Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.
I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary. If so, maybe I got it from my mother. Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.
I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material. And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.
Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.
For us, it was truly a surprise. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor. (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"... honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)
Had we known? I might have chosen to abort. I don't know for sure, though.
As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.
We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision. We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes... Loved that child on first sight. But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine". I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would. Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.
But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child? What are your feelings about being adopted? Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up? Do you ever wonder about her? Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her? I always wonder...
I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but... what was your experience?
Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but... I've always wondered.
I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me. Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so. Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me. My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders. Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.
I neither love nor hate my biological parents. I am very indifferent towards them. I have no desire whatsoever to meet them. But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.? What I wish I did know more about what their medical history. I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families. I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.
In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily. If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal. There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.
I love my family, but my teen years were messy and my closest role models were my best friends parents.
All you said is true: blood is thicker than water applies only to those fortunate enough to have close relations with at least one family member.
I love my family but my friends are definitely the family I have chosen, so they count every bit as much.
I have great parents, but as I said, I learned young that "outsiders" are every bit as important.
This might change if I become a father, but as of now love is what keeps me together with people, not blood.