are all that much into being grandparents, and they do their own thing. My mother and stepfather travel pretty much all the time, and that's their thing. I see them about three times a year.

 

The saddest thing is that they'll be gone before I know it, and I don't even know if I'm going to notice. :huh:

 

I suppose I shouldn't say that because I'm not in that situation yet, but that's kind of how I feel now.

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My parents are kinda into their own lives. It's sad but, I'm am the black sheep (middle child) and we don't really talk much. My dad will call but it's mostly his obligatory call because (I think) his wife tells him to call. My mom feigns interest but I think is happier living her own life away from me. She likes to be thought of as a great parent or grandparent but doesn't want to actually be either. Just wants the reputation.

 

My point, I don't really know them well at all. :huh:

 

My relationship with my parents is a lot like this. I will say that I have some good conversations with my dad sometimes, and that has only started in the past few years (I'm 41as of this writing). But I only go to his house about twice a year, and he comes to mine once a year (and we live 20 minutes apart).

 

Neither of my parents are all that much into being grandparents, and they do their own thing. My mother and stepfather travel pretty much all the time, and that's their thing. I see them about three times a year.

 

The saddest thing is that they'll be gone before I know it, and I don't even know if I'm going to notice. :huh:

 

I suppose I shouldn't say that because I'm not in that situation yet, but that's kind of how I feel now.

 

Wow. What I just read could have been something I wrote. That was weird.

 

The saddest thing is that they'll be gone before I know it, and I don't even know if I'm going to notice. :huh:

 

That kind of sums it up for me, too. My dad will call and I will genuinely be excited to tell him something and as I start telling the story I hear, "Well, that's great, that's great. Alright, I'll talk to you later."

 

For him it's more about him calling than it is actually talking to me.

 

For the record, I'm 43 years old, been playing out in clubs since I was 17 and neither my mom or dad have ever seen me play bass and sing on a stage. Weird.

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I have lived with my parents my entire life.....because of my condition......there's really no other choice. I know them very well as people cause well......i'm always here. We've had many discussions about well......everything. they are 2 of the finest people i know simply because they've let me grow into my own views on my own. They had many opportunities to influence me yet they have not. Just to use an example my entire family is deeply religious.....save for me. Yet they never once got angry when i said i was an atheist and that religion was no longer making me happy. the point of all this is that my parents and i have a very open and healthy relationship.

 

Mick

Even as religious as my parents always have been they have never said word one about me not going to church or raising my children that way. I am pretty sure they see their beliefs as personal and wanted me and my siblings exposed to it growing up but after that its up to me. For the record I am eternally grateful for the exposure. I learned many valuable lessons that are still part of me today. ...

 

I had my share too. Went to church......read the entire bible and made my decision. I was scared to tell them. with the horror reaction stories you hear. but they were very understanding.

 

Mick

But isn't ironic you're now a fan of "Church", that most excellent song by Mr. Lyle Lovett. What a great story. Probably makes you wanna eat beans and cornbread too! Edited by Tombstone Mountain
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My parents are kinda into their own lives. It's sad but, I'm am the black sheep (middle child) and we don't really talk much. My dad will call but it's mostly his obligatory call because (I think) his wife tells him to call. My mom feigns interest but I think is happier living her own life away from me. She likes to be thought of as a great parent or grandparent but doesn't want to actually be either. Just wants the reputation.

 

My point, I don't really know them well at all. :huh:

 

My relationship with my parents is a lot like this. I will say that I have some good conversations with my dad sometimes, and that has only started in the past few years (I'm 41as of this writing). But I only go to his house about twice a year, and he comes to mine once a year (and we live 20 minutes apart).

 

Neither of my parents are all that much into being grandparents, and they do their own thing. My mother and stepfather travel pretty much all the time, and that's their thing. I see them about three times a year.

 

The saddest thing is that they'll be gone before I know it, and I don't even know if I'm going to notice. :huh:

 

I suppose I shouldn't say that because I'm not in that situation yet, but that's kind of how I feel now.

 

Wow. What I just read could have been something I wrote. That was weird.

 

The saddest thing is that they'll be gone before I know it, and I don't even know if I'm going to notice. :huh:

 

That kind of sums it up for me, too. My dad will call and I will genuinely be excited to tell him something and as I start telling the story I hear, "Well, that's great, that's great. Alright, I'll talk to you later."

 

For him it's more about him calling than it is actually talking to me.

 

For the record, I'm 43 years old, been playing out in clubs since I was 17 and neither my mom or dad have ever seen me play bass and sing on a stage. Weird.

Dude, THEY'RE missing out because we know you're a great dad and family man! It's not you're fault.

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Thanks TM. It doesn't bother me as much as it confuses me. My kids play hockey and I never miss a game. I couldn't imagine having a kid who actually has a little talent and not watch them even if it's not "my thing".

 

Hell, if my boys were good actors I'd go watch a play. Honest to God, a PLAY!

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My parents are kinda into their own lives. It's sad but, I'm am the black sheep (middle child) and we don't really talk much. My dad will call but it's mostly his obligatory call because (I think) his wife tells him to call. My mom feigns interest but I think is happier living her own life away from me. She likes to be thought of as a great parent or grandparent but doesn't want to actually be either. Just wants the reputation.

 

My point, I don't really know them well at all. :huh:

 

My relationship with my parents is a lot like this. I will say that I have some good conversations with my dad sometimes, and that has only started in the past few years (I'm 41as of this writing). But I only go to his house about twice a year, and he comes to mine once a year (and we live 20 minutes apart).

 

Neither of my parents are all that much into being grandparents, and they do their own thing. My mother and stepfather travel pretty much all the time, and that's their thing. I see them about three times a year.

 

The saddest thing is that they'll be gone before I know it, and I don't even know if I'm going to notice. :huh:

 

I suppose I shouldn't say that because I'm not in that situation yet, but that's kind of how I feel now.

 

Wow. What I just read could have been something I wrote. That was weird.

 

The saddest thing is that they'll be gone before I know it, and I don't even know if I'm going to notice. :huh:

 

That kind of sums it up for me, too. My dad will call and I will genuinely be excited to tell him something and as I start telling the story I hear, "Well, that's great, that's great. Alright, I'll talk to you later."

 

For him it's more about him calling than it is actually talking to me.

 

For the record, I'm 43 years old, been playing out in clubs since I was 17 and neither my mom or dad have ever seen me play bass and sing on a stage. Weird.

Good Lord... :(
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My parents are kinda into their own lives. It's sad but, I'm am the black sheep (middle child) and we don't really talk much. My dad will call but it's mostly his obligatory call because (I think) his wife tells him to call. My mom feigns interest but I think is happier living her own life away from me. She likes to be thought of as a great parent or grandparent but doesn't want to actually be either. Just wants the reputation.

 

My point, I don't really know them well at all. :huh:

 

My relationship with my parents is a lot like this. I will say that I have some good conversations with my dad sometimes, and that has only started in the past few years (I'm 41as of this writing). But I only go to his house about twice a year, and he comes to mine once a year (and we live 20 minutes apart).

 

Neither of my parents are all that much into being grandparents, and they do their own thing. My mother and stepfather travel pretty much all the time, and that's their thing. I see them about three times a year.

 

The saddest thing is that they'll be gone before I know it, and I don't even know if I'm going to notice. :huh:

 

I suppose I shouldn't say that because I'm not in that situation yet, but that's kind of how I feel now.

 

Wow. What I just read could have been something I wrote. That was weird.

 

The saddest thing is that they'll be gone before I know it, and I don't even know if I'm going to notice. :huh:

 

That kind of sums it up for me, too. My dad will call and I will genuinely be excited to tell him something and as I start telling the story I hear, "Well, that's great, that's great. Alright, I'll talk to you later."

 

For him it's more about him calling than it is actually talking to me.

 

For the record, I'm 43 years old, been playing out in clubs since I was 17 and neither my mom or dad have ever seen me play bass and sing on a stage. Weird.

As I have posted on here before, my father would and has paid for his children, childrens children to take music lessons on any instrument for any length of time. He feels its that important to the brains development and potential...
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I have lived with my parents my entire life.....because of my condition......there's really no other choice. I know them very well as people cause well......i'm always here. We've had many discussions about well......everything. they are 2 of the finest people i know simply because they've let me grow into my own views on my own. They had many opportunities to influence me yet they have not. Just to use an example my entire family is deeply religious.....save for me. Yet they never once got angry when i said i was an atheist and that religion was no longer making me happy. the point of all this is that my parents and i have a very open and healthy relationship.

 

Mick

Even as religious as my parents always have been they have never said word one about me not going to church or raising my children that way. I am pretty sure they see their beliefs as personal and wanted me and my siblings exposed to it growing up but after that its up to me. For the record I am eternally grateful for the exposure. I learned many valuable lessons that are still part of me today. ...

 

I had my share too. Went to church......read the entire bible and made my decision. I was scared to tell them. with the horror reaction stories you hear. but they were very understanding.

 

Mick

But isn't ironic you're now a fan of "Church", that most excellent song by Mr. Lyle Lovett. What a great story. Probably makes you wanna eat beans and cornbread too!

 

Funny thing about that. I have lots of religious music in my music collletion and it does not bother me at all. The only artist it's ever bothered me with is Neal Morse. He is so in your face it's close to indoctrination, lol. and transatlantic is basically neal Morse.....and uh these other dudes, lol

 

Mick

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I have lived with my parents my entire life.....because of my condition......there's really no other choice. I know them very well as people cause well......i'm always here. We've had many discussions about well......everything. they are 2 of the finest people i know simply because they've let me grow into my own views on my own. They had many opportunities to influence me yet they have not. Just to use an example my entire family is deeply religious.....save for me. Yet they never once got angry when i said i was an atheist and that religion was no longer making me happy. the point of all this is that my parents and i have a very open and healthy relationship.

 

Mick

Even as religious as my parents always have been they have never said word one about me not going to church or raising my children that way. I am pretty sure they see their beliefs as personal and wanted me and my siblings exposed to it growing up but after that its up to me. For the record I am eternally grateful for the exposure. I learned many valuable lessons that are still part of me today. ...

 

I had my share too. Went to church......read the entire bible and made my decision. I was scared to tell them. with the horror reaction stories you hear. but they were very understanding.

 

Mick

But isn't ironic you're now a fan of "Church", that most excellent song by Mr. Lyle Lovett. What a great story. Probably makes you wanna eat beans and cornbread too!

 

Funny thing about that. I have lots of religious music in my music collletion and it does not bother me at all. The only artist it's ever bothered me with is Neal Morse. He is so in your face it's close to indoctrination, lol. and transatlantic is basically neal Morse.....and uh these other dudes, lol

 

Mick

Good thing I have never heard of him..... :LOL:
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I have lived with my parents my entire life.....because of my condition......there's really no other choice. I know them very well as people cause well......i'm always here. We've had many discussions about well......everything. they are 2 of the finest people i know simply because they've let me grow into my own views on my own. They had many opportunities to influence me yet they have not. Just to use an example my entire family is deeply religious.....save for me. Yet they never once got angry when i said i was an atheist and that religion was no longer making me happy. the point of all this is that my parents and i have a very open and healthy relationship.

 

Mick

Even as religious as my parents always have been they have never said word one about me not going to church or raising my children that way. I am pretty sure they see their beliefs as personal and wanted me and my siblings exposed to it growing up but after that its up to me. For the record I am eternally grateful for the exposure. I learned many valuable lessons that are still part of me today. ...

 

I had my share too. Went to church......read the entire bible and made my decision. I was scared to tell them. with the horror reaction stories you hear. but they were very understanding.

 

Mick

But isn't ironic you're now a fan of "Church", that most excellent song by Mr. Lyle Lovett. What a great story. Probably makes you wanna eat beans and cornbread too!

 

Funny thing about that. I have lots of religious music in my music collletion and it does not bother me at all. The only artist it's ever bothered me with is Neal Morse. He is so in your face it's close to indoctrination, lol. and transatlantic is basically neal Morse.....and uh these other dudes, lol

 

Mick

Good thing I have never heard of him..... :LOL:

 

To recent for you, Narps.....To recent :LOL:

 

Mick

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Narp, to try to get back to the spirit and the intention of your initial post in this thread- my father is also a man of science. He was raised Catholic and went to parochial school through eighth grade, and then, when given the choice, he chose to go to public high school. Ivy League graduate (Brown University, class of 1967), earned his Ph.D. when he was 28, and has had a long career as an engineer, and for the past 22 years, also a business owner. He abhors organized religion altogether, and his view is that his god is the universe- because, as he says, "There is nothing bigger than that." I say to each his or her own...I'm also not a fan of organized religions, but as a recovered alcoholic, I'm very well acquainted with my spiritual beliefs. My dad and I are just very different people when it comes to these matters, but it's not something that has caused tension between us; we're just not terribly close. But between him and my mother, I would say I'll definitely notice him being gone more than I will my mother. I have much closer ties to my dad's side of the family- but that may be mainly because he comes from a much larger family anyway.

 

It's unfortunate that when it comes to parenting, the vast majority of things I've learned from my parents are examples of things I DON'T want to do to my own children (meaning I look at both of them, separately, and most of the time I think to myself- OK, see, I definitely don't want to do that. They just haven't set the examples that I strive to set for my kids, in most areas).

 

Bottom line, with the experience that I've had just on my own, I feel pretty well grounded and pretty well equipped (well, most of the time, hahaha) to raise children.

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