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#181 Segue Myles

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Posted 06 December 2015 - 04:22 PM

View Postx1yyz, on 06 December 2015 - 03:21 PM, said:

View PostGarden Dancer, on 06 December 2015 - 05:57 AM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 12 August 2014 - 01:05 PM, said:

People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption.  It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary.  If so, maybe I got it from my mother.  Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material.  And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.
Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

For us, it was truly a surprise.  I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor.  (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"...  honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)
Had we known?  I might have chosen to abort.  I don't know for sure, though.
As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.
We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision.  We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes...  Loved that child on first sight.  But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine".  I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would.  Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child?  What are your feelings about being adopted?  Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up?  Do you ever wonder about her?  Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her?  I always wonder...
I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but...  what was your experience?

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but...  I've always wondered.

I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me.  Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so.  Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me.  My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders.  Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.

I neither love nor hate my biological parents.  I am very indifferent towards them.  I have no desire whatsoever to meet them.  But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.?  What I wish I did know more about what their medical history.  I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families.  I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.

In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily.  If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal.  There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.

I love my family, but my teen years were messy and my closest role models were my best friends parents.

All you said is true: blood is thicker than water applies only to those fortunate enough to have close relations with at least one family member.

I love my family but my friends are definitely the family I have chosen, so they count every bit as much.

I have great parents, but as I said, I learned young that "outsiders" are every bit as important.

This might change if I become a father, but as of now love is what keeps me together with people, not blood.

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#182 troutman

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Posted 06 December 2015 - 07:53 PM

View PostSegue Myles, on 06 December 2015 - 04:22 PM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 06 December 2015 - 03:21 PM, said:

View PostGarden Dancer, on 06 December 2015 - 05:57 AM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 12 August 2014 - 01:05 PM, said:

People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption.  It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary.  If so, maybe I got it from my mother.  Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material.  And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.
Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

For us, it was truly a surprise.  I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor.  (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"...  honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)
Had we known?  I might have chosen to abort.  I don't know for sure, though.
As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.
We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision.  We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes...  Loved that child on first sight.  But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine".  I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would.  Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child?  What are your feelings about being adopted?  Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up?  Do you ever wonder about her?  Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her?  I always wonder...
I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but...  what was your experience?

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but...  I've always wondered.

I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me.  Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so.  Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me.  My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders.  Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.

I neither love nor hate my biological parents.  I am very indifferent towards them.  I have no desire whatsoever to meet them.  But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.?  What I wish I did know more about what their medical history.  I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families.  I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.

In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily.  If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal.  There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.

I love my family, but my teen years were messy and my closest role models were my best friends parents.

All you said is true: blood is thicker than water applies only to those fortunate enough to have close relations with at least one family member.

I love my family but my friends are definitely the family I have chosen, so they count every bit as much.

I have great parents, but as I said, I learned young that "outsiders" are every bit as important.

This might change if I become a father, but as of now love is what keeps me together with people, not blood.

That's,

Interesting. My best friends parents were more like the parents I wanted. I think of that entire family often. They accepted me as one of their own children. It's kind of a bitter/sweet thing I guess. I can still picture my self on that slow walk home after spending the week end with them. I hated going home most of the time.

#183 Segue Myles

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Posted 06 December 2015 - 08:19 PM

View Posttroutman, on 06 December 2015 - 07:53 PM, said:

View PostSegue Myles, on 06 December 2015 - 04:22 PM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 06 December 2015 - 03:21 PM, said:

View PostGarden Dancer, on 06 December 2015 - 05:57 AM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 12 August 2014 - 01:05 PM, said:

People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption.  It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary.  If so, maybe I got it from my mother.  Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material.  And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.
Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

For us, it was truly a surprise.  I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor.  (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"...  honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)
Had we known?  I might have chosen to abort.  I don't know for sure, though.
As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.
We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision.  We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes...  Loved that child on first sight.  But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine".  I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would.  Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child?  What are your feelings about being adopted?  Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up?  Do you ever wonder about her?  Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her?  I always wonder...
I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but...  what was your experience?

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but...  I've always wondered.

I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me.  Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so.  Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me.  My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders.  Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.

I neither love nor hate my biological parents.  I am very indifferent towards them.  I have no desire whatsoever to meet them.  But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.?  What I wish I did know more about what their medical history.  I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families.  I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.

In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily.  If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal.  There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.

I love my family, but my teen years were messy and my closest role models were my best friends parents.

All you said is true: blood is thicker than water applies only to those fortunate enough to have close relations with at least one family member.

I love my family but my friends are definitely the family I have chosen, so they count every bit as much.

I have great parents, but as I said, I learned young that "outsiders" are every bit as important.

This might change if I become a father, but as of now love is what keeps me together with people, not blood.

That's,

Interesting. My best friends parents were more like the parents I wanted. I think of that entire family often. They accepted me as one of their own children. It's kind of a bitter/sweet thing I guess. I can still picture my self on that slow walk home after spending the week end with them. I hated going home most of the time.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents very much. But the bonds I made in life with others are just as strong, often stronger.

If all you have in common is blood, then that is sad. And quite often, that is how I feel.

But I do want kids, which is the difference between me and my dad.

#184 troutman

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Posted 06 December 2015 - 08:36 PM

View PostSegue Myles, on 06 December 2015 - 08:19 PM, said:

View Posttroutman, on 06 December 2015 - 07:53 PM, said:

View PostSegue Myles, on 06 December 2015 - 04:22 PM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 06 December 2015 - 03:21 PM, said:

View PostGarden Dancer, on 06 December 2015 - 05:57 AM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 12 August 2014 - 01:05 PM, said:

People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption.  It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary.  If so, maybe I got it from my mother.  Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material.  And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.
Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

For us, it was truly a surprise.  I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor.  (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"...  honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)
Had we known?  I might have chosen to abort.  I don't know for sure, though.
As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.
We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision.  We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes...  Loved that child on first sight.  But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine".  I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would.  Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child?  What are your feelings about being adopted?  Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up?  Do you ever wonder about her?  Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her?  I always wonder...
I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but...  what was your experience?

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but...  I've always wondered.

I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me.  Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so.  Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me.  My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders.  Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.

I neither love nor hate my biological parents.  I am very indifferent towards them.  I have no desire whatsoever to meet them.  But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.?  What I wish I did know more about what their medical history.  I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families.  I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.

In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily.  If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal.  There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.

I love my family, but my teen years were messy and my closest role models were my best friends parents.

All you said is true: blood is thicker than water applies only to those fortunate enough to have close relations with at least one family member.

I love my family but my friends are definitely the family I have chosen, so they count every bit as much.

I have great parents, but as I said, I learned young that "outsiders" are every bit as important.

This might change if I become a father, but as of now love is what keeps me together with people, not blood.

That's,

Interesting. My best friends parents were more like the parents I wanted. I think of that entire family often. They accepted me as one of their own children. It's kind of a bitter/sweet thing I guess. I can still picture my self on that slow walk home after spending the week end with them. I hated going home most of the time.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents very much. But the bonds I made in life with others are just as strong, often stronger.

If all you have in common is blood, then that is sad. And quite often, that is how I feel.

But I do want kids, which is the difference between me and my dad.

I know,

I love mine as well. But back then it was tough a lot of the time. I find my self wishing I had children these days. But life is what it is.  :)

#185 Fridge

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Posted 07 December 2015 - 09:54 AM

I can't have kids.

My DNA is basically toxic, and I couldn't risk afflicting a child with my illnesses.........

#186 Segue Myles

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Posted 07 December 2015 - 02:09 PM

View PostFridge, on 07 December 2015 - 09:54 AM, said:

I can't have kids.

My DNA is basically toxic, and I couldn't risk afflicting a child with my illnesses.........

Oh dear...I have a friend with a severe disability who feels the same way (her illness was passed on from her mother).

Love you buddy!

#187 HemiBeers

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Posted 07 December 2015 - 03:57 PM

You'll all be glad to know that my own demon spawn exist. But they don't like Rush despite all my encouragement. Hey...semon...who knew you could make stuff out of it? I just thought it was like confetti hanging around after the party is over. Never really was motivated for children, but I'm glad for the experience. Procreation is not as necessary as it was 100-200 years ago and there's many other alternatives in life, so I completely understand both sides of the issue. If someone does have children, I have no patience for parental neglect...it's your puppy, you clean up after it.

Edited by 2112FirstStreet, 07 December 2015 - 03:58 PM.


#188 Sera

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Posted 07 December 2015 - 05:08 PM

I was quite young when I gave birth to my Son and as much as I love him,I really can't imagine myself having any more children.

#189 IwillchooseFreeWill

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 08:21 PM

I am childless by choice and by accident. My first husband said the world was too horrible to bring a child into. (There's more than that but never mind). My second husband was too work involved to even have time for me much less kids. My third husband already had 3 kids so it wasn't an issue.  I have never had maternal feelings nor gone mushy about babies. Kids are interesting when you can talk to them but that's it.  I had an unhappy childhood and don't want to repeat it on some small human.

Carol still sigless

#190 RocknRollResearcher

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 11:47 PM

View Postx1yyz, on 11 August 2014 - 07:26 PM, said:

Have you chosen to not have children?  (This goes for men as well as women, since it takes two to tango.)  If so, how old were you when you made that choice?  Was it difficult?

I've known ever since I was a child that I never wanted kids.  I just never had the biological or emotional drive to do so.  I've heard friends talking about how much they wanted kids and I find it interesting just how foreign that concept is to me, like telling a fish you want to learn about driving a car.

Are there others here who feel the same way?

LOL.  I have too many kids, but one of my bandmates (I play in a band) elected for a vasectomy at 27.  And so of course, we have a song about it.  There's a line in it about one particular part of the procedure that other men hear and go, oh yeah- that part!  :-)

#191 vitalsigns318

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Posted 15 February 2017 - 12:16 PM

View PostEagleMoon, on 12 August 2014 - 01:46 AM, said:

I never wanted kids. I was glad when I grew up so I could be an eternal child. I don't need the competition. :lol:
I kinda feel the same way. I love to create, I am the Mom of dragons, cats, songs and articles.





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