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Deciding to be child-free

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#1 x1yyz

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 07:26 PM

Have you chosen to not have children?  (This goes for men as well as women, since it takes two to tango.)  If so, how old were you when you made that choice?  Was it difficult?

I've known ever since I was a child that I never wanted kids.  I just never had the biological or emotional drive to do so.  I've heard friends talking about how much they wanted kids and I find it interesting just how foreign that concept is to me, like telling a fish you want to learn about driving a car.

Are there others here who feel the same way?

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#2 Tombstone Mountain

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 07:29 PM

My kids have given me light in a dark world.

#3 Narps

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 07:32 PM

I can't imagine life without my children. Having said that, they are now 27 and 24 and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they never have any. Its fine with me whichever way it goes. I am just happy they haven't made any "mistakes" like others in my extended family have. Children having children..... :|

Edited by Narpski, 11 August 2014 - 07:33 PM.


#4 x1yyz

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 07:40 PM

View PostNarpski, on 11 August 2014 - 07:32 PM, said:

I can't imagine life without my children. Having said that, they are now 27 and 24 and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they never have any. Its fine with me whichever way it goes. I am just happy they haven't made any "mistakes" like others in my extended family have. Children having children..... :|

Yeah, when I was young I knew too many people in the 16-21 age group who were having kids, none of them planned of course.  I wonder if they actually wanted them. :(

#5 Tombstone Mountain

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 07:45 PM

View Postx1yyz, on 11 August 2014 - 07:40 PM, said:

View PostNarpski, on 11 August 2014 - 07:32 PM, said:

I can't imagine life without my children. Having said that, they are now 27 and 24 and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they never have any. Its fine with me whichever way it goes. I am just happy they haven't made any "mistakes" like others in my extended family have. Children having children..... :|

Yeah, when I was young I knew too many people in the 16-21 age group who were having kids, none of them planned of course.  I wonder if they actually wanted them. :(
Only if they were desperate to get on MTV's "16 and pregnant"

#6 BowlCity

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 07:52 PM

I plan on it, but give me another 3-5 years, I got shit to take care of! :D

#7 Tombstone Mountain

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 08:11 PM

What I love about being a parent is watching my son's development. Right now my 9 year old is writing a narrative about "Jumpy the Penguin" for school. It's fun to see the spark

#8 Tombstone Mountain

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 08:12 PM

View PostBowlCity, on 11 August 2014 - 07:52 PM, said:

I plan on it, but give me another 3-5 years, I got shit to take care of! :D
Wait till yer at least 30. Trust me it'll be worth it. For now, sow your wild oats and pray for crop failure

#9 laughedatbytime

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 08:29 PM

I love being a dad.   But if someone doesn't want kids, then they shouldn't have them and do what it takes to prevent conceiving them.

#10 x1yyz

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 09:33 PM

View PostTombstone Mountain, on 11 August 2014 - 08:12 PM, said:

View PostBowlCity, on 11 August 2014 - 07:52 PM, said:

I plan on it, but give me another 3-5 years, I got shit to take care of! :D
Wait till yer at least 30. Trust me it'll be worth it. For now, sow your wild oats and pray for crop failure

Yeah, don't rush into it.  My 20s were a time of just getting to know me; I couldn't imagine having to raise a kid without having completely grown up myself.

#11 bluefox4000

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 09:45 PM

I need care enough as it is with my CP.  like i need a layer of responsibility like that on me, lol

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#12 Mara

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 10:34 PM

Child free by choice here, OP. Like you, I've known all my life that I never, ever wanted children.  I had my tubes tied in my late 20's after searching high and low for a doctor who would agree to that.  (I understand it's easier to find an MD willing to sterilize a young unmarried woman - check the child-free forums as many of them maintain a list.  That is - if you're considering going that route).  I wanted it known upfront by any man I might be dating that kids were not on the agenda and that there would be no changing my mind.  So if they were looking for the future mom of their family, keep looking.

Caught some crap at first from one grandmother who was unhappy about the "end of the family line"; my parents are both only children and my sister couldn't have kids, so I'm it.  (We're a nice bunch of folks but it's not as though we possess some unique genetic material that MUST be perpetuated). She came around, though.

I am in my mid-forties now and have never, ever regretted not having children.  I've been married for nearly eleven years to a man who is also happy with being childless.

Edited by Mara, 11 August 2014 - 10:36 PM.


#13 x1yyz

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 10:49 PM

View PostMara, on 11 August 2014 - 10:34 PM, said:

Child free by choice here, OP. Like you, I've known all my life that I never, ever wanted children.  I had my tubes tied in my late 20's after searching high and low for a doctor who would agree to that.  (I understand it's easier to find an MD willing to sterilize a young unmarried woman - check the child-free forums as many of them maintain a list.  That is - if you're considering going that route).

I once asked a doctor about getting that done.  (This was a doc I was seeing about birth control, so it wasn't coming out of the blue or anything.)  He was an older, white-haired man and told me that he wouldn't sterilize an unmarried woman in her 30s (which I was, at the time).  What, I have to have a husband make that decision for me?  You can believe I didn't go back to see that doctor.

In this relationship my husband was the one who got fixed.  He felt just as strongly about staying child-free as I did, and he got fixed instead of me just because it's less invasive for men.

#14 Mara

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Posted 11 August 2014 - 11:00 PM

It's not that I hate kids - I don't.  But I am so terribly uncomfortable around them.  I can't relate, especially to small children under the age of, say, eight.  To me they're like little aliens, and I don't mean that in a bad way.  I just don't "get" them.  When someone announces a pregnancy the first thing that crosses my mind is, "and they're happy about this??"  I'm not mean, I really am not - I just cannot comprehend the entire child mindset.  Not only has my biological clock failed to ever tick even once, I don't think the batteries ever got installed!

Edited by Mara, 11 August 2014 - 11:00 PM.


#15 EagleMoon

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Posted 12 August 2014 - 01:46 AM

I never wanted kids. I was glad when I grew up so I could be an eternal child. I don't need the competition. :lol:

#16 Babycat

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Posted 12 August 2014 - 02:57 AM

I'm childless through choice too. I knew from a very young age that I didn't want them. All I ever heard was this constant litany: "You'll change your mind when you get older". And: "You're so selfish!"

I'm 43 this year. My biological clock has never ever ticked. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever even had one..!  :P In all honesty, I have no maternal instincts.

I have a husband of 11 years, and he doesn't want children either.

#17 The Analog Grownup

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Posted 12 August 2014 - 04:45 AM

This is odd but I was just thinking about it and then I saw this topic. What hit me was that I can only decide not to have a child; I cannot decide to have one. That is ultimately the choice of the woman.

At the moment I don't want kids, but it can all change if I meet the right woman. I have wanted kids a few years ago, but my priorities are woman first then perhaps kids. I grow older but never feel like I grow into an adult. For now I enjoy being an uncle and that covers my parental needs. I am a little too indulgent though.

#18 Mara

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Posted 12 August 2014 - 09:56 AM

View PostThe Analog Grownup, on 12 August 2014 - 04:45 AM, said:

This is odd but I was just thinking about it and then I saw this topic. What hit me was that I can only decide not to have a child; I cannot decide to have one. That is ultimately the choice of the woman.

At the moment I don't want kids, but it can all change if I meet the right woman. I have wanted kids a few years ago, but my priorities are woman first then perhaps kids. I grow older but never feel like I grow into an adult. For now I enjoy being an uncle and that covers my parental needs. I am a little too indulgent though.

See, I knew I'd never change "if I met the right man".  Plus I figured if I did change then there are thousands of older kids, albeit with baggage, who would do just about anything to be adopted into a loving home.  I used to joke that I'd be fine with having kids if I didn't have to deal with them until they were around 9.  But it just never happened and I'm fine with that.  :)

Plus I can sleep past 9 on weekends if I want, cuss freely, and not worry about putting anyone through university.  We've got dogs and never once have they borrowed the car and wrecked it/returned it with the gas tank empty.  They've been neutered so ain't no one gettin' anybody pregnant.  We left them alone in the house when they were very young and no one called CPS on us (and if they'd been a problem we could have crated them, something you cannot do with kids).  They eat the same thing for every meal and never complain.  And when they get disciplined or told "no", they just comply instead of throwing a tantrum and screaming, "I HATE YOU!  YOU'RE THE WORST DOG OWNER IN THE WORLD!"

#19 x1yyz

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Posted 12 August 2014 - 10:39 AM

I also don't know how to relate to small kids.  (Maybe all of this contributes to not wanting kids?)  You can't talk with babies, obviously, but the older the kids get the easier it is to deal with them.  I can deal with them just fine once they turn about 30.

#20 Lorraine

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Posted 12 August 2014 - 10:59 AM

View Postx1yyz, on 11 August 2014 - 07:26 PM, said:

Have you chosen to not have children?  (This goes for men as well as women, since it takes two to tango.)  If so, how old were you when you made that choice?  Was it difficult?

I've known ever since I was a child that I never wanted kids.  I just never had the biological or emotional drive to do so.  I've heard friends talking about how much they wanted kids and I find it interesting just how foreign that concept is to me, like telling a fish you want to learn about driving a car.

Are there others here who feel the same way?

Yes.  I can't ever remember wanting any.





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