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#1 Permanent-Rush

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Posted 26 May 2016 - 09:50 PM

I do not know if this has been done or not. This is a thread to tell jokes. They can be your own, or jokes from elsewhere.

Edited by Surrender74, 26 May 2016 - 09:53 PM.


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#2 Union 5-3992

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Posted 26 May 2016 - 09:55 PM

What did Russians use to light their houses before candles?

Spoiler


#3 JohnnyBlaze

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Posted 26 May 2016 - 09:58 PM

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian..."
The blonde replies, "Oh my god! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

#4 Permanent-Rush

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Posted 26 May 2016 - 09:59 PM

View PostJohnnyBlaze, on 26 May 2016 - 09:58 PM, said:

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian..."
The blonde replies, "Oh my god! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

:lol:

#5 Lucas

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Posted 26 May 2016 - 10:52 PM

View PostJohnnyBlaze, on 26 May 2016 - 09:58 PM, said:

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian..."
The blonde replies, "Oh my god! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

Part II

What do you call a smart blonde ???


Spoiler

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Edited by Lucas, 26 May 2016 - 10:52 PM.


#6 Lucas

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Posted 26 May 2016 - 10:59 PM

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant ?

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#7 Lucas

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Posted 26 May 2016 - 11:00 PM

What's the fastest way to a man's heart ?

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#8 x1yyz

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Posted 26 May 2016 - 11:05 PM

A priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer walk into a bar.  The bartender says,
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#9 Lucas

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Posted 26 May 2016 - 11:13 PM

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking ??


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#10 foghorn-leghorn

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 06:55 PM

How do you turn a Duck Into A Soul Singer?


Place it in the Microwave till it's Bill Withers.

#11 Lucas

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 07:18 PM

How do you get a nun pregnant ??

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Edited by Lucas, 27 May 2016 - 07:19 PM.


#12 Lucas

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 07:20 PM

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name ?

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#13 OldRUSHfan

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 10:24 PM

A wino is watching a handsome man in front of a Hotel in the city.  When a woman walks by, he see's the man whisper something in their ear.  Most of the time, they enter the hotel and 'get it on'. Sometimes, however, the woman stands back, looks shocked and the man says something else, and the woman leaves. After a full day of this, the wino approaches the man and slurs, "How d'ya get those women to f**k you?"  The man, looking a little reluctant tells the wino this: "Well, when a woman walks by, whisper in her ear, 'Tickle Your ass with a feather!'"  If she says yes, you go and do your business.  But if she says 'WHAT?' You say "Typical Nasty weather!"  So the wino says, "OH! I can do that!"  The man says, Not here, this is MY Hotel!"  So the Wino goes off and finds another Hotel and stands in front of it and waits for a woman to walk by.  He walks over to her and slurs, "Lady? stick this feather up your ass!"  The lady looks shocked and says "WHAT?"  and then the Wino says,"lookit the f***in' clouds"!

Edited by OldRUSHfan, 27 May 2016 - 10:25 PM.


#14 x1yyz

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Posted 27 May 2016 - 10:48 PM

Did you know it's okay to kiss a nun?

Spoiler


#15 Crimsonmistymemory

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Posted 02 June 2016 - 06:44 PM

Father Flynn is walking to the Convent on a sunny day,
About midway he passes a prostitute
As he passes by she subtly says "hey father head 10 bucks"
Confused and a bit embarrassed he keeps walking
When he finally gets to the convent he sees Mother Superior
His curiosity gets the best of him and he blurts out
"Hey mother what's head?"
To which she replies
"10 bucks same as it is outside

#16 goose

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Posted 05 June 2016 - 12:32 AM

View Postx1yyz, on 27 May 2016 - 10:48 PM, said:

Did you know it's okay to kiss a nun?

Spoiler
:lol:

#17 Fred Star

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Posted 05 June 2016 - 01:16 PM

Two stoned hippies are walking along a disused railway line when one turns to the other and says.. Man - I'll be sure glad to see the top of these stairs.. The second hippie turns to him and says.. Hey - like stairs nothin' man, it's these low hand rails that freak me out.

#18 Permanent-Rush

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Posted 11 June 2016 - 01:51 AM

Post More Jokes, Jokes,Jokes!!

#19 LittleRushmonkey

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Posted 12 June 2016 - 03:11 AM

A young man is taking his girlfriend to the prom. He wants to make the best impression he can so he goes out to buy the best tux he can find. He finds one but there is a long line at the shop so he has to wait. He then goes to the florists to buy his girlfriend some flowers. He finds the perfect flowers but there is a long line again do he waits. He buys the flowers and then proceeds to the limo hire. There is also a long here so he has to wait but eventually he hires a limo. On the night of the dance him and his girlfriend are dancing and after a couple of songs they are thirsty. The man goes to get them some punch. There is no punchline...

Edited by LittleRushmonkey, 12 June 2016 - 03:12 AM.


#20 Your_Lion

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Posted 12 June 2016 - 05:09 AM

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"




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