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Deciding to be child-free


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I couldn't have kids..... that was very hard to accept. I would have been a great mother. Rethink your wish not to have kids.

 

Amen.

 

Really? I mean, I feel for people who really, really want to be parents and nature won't cooperate. But I don't get why that means someone else should consider changing their mind on having them when they really, really DON'T want a kid.

Agreed 1000%. Its a difficult enough task when you sign up for it voluntarily..... Edited by Narpski
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OK, slight shift here - has anyone here adopted or fostered children, of any age? See, that's something I could have seen myself doing at some point: adopting an older child (say, around 7-9). But man, I know they do come with some baggage if they're looking to find a permanent family at that age. My former supervisor is about to adopt a little boy, elementary school-age, and she will be a single parent. It's just something she feels moved to do and I know she'll be a really great mom.
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OK, slight shift here - has anyone here adopted or fostered children, of any age? See, that's something I could have seen myself doing at some point: adopting an older child (say, around 7-9). But man, I know they do come with some baggage if they're looking to find a permanent family at that age. My former supervisor is about to adopt a little boy, elementary school-age, and she will be a single parent. It's just something she feels moved to do and I know she'll be a really great mom.

My parents were foster parents. I think it's a noble cause and I've considered it. Seems tough though. I have two close friends who were adopted. So many children out there who just want a stable environment to call their own and a place to flourish.

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I think I have shared this before, but I guess I can share it again, in the spirit of honesty, although I don't like to talk about it.

There are several reasons why I never wanted to have kids, but most of them revolve around punishing my parents for a) letting us get fat, and b) our religious, racist, white trash, emotion based, irrational "thinking," TV watching, no book reading, upbringing.

Under no god damned circumstances whatsoever could I possibly allow another human being's life be utterly destroyed, like mine was, on account of being fat. Not no, hell no. I made damned sure that I was not going to get a girl pregnant and I made damned sure that whoever I married couldn't have kids. I never thought I'd be a good dad, anyway. I'd rather be someone's friend than their boss, which makes neither for a manager nor a dad.

I believe that I made the right decision not to have kids because my brothers kids are fat and they are the ultimate white trash. The family are more pathetic human beings than we were. Yall have heard me talk about this before in SOCN.

 

However, a part of me wants to kidnap all 3 of the kids and show my brother how to do the job properly, as I believe I could, now that I've sort of matured.

Edited by Aikenrooster
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Mara, you should charge a fee to have access to your posts. They are genuinely hilarious.

I am pretty sure you are the president of the Mara fan club but I am the vice president then. I really dig that womans insight. She is bad ass in a good way and not that it matters is probably hot to boot... :) Edited by Narpski
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Mara, you should charge a fee to have access to your posts. They are genuinely hilarious.

I am pretty sure you are the president of the Mara fan club but I am the vice president then. I really dig that womans insight. She is bad ass in a good way and not that it matters is probably hot to boot... :)

 

:blush: Awwww, YOU GUYS! Janie puts me to shame in the hilarity department (she's awesomely funny and has come up with some real classics over the years), and the pair of you are pretty formidable as well!

 

If I can ever figure out how to shrink pictures to something smaller than poster size, I'll add a photo in my profile and y'all can judge for yourselves. :) Rooster and I did stay in the same hotel for the 2013 Raleigh show - I even parked next to his truck once - but due to the fact that I didn't yet have a smartphone we couldn't manage to meet up.

Edited by Mara
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I too feel the need to punch the bad parents on the throat for populating this world with little monsters, the rest of us will spend the rest of our lives damage controlling. That's one of the reasons I shouldn't have kids at this moment; I'd become one of them. ;)

 

Oh I KNOW I would!

 

I dated a guy for three years who had a kid. Manny was 8 when I started dating his dad (and OH SHIT HE IS 24 now - I feel so OLD). Yep, he resented the hell out of me at first, but no one pushed it and he came around.

 

He respected me, strangely enough, even though I was pretty indulgent. I used to pick him up early from his summer camp (with his dad's permission) and we'd go spend the afternoon at US Play, bowling and having our way with the video games.

 

One of the coolest things I remember was the day I was watching Manny (it was during winter break from school and I myself had time off). One of his friends called and wanted him to go to his house down the street for the afternoon. Manny thought about it for a few, then told his buddy, "no thanks. My dad's girlfriend is here and we're playing Duke Nuke 'Em. I'd rather just hang out here with her right now." :)

 

Very cool!

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I couldn't have kids..... that was very hard to accept. I would have been a great mother. Rethink your wish not to have kids.

 

Amen.

 

Really? I mean, I feel for people who really, really want to be parents and nature won't cooperate. But I don't get why that means someone else should consider changing their mind on having them when they really, really DON'T want a kid.

 

Edit - Chicken hawk - I'm really sorry you couldn't have children and I bet you'd have been an awesome mother. The above wasn't meant to make you feel bad - I just don't see the connection, that's all.

 

Same here,

 

Sorry you couldn't have children. But I will be honest with you. I'm too damn selfish. In that, I was never in a situation where I felt like I could be sure I could provide for their needs. At the same time, it's the reponsible thing for any one who doesn't want children and all that comes with it. There are times when I think about what it might have been like. I know I made the right decision in the end.

Edited by troutman
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On the topic of shaming bad parents (which seems to have died about a page ago, but I have something to say), I work at an amusement park in the summer, and an arcade in the winter, my work revolves around entertaining kids, and involuntarily babysitting them. At the amusement park, every once in a while I will get kids come to a ride, and one will be too short and need an adult to ride, and they would tell me that their parents are not coming back (as in they left them alone after buying their tickets) for hours, and they end up badgering me, to let them on, trying to sneak on etc. (okay, so not a good situation, but not a big burden on my part), but the same stuff happens at the arcade, the parents buy the kids tokens, and next thing I know, they disappear, and within 5 minutes the kids are out of tokens, with a hour to kill. Messes and customer badgering ensue. Yes this is an inconvenience to me, but to the point of this article, another reason I don't want to have kids is because I don't want to end up like these awful parents desperate for time away from the kids.

 

Beyond that, a memo to all parents from the public service industry: WE ARE NOT YOUR BABYSITTERS!

 

Bonus: a quick guide connecting parents involvement with children's behavior

The Kids who make me love my job generally have their parents riding rides/playing games with them

The Neutral ones are the semi involved parents (keep in touch with the kids, though not in direct participation)

The Kids that make me want to throw them into a strict boarding school (which is really out of character for me) are generally the unaccompanied (and under age 9) kids (parents (if not outright leaving them alone) being ignorant of any problems they cause

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I think I have shared this before, but I guess I can share it again, in the spirit of honesty, although I don't like to talk about it.

There are several reasons why I never wanted to have kids, but most of them revolve around punishing my parents for a) letting us get fat, and b) our religious, racist, white trash, emotion based, irrational "thinking," TV watching, no book reading, upbringing.

Under no god damned circumstances whatsoever could I possibly allow another human being's life be utterly destroyed, like mine was, on account of being fat. Not no, hell no. I made damned sure that I was not going to get a girl pregnant and I made damned sure that whoever I married couldn't have kids. I never thought I'd be a good dad, anyway. I'd rather be someone's friend than their boss, which makes neither for a manager nor a dad.

I believe that I made the right decision not to have kids because my brothers kids are fat and they are the ultimate white trash. The family are more pathetic human beings than we were. Yall have heard me talk about this before in SOCN.

 

However, a part of me wants to kidnap all 3 of the kids and show my brother how to do the job properly, as I believe I could, now that I've sort of matured.

 

But wouldn't it be in your power to change all that? You are aware of the problems so you would know where to start. I would just hate to see you sell yourself too cheap, because of what others did. To me you seem too smart to be doing that :huh: .

 

Not that you should change your mind about having kids, but give yourself more credit.

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Mara, you should charge a fee to have access to your posts. They are genuinely hilarious.

I am pretty sure you are the president of the Mara fan club but I am the vice president then. I really dig that womans insight. She is bad ass in a good way and not that it matters is probably hot to boot... :)

That's irrelevant to me. It's her ability to string together words into a cynical and funny story that makes me a fanboy. She's like the Mark Twain of these forums.

 

I do think Mara be holding out in SOCN. Her posts are funny, but with a major in philosophy, she's probably got some really deep thoughts and ideas on those matters, but never posts them. Then again, with some of the personal attacks that are waged, I can't blame her.

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Of course there is the flip side - what if you do your absolute best in raising your kid - fair and consistent discipline, time, unconditional love, guidance, etc. - and despite all that the offspring still grow up to be turds on legs?

 

Not sure if this is the place but... my two cents about this.

 

Kids start learning good behavior through consequence, right? Be good, you'll get good things. Be bad, time out, go to your room, whatever... consequence. That should be how they START learning good behavior. Some parents use that as a model their whole childhood and what happens is kids figure out that they can avoid the consequences (by not getting caught) instead of changing the behavior. Kids can be pretty damn smart.

 

It is rather easy (I think) to control a child when they are in your presence. If they act up, discipline them. Easy.

 

The key to good parenting that I make the strongest of efforts to stick to is - Teach them how to be good, empathetic and caring when no one is looking. Young kids aim to please and once they hit the age of 5 or 6 (any younger it's just not entirely possible) they can be taught to empathize with others and be aware of how their actions affect others. That is the key. If that is never addressed and it is just "be bad and I'll punish you" they will never have the tools to properly behave when those consequences no longer exist and, let's face it, I know plenty of people who are complete a**holes who get away with it because they're attractive, a good athlete, a musician, popular, etc.

 

Very similar to religion for me. Don't be a nice person or don't steal and kill people because you're afraid to go to hell, do it because it is the right thing to do and you have compassion for others. Be a nice person because you want to be help people and feel joy that you can only feel by making others happy.

 

Kids can learn this stuff and that is how kids grow up to be good people. Anyone can be a disciplinarian. Parenting takes way more thinking.

 

All of this is just my opinion but I believe it with all my heart.

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Mara, you should charge a fee to have access to your posts. They are genuinely hilarious.

I am pretty sure you are the president of the Mara fan club but I am the vice president then. I really dig that womans insight. She is bad ass in a good way and not that it matters is probably hot to boot... :)

 

:blush: Awwww, YOU GUYS! Janie puts me to shame in the hilarity department (she's awesomely funny and has come up with some real classics over the years), and the pair of you are pretty formidable as well!

 

If I can ever figure out how to shrink pictures to something smaller than poster size, I'll add a photo in my profile and y'all can judge for yourselves. :) Rooster and I did stay in the same hotel for the 2013 Raleigh show - I even parked next to his truck once - but due to the fact that I didn't yet have a smartphone we couldn't manage to meet up.

Oh the things that have been said! Thanks for the compliment Mara. :) As the others have said, you're a funny, witty gal yourself.

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I have lurked in this thread a bit, and figured I would post. I really appreciate everyones honesty in this department, I have learned a lot.

 

I have 3 boys, and my wife and I will probably have more kids. Its great, but certainly not for everyone. When I read many of yalls posts regarding not having children, most of the reasoning makes me think you would or could have been great parents. Recognizing your own limitations as well as mistakes that your parents and other family members made, many of you put so much thought into this decision and would never want to bring a child into a sub optimal environment. In some ways I kind of think of it like politicians, often times the people who would make the best ones have no desire to be one.

 

TAG said something along these lines, dont sell yourself short, you could be a great parent, not trying to change anyones minds or say you have an obligation to be one, but give yourself some credit!

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I have lurked in this thread a bit, and figured I would post. I really appreciate everyones honesty in this department, I have learned a lot.

 

I have 3 boys, and my wife and I will probably have more kids. Its great, but certainly not for everyone. When I read many of yalls posts regarding not having children, most of the reasoning makes me think you would or could have been great parents. Recognizing your own limitations as well as mistakes that your parents and other family members made, many of you put so much thought into this decision and would never want to bring a child into a sub optimal environment. In some ways I kind of think of it like politicians, often times the people who would make the best ones have no desire to be one.

 

TAG said something along these lines, dont sell yourself short, you could be a great parent, not trying to change anyones minds or say you have an obligation to be one, but give yourself some credit!

 

It reminds me of the proverb "let those who will not rule reign". I know that should I become a father whatever I have as reasons for not wanting to be one (as of now), will likely be diminished by my love to the child. I'm pretty good at adapting to life :)

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I have lurked in this thread a bit, and figured I would post. I really appreciate everyones honesty in this department, I have learned a lot.

 

I have 3 boys, and my wife and I will probably have more kids. Its great, but certainly not for everyone. When I read many of yalls posts regarding not having children, most of the reasoning makes me think you would or could have been great parents. Recognizing your own limitations as well as mistakes that your parents and other family members made, many of you put so much thought into this decision and would never want to bring a child into a sub optimal environment. In some ways I kind of think of it like politicians, often times the people who would make the best ones have no desire to be one.

 

TAG said something along these lines, dont sell yourself short, you could be a great parent, not trying to change anyones minds or say you have an obligation to be one, but give yourself some credit!

 

 

:goodone: :cheers:

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I think there should be a registration of some kind to have children. People should have to pass an IQ test and then be able to prove that they can support the children that they're bringing into the world.
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I think there should be a registration of some kind to have children. People should have to pass an IQ test and then be able to prove that they can support the children that they're bringing into the world.

The unfortunate part of that is then there goes freedom and liberty or move to China I guess..... :)
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I think there should be a registration of some kind to have children. People should have to pass an IQ test and then be able to prove that they can support the children that they're bringing into the world.

The unfortunate part of that is then there goes freedom and liberty or move to China I guess..... :)

 

There's no such thing as complete freedom and liberty. We're all under someones thumb, either a government or an employer...etc.

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I think there should be a registration of some kind to have children. People should have to pass an IQ test and then be able to prove that they can support the children that they're bringing into the world.

The unfortunate part of that is then there goes freedom and liberty or move to China I guess..... :)

 

There's no such thing as complete freedom and liberty. We're all under someones thumb, either a government or an employer...etc.

I realize that. I should have said another piece of our freedom and liberty to be precise. Unfortunately folks are free to make ill informed and frankly stupid decisions too. :| My bad....
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I think there should be a registration of some kind to have children. People should have to pass an IQ test and then be able to prove that they can support the children that they're bringing into the world.

The unfortunate part of that is then there goes freedom and liberty or move to China I guess..... :)

 

There's no such thing as complete freedom and liberty. We're all under someones thumb, either a government or an employer...etc.

I realize that. I should have said another piece of our freedom and liberty to be precise. Unfortunately folks are free to make ill informed and frankly stupid decisions too. :| My bad....

 

I think it's just a shame that so many childless couples who really want them can't get them because of red tape. Yet here are all these government supported families with a dozen children running around and they can't even afford to feed them.

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I think there should be a registration of some kind to have children. People should have to pass an IQ test and then be able to prove that they can support the children that they're bringing into the world.

The unfortunate part of that is then there goes freedom and liberty or move to China I guess..... :)

 

There's no such thing as complete freedom and liberty. We're all under someones thumb, either a government or an employer...etc.

I realize that. I should have said another piece of our freedom and liberty to be precise. Unfortunately folks are free to make ill informed and frankly stupid decisions too. :| My bad....

 

I think it's just a shame that so many childless couples who really want them can't get them because of red tape. Yet here are all these government supported families with a dozen children running around and they can't even afford to feed them.

I agree but the world and our government are far from perfect. No government should be paying (thus encouraging) folks to breed like rabbits....
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I think there should be a registration of some kind to have children. People should have to pass an IQ test and then be able to prove that they can support the children that they're bringing into the world.

The unfortunate part of that is then there goes freedom and liberty or move to China I guess..... :)

 

There's no such thing as complete freedom and liberty. We're all under someones thumb, either a government or an employer...etc.

I realize that. I should have said another piece of our freedom and liberty to be precise. Unfortunately folks are free to make ill informed and frankly stupid decisions too. :| My bad....

 

I think it's just a shame that so many childless couples who really want them can't get them because of red tape. Yet here are all these government supported families with a dozen children running around and they can't even afford to feed them.

I agree but the world and our government are far from perfect. No government should be paying (thus encouraging) folks to breed like rabbits....

 

I agree. But the more children they have the more support they get. At the very least people who are on government support should be limited to the amount of children they can have.

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I think there should be a registration of some kind to have children. People should have to pass an IQ test and then be able to prove that they can support the children that they're bringing into the world.

The unfortunate part of that is then there goes freedom and liberty or move to China I guess..... :)

 

There's no such thing as complete freedom and liberty. We're all under someones thumb, either a government or an employer...etc.

I realize that. I should have said another piece of our freedom and liberty to be precise. Unfortunately folks are free to make ill informed and frankly stupid decisions too. :| My bad....

 

I think it's just a shame that so many childless couples who really want them can't get them because of red tape. Yet here are all these government supported families with a dozen children running around and they can't even afford to feed them.

I agree but the world and our government are far from perfect. No government should be paying (thus encouraging) folks to breed like rabbits....

 

I agree. But the more children they have the more support they get. At the very least people who are on government support should be limited to the amount of children they can have.

There shouldn't be any government support of that kind in my view but if there is going to be there should be a limited amount they can get assistance for anyway. Have 10 if you want but we will only subsidize 2 for example. Sometimes (should be all the time) you have to be held accountable for stupid and or reckless behavior..... :smash:
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