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Please, someone, I need help…


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#21 gangsterfurious

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:27 PM

View Postgeddysgal13, on 19 April 2014 - 04:00 PM, said:

I just looked up a crisis center hotline. The number is 1-800-273-8255. Give them a call. I'm sure they can help. It also helps just to have someone to listen.

Here hun, this is the number she posted.

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#22 geddysgal13

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:30 PM

No one puts u in a hospital or mental institution. But if u can't or won't call anyone, sit down and make a list of what is bothering u. It may help to have it on paper. Your cats and dog can go to a shelter where they can be put in a foster home until u get on your feet again. Take a deep breath and know u r loved.

#23 Rushchick10

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:31 PM

IR, I am sorry that you are going through this.  First off, do not blame yourself for your mother getting pulled over and subsequently arrested.  She's an adult and made the decision to drive a vehicle with an expired tag and no insurance on a suspended license.  I also witnessed my mother being arrested once, but I was younger (about 15-16 if I remember correctly).  She went on to commit even more crimes and did a stint in prison as well.  She was a prescription drug addict and a habitual liar.  None of those things were my fault, even though I was with her in the car when she was arrested the first time.  I went on to have a wonderful son and a nearly 10 year career in law enforcement.  Also, when I hit age 18 I was pretty much left on my own. Oh, my dad let me live in the house with him after he and my mother divorced, but I was responsible for everything else in my life.  School, gas money, car repairs, food...everything.  I managed.  You can't let this pull you down.  Find resources in your community to help you.  Even if it's just emergency shelter or help with food.  There are resources.  

And, call the hotline.  Maybe the person you get on the line will be able to help you find those resources.  However, I will say that, as a police officer, I have been sent to check on people who call suicide or crisis hotlines.  Hell, I've even taken many of those people into protective custody and placed them (with the assistance of medical professionals, of course) into psychiatric facilities for short periods of time (most stays in those situations are limited to 3-7 days).  Guess what...that's what those hotlines are there for!  If you are seriously thinking that you are a danger to yourself then please call.  As far as the animals, many humane societies offer temporary housing (through their shelter or fosters) for animals displaced in times of crisis.  

You've got this...make the call.  If it saves your life, what's a few days in hospital to pull yourself together in the grand scheme of things?  It might be the best thing you ever do for yourself.  That's the worst that can happen.  The best that can happen is that you get the help that you need to get through this tough situation.  There is no shame in asking for help.

#24 Rushchick10

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:35 PM

View Postgeddysgal13, on 19 April 2014 - 04:30 PM, said:

No one puts u in a hospital or mental institution. But if u can't or won't call anyone, sit down and make a list of what is bothering u. It may help to have it on paper. Your cats and dog can go to a shelter where they can be put in a foster home until u get on your feet again. Take a deep breath and know u r loved.

Actually, if it's deemed that she is a danger to herself then yes...there will be a protective custody order put in place.  Those are VERY temporary and rarely last beyond 3-7 days.  Of course, that varies from state to state, but that's the average.  Take it from someone that, as a police officer for 5 years, put well over 100 people into protective custody.  And, I was a cop in a relatively small town.  I have had MANY of those people get in touch with me and thank me for taking action.  Many consider it the best thing they ever had happen to them.  It's not a bad thing if she really needs help.

IR, if you don't want to talk to a hotline, message me and I will give you my phone number.   I'm not a psychiatric professional, but I know the criteria that has to be met in most instances for people to be placed in protective custody.  I will help you.

#25 Moonlit Dreamer

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:37 PM

What if things don’t work out though? What if I end up on the streets? I earn a total of $350 per month. Where’s that going to get me?! I’m trying to calm down, but I’m finding it difficult. I was in the living room standing in front of my Dad’s urn earlier, saying, “Dad, why did you drink yourself to death?! Why did you have to leave me?!” I mean, what if she’s in jail for months? I have never felt this horrible in my entire life. It’s ironic how when faced with a new tragedy, some other memories of the past do not seem as bad as they did then. My parents having violent fights and screaming at me about how useless I was? At least they were still here to yell. I can’t handle this constant loneliness. When is it ever going to get better for me? I mean really… this life is just ridiculous now. I’m listening to Red Sector A right now, and wow, the lyrics have a new meaning to me now…

#26 Rushchick10

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:41 PM

View PostIntermolecular Reality, on 19 April 2014 - 04:37 PM, said:

What if things don’t work out though? What if I end up on the streets? I earn a total of $350 per month. Where’s that going to get me?! I’m trying to calm down, but I’m finding it difficult. I was in the living room standing in front of my Dad’s urn earlier, saying, “Dad, why did you drink yourself to death?! Why did you have to leave me?!” I mean, what if she’s in jail for months? I have never felt this horrible in my entire life. It’s ironic how when faced with a new tragedy, some other memories of the past do not seem as bad as they did then. My parents having violent fights and screaming at me about how useless I was? At least they were still here to yell. I can’t handle this constant loneliness. When is it ever going to get better for me? I mean really… this life is just ridiculous now. I’m listening to Red Sector A right now, and wow, the lyrics have a new meaning to me now…

Not to sound harsh, but nothing will work out if you don't take some sort of action.  I know I am a stranger, but I've dedicated my life to serving people...and most of those people have been complete strangers to me.  My intentions are good.  I was a highly decorated police officer and had more letters of appreciation in my personnel file than pretty much any other cop in my department.

#27 gangsterfurious

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:42 PM

View PostIntermolecular Reality, on 19 April 2014 - 04:37 PM, said:

What if things don’t work out though? What if I end up on the streets? I earn a total of $350 per month. Where’s that going to get me?! I’m trying to calm down, but I’m finding it difficult. I was in the living room standing in front of my Dad’s urn earlier, saying, “Dad, why did you drink yourself to death?! Why did you have to leave me?!” I mean, what if she’s in jail for months? I have never felt this horrible in my entire life. It’s ironic how when faced with a new tragedy, some other memories of the past do not seem as bad as they did then. My parents having violent fights and screaming at me about how useless I was? At least they were still here to yell. I can’t handle this constant loneliness. When is it ever going to get better for me? I mean really… this life is just ridiculous now. I’m listening to Red Sector A right now, and wow, the lyrics have a new meaning to me now…

Your parent's used to scream at you about being useless? Maybe this is your time to make a clean break.

#28 Lorraine

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:47 PM

Look, IR, I didn't want to sound harsh either, but it really is time, at the age of 22, to take charge of your own life.

And please stop with the "what ifs" - they don't help a bit.  

If you choose to do so, you can put your life in the direction you want it to go in.

#29 x1yyz

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:48 PM

I just saw this thread but others have given wonderful advice.  

I know it is difficult but the best thing you can do is to stay calm, think clearly, and don't do anything rash.  Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed take a few seconds and do some deep breathing.  Close your eyes, inhale slowly and deeply, and exhale slowly.  Repeat a few times.  This has a physical effect on the body and will help to calm you down.

This is a tough situation but by no means is your life ruined!  You are young and just getting started in life and have plenty of time to make things good.  I understand being worried about your pets (mine are always on my mind in a crisis.)  If you have no one that can house them when you move then check with local vets to see if there is a crisis-type place that will take them, or bring them in to the SPCA.  They will be in better hands than if you just leave them in your house.

Hugs and good thoughts to you.  You will come out of this.

#30 Lorraine

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:48 PM

You can't undo your past.

What's done is done.  Going back over it continually doesn't change one damn thing about it.  It is over and done with.

#31 Narps

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:49 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 19 April 2014 - 04:42 PM, said:

View PostIntermolecular Reality, on 19 April 2014 - 04:37 PM, said:

What if things don’t work out though? What if I end up on the streets? I earn a total of $350 per month. Where’s that going to get me?! I’m trying to calm down, but I’m finding it difficult. I was in the living room standing in front of my Dad’s urn earlier, saying, “Dad, why did you drink yourself to death?! Why did you have to leave me?!” I mean, what if she’s in jail for months? I have never felt this horrible in my entire life. It’s ironic how when faced with a new tragedy, some other memories of the past do not seem as bad as they did then. My parents having violent fights and screaming at me about how useless I was? At least they were still here to yell. I can’t handle this constant loneliness. When is it ever going to get better for me? I mean really… this life is just ridiculous now. I’m listening to Red Sector A right now, and wow, the lyrics have a new meaning to me now…

Your parent's used to scream at you about being useless? Maybe this is your time to make a clean break.
Agreed. This may sound kind of silly but I remember hearing something once about God closing a door but opening a window. This could be one of those times where everything changes because it must and eventually your life will improve because of it...... :rose:

Edited by Narpski, 19 April 2014 - 05:07 PM.


#32 Lorraine

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:49 PM

You can't bring your Dad back to life.

You can't change your Mom.

But you can and must help yourself.

#33 gangsterfurious

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:51 PM

I spent the first 16 years of my life emotionally co-dependent on my mother. It was DAMAGING. I'm just now realizing how terrible it was and I'm 31 now. If she treats you this way and doesn't make good decisions it is time for you to find a way to break free even though it's one of the most horrifying things you'll ever do.

#34 geddysgal13

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:55 PM

Only you can change/help yourself. It may be the most difficult thing you do in your life but sometimes you just have to do it. Hang in there.

#35 gangsterfurious

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 04:59 PM

I am done at work so I have to take off, please let Rushchick help you or call the number okay?
*hugs*

#36 Rushchick10

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 05:01 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 19 April 2014 - 04:51 PM, said:

I spent the first 16 years of my life emotionally co-dependent on my mother. It was DAMAGING. I'm just now realizing how terrible it was and I'm 31 now. If she treats you this way and doesn't make good decisions it is time for you to find a way to break free even though it's one of the most horrifying things you'll ever do.

Gangster and I don't always agree on everything (well, actually I've only found one thing we disagree on, but I still am quite fond of her :D ), but she is absolutely right on this subject.  I, too, was very co-dependent on my mother up until I FINALLY defied her and accepted a bus ticket from my boyfriend at the time to visit him in Miami where he was attending college.  I lived there with him for a little over a month.  I only came back because I had pets and property still in Idaho.  That month was the VERY best thing I EVER did for myself.  I proved that I could make it outside of her, and that there are plenty of people in this world who care about me and will help.  I came back...and, within two hours of me getting home I emerged from the shower (3 days on a Greyhound is bad for hygiene) to find my mother crazed and going after my father with sharp objects from the kitchen.  I intervened and got 10 stitches in my hand for my trouble when I tried to wrestle a knife from her hands.  

I survived.  I eventually broke up with that boyfriend, but the lessons I learned during that month still resonate to this day, 17+ years later.  It's possible.  Take it from someone who proved it so.

#37 Chicken hawk

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 05:11 PM

Go somewhere where you wont be alone...even to a movie till you figure out what to do.
Animal shelters will take your animals if absolutely necessary. I know thats hard to do tho.
People will help if you open your arms.   We all  love you here !

#38 Lorraine

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 05:36 PM

IR, I am sorry that I cannot be of more help to you.  You need to find inner strength.  I can't give that to you.  If I could, I would.  I hate to see anyone suffer.

#39 Principled Man

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 05:41 PM

View PostLorraine, on 19 April 2014 - 04:47 PM, said:

Look, IR, I didn't want to sound harsh either, but it really is time, at the age of 22, to take charge of your own life.

And please stop with the "what ifs" - they don't help a bit.  

If you choose to do so, you can put your life in the direction you want it to go in.

Agree 100%.  It's time to move on, make a life plan, and start today.  Fear is the only thing holding anyone from starting a new life.  

Courage, determination, SUCCESS.  :)

#40 Blue J

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 06:55 PM

I just now saw this thread, too, and I'm so sorry...but I have to take issue with one of the first things you said- that it was your fault that your mother was arrested. No, it wasn't. If she had outstanding charges like that and was choosing to go out and drive a car anywhere, on the interstate or not, it was only a matter of time. Don't defeat yourself about it. Take a few more hours, take a step back and think about the things that you can control. If her jail time is going to run longer than the time you have with the house, then you may have quite a bit of work to do. I don't know what other advice I can offer except that it is hard, yes...but not the end of the world.

You do have friends here, you know...for what it's worth.

:hug2:  :hug2:




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