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Overthinking How Sex Works? You're Not Alone

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#41 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:52 PM

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM, said:

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....

No, to me the point of being married was to have a partner that at least tries to fulfill you sexually, otherwise you're just living with a friend; and porn will jack your brain up. But eh, sex isn't as important to me as it once was since starting Zolft, my anxiety levels are way down but I may never orgasm again.

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#42 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:02 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 01:52 PM, said:

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM, said:

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....

No, to me the point of being married was to have a partner that at least tries to fulfill you sexually, otherwise you're just living with a friend; and porn will jack your brain up. But eh, sex isn't as important to me as it once was since starting Zolft, my anxiety levels are way down but I may never orgasm again.
:(

#43 x1yyz

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:03 PM

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM, said:

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....

The amount of sex doesn't matter so long as everyone involved in the relationship is okay with that.  If one person wants it and another doesn't then there is a problem.  The question is, what do you want to do about the problem?

Cheating is never good because there is lying involved.  But will the partner let you go out and satisfy needs elsewhere?  Would you want to?

Personally I just think it's wrong for a partner to say "I'm not going to have sex with you, and neither can anyone else."  That's just not fair.

Is this a situation in which counseling would be beneficial?

I'm just thinking out loud here.

#44 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:08 PM

View Postx1yyz, on 07 March 2014 - 02:03 PM, said:

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM, said:

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....

The amount of sex doesn't matter so long as everyone involved in the relationship is okay with that.  If one person wants it and another doesn't then there is a problem.  The question is, what do you want to do about the problem?

Cheating is never good because there is lying involved.  But will the partner let you go out and satisfy needs elsewhere?  Would you want to?

Personally I just think it's wrong for a partner to say "I'm not going to have sex with you, and neither can anyone else."  That's just not fair.

Is this a situation in which counseling would be beneficial?

I'm just thinking out loud here.
Its amazing that if you hang in there long enough eventually you just don't give a sh*t anymore....

#45 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:09 PM

View Postx1yyz, on 07 March 2014 - 02:03 PM, said:

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM, said:

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....

The amount of sex doesn't matter so long as everyone involved in the relationship is okay with that.  If one person wants it and another doesn't then there is a problem.  The question is, what do you want to do about the problem?

Cheating is never good because there is lying involved.  But will the partner let you go out and satisfy needs elsewhere?  Would you want to?

Personally I just think it's wrong for a partner to say "I'm not going to have sex with you, and neither can anyone else."  That's just not fair.

Is this a situation in which counseling would be beneficial?

I'm just thinking out loud here.

Yeah it's wrong to say that you're not going to touch your partner but that they can be denied sexual contact. I don't know, it's tricky.

#46 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:11 PM

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 02:08 PM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 07 March 2014 - 02:03 PM, said:

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM, said:

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....

The amount of sex doesn't matter so long as everyone involved in the relationship is okay with that.  If one person wants it and another doesn't then there is a problem.  The question is, what do you want to do about the problem?

Cheating is never good because there is lying involved.  But will the partner let you go out and satisfy needs elsewhere?  Would you want to?

Personally I just think it's wrong for a partner to say "I'm not going to have sex with you, and neither can anyone else."  That's just not fair.

Is this a situation in which counseling would be beneficial?

I'm just thinking out loud here.
Its amazing that if you hang in there long enough eventually you just don't give a sh*t anymore....

Do we not give a shit or do we just shove it down and the sadness and frustration comes out different ways?

#47 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:13 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 02:09 PM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 07 March 2014 - 02:03 PM, said:

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM, said:

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....

The amount of sex doesn't matter so long as everyone involved in the relationship is okay with that.  If one person wants it and another doesn't then there is a problem.  The question is, what do you want to do about the problem?

Cheating is never good because there is lying involved.  But will the partner let you go out and satisfy needs elsewhere?  Would you want to?

Personally I just think it's wrong for a partner to say "I'm not going to have sex with you, and neither can anyone else."  That's just not fair.

Is this a situation in which counseling would be beneficial?

I'm just thinking out loud here.

Yeah it's wrong to say that you're not going to touch your partner but that they can be denied sexual contact. I don't know, it's tricky.
Very. You pick your poison. Can you be happy without physical contact when all else is good? :huh:

#48 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:13 PM

I mean honestly sexual rejection/dissatisfaction from somebody you love can be one of the most painful things.

#49 KennyLee

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:14 PM

View Posthcm, on 07 March 2014 - 01:40 PM, said:

Must be spring fever, Geddy has been on my mind uhm alot lately as well....

As to the article they have kids so obviously it has worked in the past and honestly you can't tell by what is written what is going on, could be a physical problem with him, could be she is unattractive now, could be they are bored with each other, could be that he is getting it on with someone else and has nothing left for her.

I actually hadn't thought of this but... yeah. Maybe when he married her she was in good shape and now weighs 300 lbs. with a butch haircut and just let herself go?

Not saying it is all about looks. I have been married for 22 years and we are NOT the same people we were when we were in our 20's but you have to care a little bit about your appearance if you want your partner to stay attracted to you physically. He could still love her deeply but just not want to have sex with her anymore because... she's gross?  (Purely speculating, she could have a swimmer's body and be gorgeous!).

Am I out of line or making sense?

#50 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:15 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 02:11 PM, said:

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 02:08 PM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 07 March 2014 - 02:03 PM, said:

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM, said:

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....

The amount of sex doesn't matter so long as everyone involved in the relationship is okay with that.  If one person wants it and another doesn't then there is a problem.  The question is, what do you want to do about the problem?

Cheating is never good because there is lying involved.  But will the partner let you go out and satisfy needs elsewhere?  Would you want to?

Personally I just think it's wrong for a partner to say "I'm not going to have sex with you, and neither can anyone else."  That's just not fair.

Is this a situation in which counseling would be beneficial?

I'm just thinking out loud here.
Its amazing that if you hang in there long enough eventually you just don't give a sh*t anymore....

Do we not give a shit or do we just shove it down and the sadness and frustration comes out different ways?
The latter most likely to be honest.....

#51 bathory

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:16 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:40 AM, said:

View Postbathory, on 07 March 2014 - 10:09 AM, said:

normally don't venture into these parts but I clicked on this... what a passive aggressive and bitchy thing to do, by posting an article online about the shit instead of talking about it with your husband/therapist/whatever. hope she's not using her real name. and the husband should just get some viagra or something, it's not that big of a deal, right?

Uhm, I'm just going to go out on a limb here and guess you've never been married.

twice actually

#52 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:16 PM

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 02:13 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 02:09 PM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 07 March 2014 - 02:03 PM, said:

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM, said:

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....

The amount of sex doesn't matter so long as everyone involved in the relationship is okay with that.  If one person wants it and another doesn't then there is a problem.  The question is, what do you want to do about the problem?

Cheating is never good because there is lying involved.  But will the partner let you go out and satisfy needs elsewhere?  Would you want to?

Personally I just think it's wrong for a partner to say "I'm not going to have sex with you, and neither can anyone else."  That's just not fair.

Is this a situation in which counseling would be beneficial?

I'm just thinking out loud here.

Yeah it's wrong to say that you're not going to touch your partner but that they can be denied sexual contact. I don't know, it's tricky.
Very. You pick your poison. Can you be happy without physical contact when all else is good? :huh:

No, I was a mostly good girl until I got married, my husband was the first person I actually slept with and now... I'm really sad, disappointed. My self-esteem has taken a huge hit. When he wants sex it's on his terms. Sometimes it's like I don't exist or have desires, if I get lucky he'll concentrate on me maybe twice a year.

#53 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:17 PM

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 02:14 PM, said:

View Posthcm, on 07 March 2014 - 01:40 PM, said:

Must be spring fever, Geddy has been on my mind uhm alot lately as well....

As to the article they have kids so obviously it has worked in the past and honestly you can't tell by what is written what is going on, could be a physical problem with him, could be she is unattractive now, could be they are bored with each other, could be that he is getting it on with someone else and has nothing left for her.

I actually hadn't thought of this but... yeah. Maybe when he married her she was in good shape and now weighs 300 lbs. with a butch haircut and just let herself go?

Not saying it is all about looks. I have been married for 22 years and we are NOT the same people we were when we were in our 20's but you have to care a little bit about your appearance if you want your partner to stay attracted to you physically. He could still love her deeply but just not want to have sex with her anymore because... she's gross?  (Purely speculating, she could have a swimmer's body and be gorgeous!).

Am I out of line or making sense?
Out of line... :sarcastic: :D

#54 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:18 PM

View Postbathory, on 07 March 2014 - 02:16 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:40 AM, said:

View Postbathory, on 07 March 2014 - 10:09 AM, said:

normally don't venture into these parts but I clicked on this... what a passive aggressive and bitchy thing to do, by posting an article online about the shit instead of talking about it with your husband/therapist/whatever. hope she's not using her real name. and the husband should just get some viagra or something, it's not that big of a deal, right?

Uhm, I'm just going to go out on a limb here and guess you've never been married.

twice actually

Yeah I just realized I had you confused with another much younger poster. Remember, third times a charm, keep trying. ;)

#55 x1yyz

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:19 PM

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 02:08 PM, said:

Its amazing that if you hang in there long enough eventually you just don't give a sh*t anymore....

:( :hug2:

#56 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:21 PM

I think I am going to bow out of this subject for now. This one hits way close to home and I don't have the funds to pay you guys by the hour.... :hi: Enjoy :)

#57 bathory

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:21 PM

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 12:42 PM, said:

View PostRushchick10, on 07 March 2014 - 12:37 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:50 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:43 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:39 AM, said:

Hey you guys found my article...

Aw. Where's your adorable profile pic?

Dude, my new profile pic is a drawing of a man that can't be anything other than adorable.

I mean before you changed it.  :eyeroll:

I know what you meant, but I'd rather look at Geddy than myself, he gives me strange boners.

I'm glad that women can hide their arousal easier than men.  Otherwise, I'd we walking around with strange boners all the time because of Geddy.  :drool:

Try being 15 in high school having to hide one the better part of the day.   :facepalm:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 01:41 PM, said:

Also, I just want to say that before judging the author for "putting it all out there on the Internet", that is just the society we live in today. A lot of people would rather do this and get the opinion of multiple people, and maybe find those kindred spirits that have gone through the same thing and can offer advice. The author says she has two kids to raise. It was hard enough for me as a mother of one 12-pound fur baby to go out and shop for a therapist for my husband and I. Not to mention he and I have to try and make our schedules line up to go see the doctor together, etc... Sometimes it's helpful to just put yourself out there and get different viewpoints.

at least use a fake name though, come on. I mean, I'm hoping she did, but if she didn't she's just kinda being a bitch, plain and simple. she can sign up on here as geddyinmycooter69 and get some help and advice WITHOUT embarassing her husband on yahoo for being too drunk to f**k or whatever.

#58 bathory

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:23 PM

also, sounds to me like he's drinking too much. that kills your pecker too

#59 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:30 PM

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 02:14 PM, said:

View Posthcm, on 07 March 2014 - 01:40 PM, said:

Must be spring fever, Geddy has been on my mind uhm alot lately as well....

As to the article they have kids so obviously it has worked in the past and honestly you can't tell by what is written what is going on, could be a physical problem with him, could be she is unattractive now, could be they are bored with each other, could be that he is getting it on with someone else and has nothing left for her.

I actually hadn't thought of this but... yeah. Maybe when he married her she was in good shape and now weighs 300 lbs. with a butch haircut and just let herself go?

Not saying it is all about looks. I have been married for 22 years and we are NOT the same people we were when we were in our 20's but you have to care a little bit about your appearance if you want your partner to stay attracted to you physically. He could still love her deeply but just not want to have sex with her anymore because... she's gross?  (Purely speculating, she could have a swimmer's body and be gorgeous!).

Am I out of line or making sense?

Oh man 300 pounds with a butch haircut describes one of the guests I had to deal with this morning. Yikes.

She's had kids, some guys get freaked out by that. I think they're losers, but still, it doesn't stop that from happening. Maybe he is bored, maybe she wants him on top all of the time and he's tired.

I have a very close friend, he had five kids before he was 30 and I remember him mourning the loss of her hair when she decided to cut it really short. I wonder if sometimes women get too caught up in being mothers and forget they were wives first.

#60 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 02:34 PM

View Postbathory, on 07 March 2014 - 02:21 PM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 12:42 PM, said:

View PostRushchick10, on 07 March 2014 - 12:37 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:50 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:43 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:39 AM, said:

Hey you guys found my article...

Aw. Where's your adorable profile pic?

Dude, my new profile pic is a drawing of a man that can't be anything other than adorable.

I mean before you changed it.  :eyeroll:

I know what you meant, but I'd rather look at Geddy than myself, he gives me strange boners.

I'm glad that women can hide their arousal easier than men.  Otherwise, I'd we walking around with strange boners all the time because of Geddy.  :drool:

Try being 15 in high school having to hide one the better part of the day.   :facepalm:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 01:41 PM, said:

Also, I just want to say that before judging the author for "putting it all out there on the Internet", that is just the society we live in today. A lot of people would rather do this and get the opinion of multiple people, and maybe find those kindred spirits that have gone through the same thing and can offer advice. The author says she has two kids to raise. It was hard enough for me as a mother of one 12-pound fur baby to go out and shop for a therapist for my husband and I. Not to mention he and I have to try and make our schedules line up to go see the doctor together, etc... Sometimes it's helpful to just put yourself out there and get different viewpoints.

at least use a fake name though, come on. I mean, I'm hoping she did, but if she didn't she's just kinda being a bitch, plain and simple. she can sign up on here as geddyinmycooter69 and get some help and advice WITHOUT embarassing her husband on yahoo for being too drunk to f**k or whatever.

Well... then, now I'm seriously thinking about changing my username.





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