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Deciding to be child-free


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People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption. It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

 

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

 

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary. If so, maybe I got it from my mother. Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

 

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material. And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.

Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

 

For us, it was truly a surprise. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor. (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"... honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)

Had we known? I might have chosen to abort. I don't know for sure, though.

As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.

We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision. We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes... Loved that child on first sight. But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine". I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would. Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

 

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child? What are your feelings about being adopted? Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up? Do you ever wonder about her? Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her? I always wonder...

I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but... what was your experience?

 

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but... I've always wondered.

 

I don't think you're pulling this thread off-topic as it raises an interesting point. Somewhere that couple and child are hopefully living a happy life. You had a child you didn't want (it looks so harsh when written as text), but you gave someone who might not have had the oppertunity themselves the chance to experience that.

 

I really don't know how that feels, both being the one giving up a child for an adoption, those who adopt or the child being adopted. Did you do it anomynous or will the child know who was its biological parents?

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People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption. It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

 

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

 

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary. If so, maybe I got it from my mother. Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

 

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material. And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.

Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

 

For us, it was truly a surprise. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor. (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"... honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)

Had we known? I might have chosen to abort. I don't know for sure, though.

As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.

We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision. We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes... Loved that child on first sight. But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine". I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would. Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

 

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child? What are your feelings about being adopted? Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up? Do you ever wonder about her? Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her? I always wonder...

I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but... what was your experience?

 

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but... I've always wondered.

 

I don't think you're pulling this thread off-topic as it raises an interesting point. Somewhere that couple and child are hopefully living a happy life. You had a child you didn't want (it looks so harsh when written as text), but you gave someone who might not have had the oppertunity themselves the chance to experience that.

 

I really don't know how that feels, both being the one giving up a child for an adoption, those who adopt or the child being adopted. Did you do it anomynous or will the child know who was its biological parents?

 

We were given profiles of a few couples, and we chose the couple we liked/resonated with best. We told the counselor that, if he wanted to meet us, we didn't mind being found.

The way it worked with that place was, at 18 yrs, with his adoptive parent's blessing, or at 21 if they didn't approve. (he's like, 20, now. I wonder if we'll get a call/visit? OMG... I hope he doesn't hate us...)

We got pictures and progress reports for a little while, and he looked very happy.

 

For me, giving my son to another couple was the greatest way I could love him. I simply don't have the "mommy" thing. Even holding him in my arms.

I loved him, I thought he was the most amazing thing in the world. He was a beautiful little sweetie, and I still remember looking into those indigo eyes and seeing the entire universe there.

But I also knew that... I just wasn't the "mommy" he'd need me to be. I have the love, but I'm not the nurturing kind. And I know that about myself.

 

I just ... I was raised in a loving home. Mom is just amazing and strong and wonderful, my dad was more than I realized... I have some lovely memories. And part of me wishes I could do that. Be the "mommy". And I wonder, I do really wonder... as much as his adoptive parents love him, does he ever wonder about us? About me? Does he ever think that we hated him, didn't want him? That we just threw him aside? Coz that's not how it was.

We loved him, still do. We loved him enough to give him to someone who could be the nurturing, supportive, parents that he needed.

 

It's a complicated swirl of emotion, feeling such a deep love, yet knowing that just love wouldn't be enough.

And the worry that he might not understand.

 

I wonder, do I even understand it all.?.

*ugh* So very complicated!

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i'm adopted and i have never been anything but thankful that my birth mother gave me to my mom and dad. they were great parents who couldn't have any kids of their own and i never felt like anything was missing from my life just because my awesome mom who raised me wasn't the person who popped me out.

 

with that said now that both my parents are dead i sometimes think about trying to find my birth mother. i'm not sure though because i don't know how she would feel about it and i wouldn't want to hurt her. also it seems kind of maybe disrespectful to my mom? i don't know, it's confusing

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i'm adopted and i have never been anything but thankful that my birth mother gave me to my mom and dad. they were great parents who couldn't have any kids of their own and i never felt like anything was missing from my life just because my awesome mom who raised me wasn't the person who popped me out.

 

with that said now that both my parents are dead i sometimes think about trying to find my birth mother. i'm not sure though because i don't know how she would feel about it and i wouldn't want to hurt her. also it seems kind of maybe disrespectful to my mom? i don't know, it's confusing

 

:heart: Aww man. It does get confusing. There's a lot of emotion when it comes to family. Even more, I think, when adoption is part of the equation.

 

I'm so glad you had such great, loving parents.

 

I can't speak for all birth-parents out there, coz every experience/life is different, but if you really want to find her, I think it's worthwhile to at least try. It will be emotional, no matter the outcome, so tread lightly. Maybe have someone contact her on your behalf, to "test the waters", so-to-speak. The go-between can softly introduce the idea, and she can let them know if she'd welcome a meet or not.

 

I don't think that searching for your birth mother would be disrespectful to your mom. You love her, and she loved you. There is a bond, and you know how you feel in your heart. Wanting to know about your birth mother isn't disrespectful, it's a natural curiosity about a part of your life.

For whatever reasons, she couldn't be the mom you needed. But she did give you, and your parents a great gift. You got the loving family who wanted you, who loved you, who raised you. She gave your parents a child they wanted, but could not have on their own.

 

Whatever you decide, I really do wish you the best. :hug2:

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People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption. It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

 

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

 

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary. If so, maybe I got it from my mother. Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

 

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material. And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.

Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

 

For us, it was truly a surprise. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor. (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"... honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)

Had we known? I might have chosen to abort. I don't know for sure, though.

As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.

We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision. We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes... Loved that child on first sight. But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine". I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would. Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

 

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child? What are your feelings about being adopted? Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up? Do you ever wonder about her? Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her? I always wonder...

I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but... what was your experience?

 

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but... I've always wondered.

 

I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me. Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so. Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me. My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders. Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.

 

I neither love nor hate my biological parents. I am very indifferent towards them. I have no desire whatsoever to meet them. But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.? What I wish I did know more about what their medical history. I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families. I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.

 

In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily. If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal. There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.

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People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption. It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

 

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

 

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary. If so, maybe I got it from my mother. Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

 

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material. And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.

Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

 

For us, it was truly a surprise. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor. (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"... honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)

Had we known? I might have chosen to abort. I don't know for sure, though.

As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.

We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision. We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes... Loved that child on first sight. But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine". I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would. Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

 

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child? What are your feelings about being adopted? Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up? Do you ever wonder about her? Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her? I always wonder...

I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but... what was your experience?

 

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but... I've always wondered.

 

I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me. Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so. Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me. My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders. Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.

 

I neither love nor hate my biological parents. I am very indifferent towards them. I have no desire whatsoever to meet them. But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.? What I wish I did know more about what their medical history. I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families. I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.

 

In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily. If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal. There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.

 

I love my family, but my teen years were messy and my closest role models were my best friends parents.

 

All you said is true: blood is thicker than water applies only to those fortunate enough to have close relations with at least one family member.

 

I love my family but my friends are definitely the family I have chosen, so they count every bit as much.

 

I have great parents, but as I said, I learned young that "outsiders" are every bit as important.

 

This might change if I become a father, but as of now love is what keeps me together with people, not blood.

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People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption. It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

 

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

 

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary. If so, maybe I got it from my mother. Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

 

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material. And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.

Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

 

For us, it was truly a surprise. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor. (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"... honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)

Had we known? I might have chosen to abort. I don't know for sure, though.

As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.

We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision. We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes... Loved that child on first sight. But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine". I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would. Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

 

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child? What are your feelings about being adopted? Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up? Do you ever wonder about her? Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her? I always wonder...

I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but... what was your experience?

 

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but... I've always wondered.

 

I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me. Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so. Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me. My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders. Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.

 

I neither love nor hate my biological parents. I am very indifferent towards them. I have no desire whatsoever to meet them. But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.? What I wish I did know more about what their medical history. I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families. I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.

 

In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily. If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal. There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.

 

I love my family, but my teen years were messy and my closest role models were my best friends parents.

 

All you said is true: blood is thicker than water applies only to those fortunate enough to have close relations with at least one family member.

 

I love my family but my friends are definitely the family I have chosen, so they count every bit as much.

 

I have great parents, but as I said, I learned young that "outsiders" are every bit as important.

 

This might change if I become a father, but as of now love is what keeps me together with people, not blood.

 

That's,

 

Interesting. My best friends parents were more like the parents I wanted. I think of that entire family often. They accepted me as one of their own children. It's kind of a bitter/sweet thing I guess. I can still picture my self on that slow walk home after spending the week end with them. I hated going home most of the time.

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People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption. It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

 

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

 

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary. If so, maybe I got it from my mother. Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

 

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material. And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.

Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

 

For us, it was truly a surprise. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor. (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"... honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)

Had we known? I might have chosen to abort. I don't know for sure, though.

As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.

We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision. We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes... Loved that child on first sight. But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine". I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would. Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

 

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child? What are your feelings about being adopted? Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up? Do you ever wonder about her? Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her? I always wonder...

I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but... what was your experience?

 

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but... I've always wondered.

 

I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me. Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so. Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me. My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders. Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.

 

I neither love nor hate my biological parents. I am very indifferent towards them. I have no desire whatsoever to meet them. But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.? What I wish I did know more about what their medical history. I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families. I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.

 

In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily. If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal. There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.

 

I love my family, but my teen years were messy and my closest role models were my best friends parents.

 

All you said is true: blood is thicker than water applies only to those fortunate enough to have close relations with at least one family member.

 

I love my family but my friends are definitely the family I have chosen, so they count every bit as much.

 

I have great parents, but as I said, I learned young that "outsiders" are every bit as important.

 

This might change if I become a father, but as of now love is what keeps me together with people, not blood.

 

That's,

 

Interesting. My best friends parents were more like the parents I wanted. I think of that entire family often. They accepted me as one of their own children. It's kind of a bitter/sweet thing I guess. I can still picture my self on that slow walk home after spending the week end with them. I hated going home most of the time.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents very much. But the bonds I made in life with others are just as strong, often stronger.

 

If all you have in common is blood, then that is sad. And quite often, that is how I feel.

 

But I do want kids, which is the difference between me and my dad.

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People like that really need to give their kids up for adoption. It's just not fair to the kids to grow up in a world of hate.

 

Speaking as someone who was adopted (at age 2 months; I was born to an unwed mother who obviously didn't want me) I am thrilled my biological parents gave me up so I could be raised by parents who actually wanted me.

 

I do wonder if the desire to not have children is hereditary. If so, maybe I got it from my mother. Certainly this is a gene which would quickly die out.

 

I always knew I wasn't "mommy" material. And sweetie never really has the "daddy" drive, either.

Buuuut... things happen, and one finds themselves with a decision to make.

 

For us, it was truly a surprise. I actually had no idea that I was pregnant until I was in labor. (No missed period, no movement in my belly, no "baby bump"... honestly, there was nothing to tell me, or sweetie...)

Had we known? I might have chosen to abort. I don't know for sure, though.

As it was, we gave our baby up for adoption.

We read profiles of hopeful couples, we spoke with a counselor there at the hospital, and we both were happy with that decision. We held him, we named him, and I fell into those deep, indigo eyes... Loved that child on first sight. But even with the flood of hormones and endorphins and all, I knew he wasn't "mine". I still didn't feel the "mommy" thing kicking in, and I knew that I never really would. Adoption was the best thing I ever decided.

 

But I always wondered, what are the thoughts of the child? What are your feelings about being adopted? Do you ever resent your mom for getting pregnant and giving you up? Do you ever wonder about her? Do you Love her/hate her/feel nothing for her? I always wonder...

I know every child feels different, and every situation is unique, and I don't expect you to be the spokes-person for every adoptee, but... what was your experience?

 

Sorry if I'm pulling the thread off-topic, but... I've always wondered.

 

I was adopted at age two months, and I've know I was adopted for as far back as I can remember so it always seemed "normal" for me. Not only have I never resented my birth mother for giving me up, I completely respect and appreciate that she did so. Rather than grow up in a situation where I was very possibly not wanted (and who knows how I would have been treated) I instead grew up in a family with parents that very much loved and wanted me. My adoptive parents are very much my parents and my biological parents are the outsiders. Being part of an adoptive family makes you realize that blood ties mean nothing; it is the emotional ties (or lack thereof) that make (or break) a family.

 

I neither love nor hate my biological parents. I am very indifferent towards them. I have no desire whatsoever to meet them. But I am curious about them--what did they look like, are we similar in any way, etc.? What I wish I did know more about what their medical history. I was born in the 60s when adoptions were completely closed, and no information was exchanged between birth and adoptive families. I know things are different nowadays and some birth parents stay in contact with the adoptive family--that could be great, and then the child would grow up being loved by even more people, and that makes the situation even better.

 

In terms of your own child, know that kids adapt to things very easily. If your kid grew up with adoptive parents then that is his normal. There is a very high chance that he is grateful for his situation, and only thinks the best of you for the choices you made.

 

I love my family, but my teen years were messy and my closest role models were my best friends parents.

 

All you said is true: blood is thicker than water applies only to those fortunate enough to have close relations with at least one family member.

 

I love my family but my friends are definitely the family I have chosen, so they count every bit as much.

 

I have great parents, but as I said, I learned young that "outsiders" are every bit as important.

 

This might change if I become a father, but as of now love is what keeps me together with people, not blood.

 

That's,

 

Interesting. My best friends parents were more like the parents I wanted. I think of that entire family often. They accepted me as one of their own children. It's kind of a bitter/sweet thing I guess. I can still picture my self on that slow walk home after spending the week end with them. I hated going home most of the time.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents very much. But the bonds I made in life with others are just as strong, often stronger.

 

If all you have in common is blood, then that is sad. And quite often, that is how I feel.

 

But I do want kids, which is the difference between me and my dad.

 

I know,

 

I love mine as well. But back then it was tough a lot of the time. I find my self wishing I had children these days. But life is what it is. :)

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I can't have kids.

 

My DNA is basically toxic, and I couldn't risk afflicting a child with my illnesses.........

 

Oh dear...I have a friend with a severe disability who feels the same way (her illness was passed on from her mother).

 

Love you buddy!

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You'll all be glad to know that my own demon spawn exist. But they don't like Rush despite all my encouragement. Hey...semon...who knew you could make stuff out of it? I just thought it was like confetti hanging around after the party is over. Never really was motivated for children, but I'm glad for the experience. Procreation is not as necessary as it was 100-200 years ago and there's many other alternatives in life, so I completely understand both sides of the issue. If someone does have children, I have no patience for parental neglect...it's your puppy, you clean up after it. Edited by 2112FirstStreet
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I am childless by choice and by accident. My first husband said the world was too horrible to bring a child into. (There's more than that but never mind). My second husband was too work involved to even have time for me much less kids. My third husband already had 3 kids so it wasn't an issue. I have never had maternal feelings nor gone mushy about babies. Kids are interesting when you can talk to them but that's it. I had an unhappy childhood and don't want to repeat it on some small human.

 

Carol still sigless

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Have you chosen to not have children? (This goes for men as well as women, since it takes two to tango.) If so, how old were you when you made that choice? Was it difficult?

 

I've known ever since I was a child that I never wanted kids. I just never had the biological or emotional drive to do so. I've heard friends talking about how much they wanted kids and I find it interesting just how foreign that concept is to me, like telling a fish you want to learn about driving a car.

 

Are there others here who feel the same way?

 

LOL. I have too many kids, but one of my bandmates (I play in a band) elected for a vasectomy at 27. And so of course, we have a song about it. There's a line in it about one particular part of the procedure that other men hear and go, oh yeah- that part! :-)

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Oh here I go again. Reviving a thread I just happened to peruse.

 

For Karen and I the decision was in neither of our minds some 30+ years ago. We got married, I moved into Karen's apartment from Detroit, and the wedded bliss began. Then things happened.

 

We got it into our minds to house hunt, found a place, made an offer, accepted, trashed my old job pension for a down payment, etc.

 

Then Karen would develop these God awful pains during her periods, she'd regularly miss a day or two every months. Plus, she'd get this intense craving to chew and swallow ice cubes. At that particular time 2 plus 2 did not equal 4, neither of us new this had to do with fibroids. Karen would see a Gyno, get a D & C and a laprascopy, but those were no help. Finally Karen basically said "F--k this s--t", went in, and got cut ( hysterectomy). Bada Bing Bada Boom, Karen never looked back or at what might have been, and still thinks it was a good decision.

 

Me? No looking back or coulda woulda shoulda either, OMG I would have parented my kids like my parents did to me! Kid gets into it, runs his mouth with sass and backtalk, etc., Oh lord out would come the (belt, strap, switch, "Bo Jackson" special, u pick'em) . Nowadays that will get a parent the one way jail ticket.

 

Fortunately for both us, we dealt with it through our friends' kids. Lots of good, very little bad, memories galore, but now water under the bridge and gone.

 

That's all about the decision. Lots more stories and adventures, but they may (or not) be part of a whole NWW thread.

Edited by pjbear05
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I never though about it but I've loved being dad to my kids these last 13 years. None are biologically mine but I'm the one who raised them. I wouldn't trade it for all the money and time back
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Getting married and/or having children is a deeply personal decision for everyone. There is no Right or Wrong answer.

 

What is Wrong - extremely Wrong - is when people who do have children patronize and even criticize those who don't. The patronizing is the worst part. People get on their self-righteous high horses and assume that childless people are unhappy, which leads to patronizing comments and advice. :boo hiss: :boo hiss:

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Getting married and/or having children is a deeply personal decision for everyone. There is no Right or Wrong answer.

 

What is Wrong - extremely Wrong - is when people who do have children patronize and even criticize those who don't. The patronizing is the worst part. People get on their self-righteous high horses and assume that childless people are unhappy, which leads to patronizing comments and advice. :boo hiss: :boo hiss:

So many people think that the way they do things is the only way to do things. They don't seem to care or even try to understand how or why others may do things differently from them. They just judge for the sake of judging. Edited by snowdogged
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Getting married and/or having children is a deeply personal decision for everyone. There is no Right or Wrong answer.

 

What is Wrong - extremely Wrong - is when people who do have children patronize and even criticize those who don't. The patronizing is the worst part. People get on their self-righteous high horses and assume that childless people are unhappy, which leads to patronizing comments and advice. :boo hiss: :boo hiss:

 

I just had that yesterday from my Father-in-Law

 

he seemed surprised when I told him to go f**k himself :)

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Getting married and/or having children is a deeply personal decision for everyone. There is no Right or Wrong answer.

 

What is Wrong - extremely Wrong - is when people who do have children patronize and even criticize those who don't. The patronizing is the worst part. People get on their self-righteous high horses and assume that childless people are unhappy, which leads to patronizing comments and advice. :boo hiss: :boo hiss:

 

I just had that yesterday from my Father-in-Law

 

he seemed surprised when I told him to go f**k himself :)

My mother-in-law made some of those bs comments in the past. I politely left it at “We’ll see” those times she asked. She stopped asking. But believe me, I wanted to say, “Go f**k yourself” every time.

 

I always seem to get it from people who appear to have the worst family relations (whether with their husbands/wives and/or kids).

I’m glad to say that none of my immediate family members has ever pressured me or even raised the topic. And I’ve got 5 brothers and my dad had 12 bros and sisters growing up.

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Getting married and/or having children is a deeply personal decision for everyone. There is no Right or Wrong answer.

 

What is Wrong - extremely Wrong - is when people who do have children patronize and even criticize those who don't. The patronizing is the worst part. People get on their self-righteous high horses and assume that childless people are unhappy, which leads to patronizing comments and advice. :boo hiss: :boo hiss:

 

I just had that yesterday from my Father-in-Law

 

he seemed surprised when I told him to go f**k himself :)

I always seem to get it from people who appear to have the worst family relations (whether with their husbands/wives and/or kids).

 

And there's the rub..it's never from people who seem genuinely happy with their lot...it's like they resent the fact you don't have to experience their misery.

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Getting married and/or having children is a deeply personal decision for everyone. There is no Right or Wrong answer.

 

What is Wrong - extremely Wrong - is when people who do have children patronize and even criticize those who don't. The patronizing is the worst part. People get on their self-righteous high horses and assume that childless people are unhappy, which leads to patronizing comments and advice. :boo hiss: :boo hiss:

 

I just had that yesterday from my Father-in-Law

 

he seemed surprised when I told him to go f**k himself :)

I always seem to get it from people who appear to have the worst family relations (whether with their husbands/wives and/or kids).

 

And there's the rub..it's never from people who seem genuinely happy with their lot...it's like they resent the fact you don't have to experience their misery.

 

Yeah it does seem like that.

 

This one acquaintance has tried to guilt me into having kids by pointing to the fact that Japan’s population is decreasing due to couples delaying marriage or having fewer kids or not getting married at all. As if that’s going to make me start having kids. I should start having kids because Japan’s population is decreasing?! f**k off! :LOL: Seriously, that was her bullshit reasoning

 

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