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Happy Birthday Johnny Blaze AKA Kwai Chang Caine (and Andy)


treeduck
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Somewhere on the forum

Johnny's hiding with a gun

Swears he'll kill any TRFer who watches crap movies for fun

He's not sorry for having good taste

he's got a girlfriend who dresses like a nun

 

He broke into a DVD store

To scratch his movie itch

He didn't mean to turn the place into a wreck

But he was offended by a poster of Ben Affleck

 

Oh Johnny

 

You see that nun, she's his girlfriend in disguise

She doesn't know that his movie kick's gone bad

When they told this to his father

It drove the old man mad

he shouted "but why is she dressed as a nun??

and what is she doing with my married son??"

 

Just as his mother warned him

about watching Keanu Reeves

he said It's alright mom I know the guy is shit

Stoker's Dracula makes me heave

my nun girlfriend's got more acting skills in her bouncy tits

 

Oh Johnny

 

Now the mods have got him surrounded

they're gonna give him to the law

He wonders what the fuckk's the problem

All this over a shitty store?

 

It's back to the Shaolin temple if he gets away

Master Po and Master Kan

will tear him a new asshole

make him walk the rice paper with razor blades

unless he can spin them a yarn

 

Oh Johnny

 

Back in the alley where Affleck's Posters burned

He thought he heard something move

Beside the trash can he stood and turned

The picture had been removed

 

Now there's a Rocky and Rambo poster

And a Schwarzenegger one too

like they'd popped out of a toaster

warped and popped like glue

 

Oh Johnny

 

And now he runs his own DVD store

with only good flicks now aloud

and if you want to hear him roar

ask for a film starring Will Ferrell

or that Adam Sandler bore

at your peril...

 

oh Johnny

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Somewhere on the forum

Johnny's hiding with a gun

Swears he'll kill any TRFer who watches crap movies for fun

He's not sorry for having good taste

he's got a girlfriend who dresses like a nun

 

He broke into a DVD store

To scratch his movie itch

He didn't mean to turn the place into a wreck

But he was offended by a poster of Ben Affleck

 

Oh Johnny

 

You see that nun, she's his girlfriend in disguise

She doesn't know that his movie kick's gone bad

When they told this to his father

It drove the old man mad

he shouted "but why is she dressed as a nun??

and what is she doing with my married son??"

 

Just as his mother warned him

about watching Keanu Reeves

he said It's alright mom I know the guy is shit

Stoker's Dracula makes me heave

my nun girlfriend's got more acting skills in her bouncy tits

 

Oh Johnny

 

Now the mods have got him surrounded

they're gonna give him to the law

He wonders what the fuckk's the problem

All this over a shitty store?

 

It's back to the Shaolin temple if he gets away

Master Po and Master Kan

will tear him a new asshole

make him walk the rice paper with razor blades

unless he can spin them a yarn

 

Oh Johnny

 

Back in the alley where Affleck's Posters burned

He thought he heard something move

Beside the trash can he stood and turned

The picture had been removed

 

Now there's a Rocky and Rambo poster

And a Schwarzenegger one too

like they'd popped out of a toaster

warped and popped like glue

 

Oh Johnny

 

And now he runs his own DVD store

with only good flicks now aloud

and if you want to hear him roar

ask for a film starring Will Ferrell

or that Adam Sandler bore

at your peril...

 

oh Johnny

Somehow I just can't place where that's from...and it's got to be a parody of something, yeah?

But you got everything down from the peril of asking me about Ferrell and Sandler (though Adam I might slide because I did enjoy Happy Gilmore and Wedding Singer) to the Keanu and Affleck poke...Ben's not a total slag though.

 

And ahhh, the ripping of my sphincter and walking on razor blades rice paper is a given with Masters Po and Khan.

 

Back in this world, I'm on the train now. In front of me is a young white kid wearing a baseball cap with the Canadien flag on it and suitcases galore. He's got the Geddy glasses and Vapor Trails era hairdo but he actually looks like Rik Emmett. The environmental backdrop is that there's a typhoon plowing through Japan at the moment...though it is not in this area, we're still getting some annoying rain.

 

These are the things you'd see if you had a JohnnyBlaze birthday.

 

Thanks heaps duck-san. May a dozen female birds hoist their ample breasts in your direction for one hundred millennia.

 

:blaze:

 

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Happy Birthday :fury: Have a great day

There's the Grand Designs Lion guy now! Thanks!

And my day's essentially over. It being nearly 7pm here, all I've got to do is get home and drink several of the import beers Mrs. Blaze got me. She proclaimed earlier, "When you get home, it'll be Beer Festival time for us!" Sometimes it's wise to just buckle down and follow orders.

 

:blaze:

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http://i.imgur.com/yvKPLOp.jpg

 

Happy Birthday, Bobo Johnny! :banana:

Just looking at Ric Flair screaming "woooooo..." is good enough for me Storm! Nice Ghost Rider cake find! :cheers:

 

On a side note, "boboY" is a nickname my mum STILL calls me from back in the 70s. (It's a filipino thang). So "Bobo" is incidentally very close!

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Happy Birthday Mr. Blaze. Hope it's a wonderful one... :cheers:

Kompai Narps! :cheers:

Nice pics of you at that golf fandango btw. :)

Thanks brother blaze.... :cheers:
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