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Ladies, my husband's friend is really starting to scare me a little.


hobo73
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Me neither... it sounds like you've done all you can do by asking him nicely to back off. It's obvious that his "drug seeking" behaviour is clouding his judgement and blocking all contact from him seems like the best choice seeing as he's not getting your point. And if he STILL isn't getting the point, maybe your husband should "surprise" him and have a "talk"

 

Also... If ANYONE ever "surprised" me at home when I'm alone, I'm pretty damn sure my guy wouldn't think twice about making sure that NEVER happens again.

:yes:

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It's common sense for any guy with just half a brain, that paying some friend's significant other a surprise visit, while the friend is not at home is definite no-go! That is seriously crossing some boundaries that should not be crossed! I have a friend whose girlfriend I'm friends with too, and even though I have practically lived in their living room for two months, I would never come by if it wasn't agreed upon. I have their spare keys but would never misuse them - common sense I say, and it can scare me that such simple things are hard to grasp for some people.
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I'm not so sure I'd be comfortable (were I you) even having my husband go over there and confront him face to face. The guy sounds unstable and if he's doing drugs then why put you or your husband in harm's way? Can't your husband confront him over the phone and maybe you can mail the cds back to the guy? No face to face confrontations necessary. Cut all ties and get a restraining order if necessary. Good luck! Edited by Alien Girl
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Phil called you a liar? Like, how? Like, refuting everything you've said he did...?

 

I don't like the sound of that. :no:

 

 

Yes. Either refusing he did anything at all or really downplaying it.

Like when I reminded him of his planned surprise visit, he got really upset and said "NO. I NEVER said that. I brought up a surprise visit last week, NOT anytime sooner."

Actually, more like 2 days ago, and even so- NOT SOMETHING YOU SAY TO A FRIENDS' WIFE.

 

Once I explained how he disrespected me (he asked me how, specifically, he did) and he still blatantly ignored my concerns and just didn't get it, I knew there was no hope in explaining myself further. I just left it at that.

 

Me neither... it sounds like you've done all you can do by asking him nicely to back off. It's obvious that his "drug seeking" behaviour is clouding his judgement and blocking all contact from him seems like the best choice seeing as he's not getting your point. And if he STILL isn't getting the point, maybe your husband should "surprise" him and have a "talk"

 

Also... If ANYONE ever "surprised" me at home when I'm alone, I'm pretty damn sure my guy wouldn't think twice about making sure that NEVER happens again.

:yes:

 

Me neither... it sounds like you've done all you can do by asking him nicely to back off. It's obvious that his "drug seeking" behaviour is clouding his judgement and blocking all contact from him seems like the best choice seeing as he's not getting your point. And if he STILL isn't getting the point, maybe your husband should "surprise" him and have a "talk"

 

Also... If ANYONE ever "surprised" me at home when I'm alone, I'm pretty damn sure my guy wouldn't think twice about making sure that NEVER happens again.

:yes:

 

Oh yes, he's lucky he never tried to come in while I was home alone. I immediately think the worst when someone comes into my home unannounced and look to maim. May be scared as hell and may lose the fight, but I'll leave my mark in one way or another.

Jeff will return the CDs, he's not going to go there looking for a fight. He'll use words but he will talk and Phil will listen. (Also, to answer an earlier suggestion, I would much rather mail the CDs out but there are at least 30 Cds with cases and that would cost an arm and a leg 0_o)- Jeff's just not the brutish type who'll be out looking for blood in a case like this. Now, if Phil actually had done something worse, then yes- and at that point there would be no stopping him.

 

Analog Grownup, thanks for understanding the fine line between "you're welcome anytime" & common sense lol :)

*hugs* always good to hear!!

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I guess I don't see why there's any question about just dropping him out of both of your lives like a hot rock. He is not a friend to either of you in any shape or form.
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I guess I don't see why there's any question about just dropping him out of both of your lives like a hot rock. He is not a friend to either of you in any shape or form.

 

I agree. He obviously has no respect for his "friend" and none for you either if he won't take no as an answer. You don't need people like that in your life.

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^ once people tell me enough times I'm wrong for feeling the way I do, I start really doubting myself. It's pretty pathetic in my opinion, but I "needed" confirmation that my feelings were valid. (When it comes to major things, anyway.)

 

Aggressive guys freak me out too bad to just handle it on my own =/

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It's ok to feel what you feel. It's your choices that matter. You can care for him deep down but subjecting yourself and your marriage to toxic crap is unhealthy.
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Hobo, what an absolutely horrible, situation to find yourself in! This guy is not a friend of Jeff's - from what I can gather, he's just using Jeff as a way at getting to you. If he really was Jeff's friend, he wouldn't be behaving in such an atrocious way! A real friend would show respect, care and consideration.

 

If Phil wants the CDs back, then fine, but if Jeff has to give them back, he might have to take another friend with him.

 

Definitely make sure all the doors and windows are locked up if you're on your own with your daughter, and definitely keep your phone right next to you.

 

I feel so awful for you - and Jeff too. I hope Jeff tells Phil where to go.

 

Hobo, all I can offer you are these: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

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Hobo, what an absolutely horrible, situation to find yourself in! This guy is not a friend of Jeff's - from what I can gather, he's just using Jeff as a way at getting to you. If he really was Jeff's friend, he wouldn't be behaving in such an atrocious way! A real friend would show respect, care and consideration.

 

If Phil wants the CDs back, then fine, but if Jeff has to give them back, he might have to take another friend with him.

 

Definitely make sure all the doors and windows are locked up if you're on your own with your daughter, and definitely keep your phone right next to you.

 

I feel so awful for you - and Jeff too. I hope Jeff tells Phil where to go.

 

Hobo, all I can offer you are these: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

 

:hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

You know how to cheer me up, babycat! :D

 

Jeff feels weird about going there, we might ask him to pick them up and leave them on the porch steps or something. He's really disgusted with Phil and doesn't want his emotions taking over. And I of course don't want to see him.

 

I just don't know why some guys think they have a right to act that way towards a woman. I know it happens to guys as well, but speaking as a young lady I think it's awful how common it is. It's worse that it was somebody I completely trusted.

 

I'm good for now, been keeping myself busy. Jeff told me he was very happy to see that I immediately spoke up when I got uncomfortable. I'm very proud of myself actually, it felt good to stand up for myself :)

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(Also, to answer an earlier suggestion, I would much rather mail the CDs out but there are at least 30 Cds with cases and that would cost an arm and a leg 0_o)-

 

Let me ask you this: Is paying a bit to mail his CDs back to him better than Jeff going there in person and getting stabbed in the neck by a crackhead?

 

What you guys should do is to box up his CDs and drive over there at 3am one night, and drop the box off at his doorstep. Why confront this guy any further? From the sounds of it, you're still spending energy contacting him and trying to make him understand that he's in the wrong. Take it from me- You can't control what somebody else is going to think about you or a situation. If they're wrong and it's frustrating for you that they just won't "get it", well, control what you can control and just stay away from him from now on.

 

P.S: When you drop the box off at his house that night also make sure that you put all the CDs in the wrong jewel cases first. You know, for the aggravation he's already caused.

 

P.P.S.2: While many will automatically jump the gun about how a guy's supposed to be macho and "well MY guy would go rip his brains out" remember that in the real world any psychotic wuss can shoot a person much tougher than him and end his life, and that's that. Have the police deal with any real threats this guy might cause your family. There's no shame in not being the "macho guy defending your honor" and all that.

Edited by Del_Duio
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(Also, to answer an earlier suggestion, I would much rather mail the CDs out but there are at least 30 Cds with cases and that would cost an arm and a leg 0_o)-

 

Let me ask you this: Is paying a bit to mail his CDs back to him better than Jeff going there in person and getting stabbed in the neck by a crackhead?

 

What you guys should do is to box up his CDs and drive over there at 3am one night, and drop the box off at his doorstep. Why confront this guy any further? From the sounds of it, you're still spending energy contacting him and trying to make him understand that he's in the wrong. Take it from me- You can't control what somebody else is going to think about you or a situation. If they're wrong and it's frustrating for you that they just won't "get it", well, control what you can control and just stay away from him from now on.

 

P.S: When you drop the box off at his house that night also make sure that you put all the CDs in the wrong jewel cases first. You know, for the aggravation he's already caused.

 

P.P.S.2: While many will automatically jump the gun about how a guy's supposed to be macho and "well MY guy would go rip his brains out" remember that in the real world any psychotic wuss can shoot a person much tougher than him and end his life, and that's that. Have the police deal with any real threats this guy might cause your family. There's no shame in not being the "macho guy defending your honor" and all that.

 

Oh no, a few posts ago I updated and said Jeff doesn't want to go over and face him. He was never trying to act macho but still, he said even though he would just want to talk with him, he doesn't want to risk "my anger getting the best of me. No good will come of it."

He showed me a text Phil sent him apologizing profusely, yet the next sentences were "I still don't understand WHY your wife is angry at me. I just don't." -__-

 

I like the leaving it at his doorstep idea. :) thanks!

 

I haven't contacted him whatsoever since yesterday morning. Only reason I replied at all was because he asked me what specifically he did to upset me so much. I told him exactly what I saw wrong with his actions, like he asked. He blatantly ignored it all and defended his actions- once I read his IM after that, I blocked him without saying another word to him.

 

lol I've been the one to get mad if Jeff wants to act all tough and macho for my sake :P

But yes, we both agree with you that Jeff shouldn't risk his safety. =]

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All right, here's a suggestion. This is based off me skimming and trying to get a clear summary of the situation. I apologize, in advance, if I misread a certain perspective. 1st off, get your husband's "friend" to take test or something to tell if he have a clear frame of mind. 2nd off, get you, your husband, this dude, and probably a certified mediator, in a room, and talk the living crap out of every little detail, in person, that led to this.

 

Now if everyone has a calm, peaceful, clear frame of mind, during this conversation, let's go ahead and try to talk out what certain directions and association this thing is going towards and where it should not go. If everyone is on the same page, no harm, no foul, and that the "friend" will not threaten you, your husband, your family in any way, shape, or form. If the opposite happens, get some legal way to break this guy's soul in some way to where he won't threaten you or your family again.

 

Now for all intents and purposes, I think I'm in a similar spot as your husband's friend although it is not really as drastic as your situation. One thing, I do not want a romantic relationship or something in that vein. I just want that foundation where we can have us talking again about anything. A good decent conversation with a good friend of ours to act as a mediator of sorts. If this conversation goes to where we can talk about anything again, great. If not, oh well, at least, both of us try to make this work and that's when the back-off will happen from both ends, no harm, no foul. I just wanted to see a defined direction take place, in this association, instead of what are we becoming.

 

Something to add a different perspective.

 

Gl with all of this and hope that you get the result that you are looking for.

Edited by Anguyen92
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All right, here's a suggestion. This is based off me skimming and trying to get a clear summary of the situation. I apologize, in advance, if I misread a certain perspective. 1st off, get your husband's "friend" to take test or something to tell if he have a clear frame of mind. 2nd off, get you, your husband, this dude, and probably a certified mediator, in a room, and talk the living crap out of every little detail, in person, that led to this.

 

Now if everyone has a calm, peaceful, clear frame of mind, during this conversation, let's go ahead and try to talk out what certain directions and association this thing is going towards and where it should not go. If everyone is on the same page, no harm, no foul, and that the "friend" will not threaten you, your husband, your family in any way, shape, or form. If the opposite happens, get some legal way to break this guy's soul in some way to where he won't threaten you or your family again.

 

Now for all intents and purposes, I think I'm in a similar spot as your husband's friend although it is not really as drastic as your situation. One thing, I do not want a romantic relationship or something in that vein. I just want that foundation where we can have us talking again about anything. A good decent conversation with a good friend of ours to act as a mediator of sorts. If this conversation goes to where we can talk about anything again, great. If not, oh well, at least, both of us try to make this work and that's when the back-off will happen from both ends, no harm, no foul. I just wanted to see a defined direction take place, in this association, instead of what are we becoming.

 

Something to add a different perspective.

 

Gl with all of this and hope that you get the result that you are looking for.

 

Smiling big here, thanks for such great advice *hugs* =]

 

I was thinking of a mediator, too. It skeeves me out thinking of seeing him again- just really weirded out and uncomfortable with him now- but maybe with an extra person it'd help? And of COURSE I wouldn't do it w/out Jeff.

Jeff told me he sorta brought it up to him and Phil got super defensive again and said stuff like "well she shouldn't be upset. It makes no sense." -__-

 

 

I love the idea of him taking a damn test so we can tell if he's under the influence! His personality....he was never EVER like this. His mood swings are intense.

He would flip out that we're taking his brothers' side (his brother told us about the drugs), thinking the worst of him and would react very badly. =/

(he's already gotten slightly paranoid about his brother and what we think of him.)

 

so far, calm on the storm front! thanks for the well wishes everyone :)

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What is it with men thinking they can just have their way with us? Thinking that it's OK to go after MARRIED women that have made vows to their husbands? Hobo I know that you know from Facebook what is currently going on in my life with the clown from church/work. I'm so disgusted and stressed out this morning that I am literally sick to my stomach.
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What is it with men thinking they can just have their way with us? Thinking that it's OK to go after MARRIED women that have made vows to their husbands? Hobo I know that you know from Facebook what is currently going on in my life with the clown from church/work. I'm so disgusted and stressed out this morning that I am literally sick to my stomach.

 

I have no idea why men think it is okay to do this. Ugh. :rage:

 

True story- once at a Richard Thompson show, a guy who was sitting with us (we didn't know him but it was a sit down show and you had to share tables) actually put his hand on my knee. Was pretty obvious before this happened that I was with my husband. This guy was on the other side of me. I took the guys hand and squeezed it as hard as I could. Should have seen the look on his face- I was seriously pissed. He did this during the set and almost let out a scream. Maybe he thought I wouldn't do anything because it was an acoustic set and everyone was quiet. Thought he had me. Joke was on him. He is lucky I didn't squeeze anything else. Jerk.

 

I hope no tolerance for people who purposely go out of their way to flirt with/make a play for others when they know they are married/taken. There are lots of single people out there. Really.

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What is it with men thinking they can just have their way with us? Thinking that it's OK to go after MARRIED women that have made vows to their husbands? Hobo I know that you know from Facebook what is currently going on in my life with the clown from church/work. I'm so disgusted and stressed out this morning that I am literally sick to my stomach.

 

I have no idea why men think it is okay to do this. Ugh. :rage:

 

True story- once at a Richard Thompson show, a guy who was sitting with us (we didn't know him but it was a sit down show and you had to share tables) actually put his hand on my knee. Was pretty obvious before this happened that I was with my husband. This guy was on the other side of me. I took the guys hand and squeezed it as hard as I could. Should have seen the look on his face- I was seriously pissed. He did this during the set and almost let out a scream. Maybe he thought I wouldn't do anything because it was an acoustic set and everyone was quiet. Thought he had me. Joke was on him. He is lucky I didn't squeeze anything else. Jerk.

 

I hope no tolerance for people who purposely go out of their way to flirt with/make a play for others when they know they are married/taken. There are lots of single people out there. Really.

 

Well I can't agree with the last part since I've been known to throw myself at Geddy and I know we are both married, haha. (free pass! free pass!)

 

Anyway yeah, I don't even know where to begin with my story but I have a doozy much like Hobo's. I'm so sick and tired of these aggressive men that don't know when to keep their hands off!

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What is it with men thinking they can just have their way with us? Thinking that it's OK to go after MARRIED women that have made vows to their husbands? Hobo I know that you know from Facebook what is currently going on in my life with the clown from church/work. I'm so disgusted and stressed out this morning that I am literally sick to my stomach.

 

sh*t! that's YOU??? (forgive me, there are so many Rush fans on my facebook page I can't match faces with screen names all the time lol)- how are things??? has he backed off a little???

THAT is terrifying. I'm so sorry hon. *hugs*

 

Well yesterday I had a nagging suspicion I should check Phil's facebook page. I took him off my friends list once all this went down, but it was a feeling I just couldn't ignore after a while.

The usual updates I expected- oh, what I thought were REAL friends turned out to be fake, they ditched me, blah blah blah.

But he decided to use a picture of MY daughter as HIS profile picture.

 

No.

 

I messaged him immediately and told him Jeff & I BOTH ask that he please take the photo down, and that this was the only time we were going to be nice about it.

He changed the picture right away, but I'm still leery. -__-

 

OH, yes. And let's just say my husband saw with his own 2 eyes, the proof that Phil is now a crack smoker.

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What is it with men thinking they can just have their way with us? Thinking that it's OK to go after MARRIED women that have made vows to their husbands? Hobo I know that you know from Facebook what is currently going on in my life with the clown from church/work. I'm so disgusted and stressed out this morning that I am literally sick to my stomach.

 

I have no idea why men think it is okay to do this. Ugh. :rage:

 

True story- once at a Richard Thompson show, a guy who was sitting with us (we didn't know him but it was a sit down show and you had to share tables) actually put his hand on my knee. Was pretty obvious before this happened that I was with my husband. This guy was on the other side of me. I took the guys hand and squeezed it as hard as I could. Should have seen the look on his face- I was seriously pissed. He did this during the set and almost let out a scream. Maybe he thought I wouldn't do anything because it was an acoustic set and everyone was quiet. Thought he had me. Joke was on him. He is lucky I didn't squeeze anything else. Jerk.

 

I hope no tolerance for people who purposely go out of their way to flirt with/make a play for others when they know they are married/taken. There are lots of single people out there. Really.

 

Well I can't agree with the last part since I've been known to throw myself at Geddy and I know we are both married, haha. (free pass! free pass!)

 

Anyway yeah, I don't even know where to begin with my story but I have a doozy much like Hobo's. I'm so sick and tired of these aggressive men that don't know when to keep their hands off!

 

Well I thought Geddy, Alex and Neil were a free pass! :drool:

 

I meant real life, people you know or meet in real life and it is freaking obvious you are with somebody and they pull that crap.

 

Trust me, if I ever met any of those three in real life I would just faint. I know it.

Edited by frippy
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hey, gangster! maybe you should flatten the guys' nose so it swells up and gets "as big as a Jews' nose". (God please let you be the one who has issues with your ex study partner, or else I look like a racist & nobody knows what I mean hahaha)
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What is it with men thinking they can just have their way with us? Thinking that it's OK to go after MARRIED women that have made vows to their husbands? Hobo I know that you know from Facebook what is currently going on in my life with the clown from church/work. I'm so disgusted and stressed out this morning that I am literally sick to my stomach.

 

sh*t! that's YOU??? (forgive me, there are so many Rush fans on my facebook page I can't match faces with screen names all the time lol)- how are things??? has he backed off a little???

THAT is terrifying. I'm so sorry hon. *hugs*

 

Well yesterday I had a nagging suspicion I should check Phil's facebook page. I took him off my friends list once all this went down, but it was a feeling I just couldn't ignore after a while.

The usual updates I expected- oh, what I thought were REAL friends turned out to be fake, they ditched me, blah blah blah.

But he decided to use a picture of MY daughter as HIS profile picture.

 

No.

 

I messaged him immediately and told him Jeff & I BOTH ask that he please take the photo down, and that this was the only time we were going to be nice about it.

He changed the picture right away, but I'm still leery. -__-

 

OH, yes. And let's just say my husband saw with his own 2 eyes, the proof that Phil is now a crack smoker.

 

I can't even explain how creepy I think it is, that he has a picture of your daughter as his profile picture. That's really close to having a can of whoop-ass open upon you!

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