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Overthinking How Sex Works? You're Not Alone

advice column for women marriage sex TMI

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#21 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:30 PM

View PostRushAreAwesome, on 07 March 2014 - 12:00 AM, said:

"He gets uncomortable, like a 14-year-old virgin, when I ask him if he wants to have sex." - I might be wrong but I don't think most people that age do that sort of thing.

You'd be surprised.

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#22 Rushchick10

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:37 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:50 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:43 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:39 AM, said:

Hey you guys found my article...

Aw. Where's your adorable profile pic?

Dude, my new profile pic is a drawing of a man that can't be anything other than adorable.

I mean before you changed it.  :eyeroll:

I know what you meant, but I'd rather look at Geddy than myself, he gives me strange boners.

I'm glad that women can hide their arousal easier than men.  Otherwise, I'd we walking around with strange boners all the time because of Geddy.  :drool:

#23 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:38 PM

View PostRushchick10, on 07 March 2014 - 12:37 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:50 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:43 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:39 AM, said:

Hey you guys found my article...

Aw. Where's your adorable profile pic?

Dude, my new profile pic is a drawing of a man that can't be anything other than adorable.

I mean before you changed it.  :eyeroll:

I know what you meant, but I'd rather look at Geddy than myself, he gives me strange boners.

I'm glad that women can hide their arousal easier than men.  Otherwise, I'd we walking around with strange boners all the time because of Geddy.  :drool:

I'd be pitching a permanent tent especially after the dream I had about him last night.

#24 Rushchick10

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:39 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 12:38 PM, said:

View PostRushchick10, on 07 March 2014 - 12:37 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:50 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:43 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:39 AM, said:

Hey you guys found my article...

Aw. Where's your adorable profile pic?

Dude, my new profile pic is a drawing of a man that can't be anything other than adorable.

I mean before you changed it.  :eyeroll:

I know what you meant, but I'd rather look at Geddy than myself, he gives me strange boners.

I'm glad that women can hide their arousal easier than men.  Otherwise, I'd we walking around with strange boners all the time because of Geddy.  :drool:

I'd be pitching a permanent tent especially after the dream I had about him last night.

Apparently he was a very busy boy last night.  He paid me a visit as well ;)

#25 KennyLee

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:42 PM

View PostRushchick10, on 07 March 2014 - 12:37 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:50 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:43 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:39 AM, said:

Hey you guys found my article...

Aw. Where's your adorable profile pic?

Dude, my new profile pic is a drawing of a man that can't be anything other than adorable.

I mean before you changed it.  :eyeroll:

I know what you meant, but I'd rather look at Geddy than myself, he gives me strange boners.

I'm glad that women can hide their arousal easier than men.  Otherwise, I'd we walking around with strange boners all the time because of Geddy.  :drool:

Try being 15 in high school having to hide one the better part of the day.   :facepalm:

#26 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:43 PM

View PostRushchick10, on 07 March 2014 - 12:39 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 12:38 PM, said:

View PostRushchick10, on 07 March 2014 - 12:37 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:50 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:43 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View PostKennyLee, on 07 March 2014 - 11:41 AM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 11:39 AM, said:

Hey you guys found my article...

Aw. Where's your adorable profile pic?

Dude, my new profile pic is a drawing of a man that can't be anything other than adorable.

I mean before you changed it.  :eyeroll:

I know what you meant, but I'd rather look at Geddy than myself, he gives me strange boners.

I'm glad that women can hide their arousal easier than men.  Otherwise, I'd we walking around with strange boners all the time because of Geddy.  :drool:

I'd be pitching a permanent tent especially after the dream I had about him last night.

Apparently he was a very busy boy last night.  He paid me a visit as well ;)

He was really busy! Even some of the guys on my Facebook page are making posts about being in concerts and getting free granola crunch cereal during intermission... or something like that lol.

#27 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:53 PM

Last night in my dream we didn't even do anything, he just held me, we were dressed and in public. But I could smell him in my dream because I had nuzzled my nose in his neck, tasty tasty.

Edited by gangsterfurious, 07 March 2014 - 12:53 PM.


#28 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:54 PM

OK so... back on topic.

I would think that if a man denies his wife sex and has all of these problems that he just isn't that into her, what do you guys think?

#29 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 12:57 PM

It all depends. Is he horny as hell otherwise? Is he wacking it every chance he gets to porn but still doesn't want sex with his wife? There are many variables to this. Black and white it isn't......

#30 GeddysMullet

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:00 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 12:54 PM, said:

OK so... back on topic.

I would think that if a man denies his wife sex and has all of these problems that he just isn't that into her, what do you guys think?

Some guys just aren't really into sex.  A lot of people don't believe that, but it's true.

#31 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:01 PM

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 12:57 PM, said:

It all depends. Is he horny as hell otherwise? Is he wacking it every chance he gets to porn but still doesn't want sex with his wife? There are many variables to this. Black and white it isn't......

Porn could definitely be a factor.

#32 x1yyz

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:01 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 12:54 PM, said:

OK so... back on topic.

I would think that if a man denies his wife sex and has all of these problems that he just isn't that into her, what do you guys think?

I think that yes, that is one very real possibility.  It could also be that he has some other issues (childhood trauma, history of sexual abuse, etc.) that could be resulting in intimacy problems.  Whatever the case, posting about personal problems like that is NOT the way to make things better.  They really need to talk, both with each other and with a marriage counselor.

My husband and I have been together about a dozen years.  After about 5-6 years we decided to see a marriage counselor.  Nothing was "wrong" between us, but rather, but didn't want there to be anything wrong.  So for a year or two we met weekly with a therapist and we both realized that we each had little things that was bugging us about the other.  Counseling helped us get that stuff out into the open and deal with it before it became an issue.  I highly recommend it.

#33 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:03 PM

View Postx1yyz, on 07 March 2014 - 01:01 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 12:54 PM, said:

OK so... back on topic.

I would think that if a man denies his wife sex and has all of these problems that he just isn't that into her, what do you guys think?

I think that yes, that is one very real possibility.  It could also be that he has some other issues (childhood trauma, history of sexual abuse, etc.) that could be resulting in intimacy problems.  Whatever the case, posting about personal problems like that is NOT the way to make things better.  They really need to talk, both with each other and with a marriage counselor.

My husband and I have been together about a dozen years.  After about 5-6 years we decided to see a marriage counselor.  Nothing was "wrong" between us, but rather, but didn't want there to be anything wrong.  So for a year or two we met weekly with a therapist and we both realized that we each had little things that was bugging us about the other.  Counseling helped us get that stuff out into the open and deal with it before it became an issue.  I highly recommend it.
Damn you guys sound healthy.... :cheers:

#34 x1yyz

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:10 PM

View PostNarpzilla, on 07 March 2014 - 01:03 PM, said:

View Postx1yyz, on 07 March 2014 - 01:01 PM, said:

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 12:54 PM, said:

OK so... back on topic.

I would think that if a man denies his wife sex and has all of these problems that he just isn't that into her, what do you guys think?

I think that yes, that is one very real possibility.  It could also be that he has some other issues (childhood trauma, history of sexual abuse, etc.) that could be resulting in intimacy problems.  Whatever the case, posting about personal problems like that is NOT the way to make things better.  They really need to talk, both with each other and with a marriage counselor.

My husband and I have been together about a dozen years.  After about 5-6 years we decided to see a marriage counselor.  Nothing was "wrong" between us, but rather, but didn't want there to be anything wrong.  So for a year or two we met weekly with a therapist and we both realized that we each had little things that was bugging us about the other.  Counseling helped us get that stuff out into the open and deal with it before it became an issue.  I highly recommend it.
Damn you guys sound healthy.... :cheers:

Our relationship is certainly stronger now than it was back then, but that's probably also due to more water under the bridge :)  Counseling has helped us in the way we deal with things, and that's really important.  Now if we're mad at one another we recognize it and sit down and talk (not argue!), whereas back then there would have been grumpiness and holding grudges and stuff.

#35 umoveme

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:17 PM

:( UGH, The whole "he's just not that into you" phrase follows me wherever I go.


That could be it, but there could be countless other reasons why porn feels more "safe."

#36 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:28 PM

View Postumoveme, on 07 March 2014 - 01:17 PM, said:

:( UGH, The whole "he's just not that into you" phrase follows me wherever I go.


That could be it, but there could be countless other reasons why porn feels more "safe."

Eh I've had so many guys that "just aren't into me" so it's always a factor. My husband has a co-worker that was complaining about being married for 20 years, he says it's like driving the same old car to work everyday but you really want a new BMW.

#37 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:35 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 07 March 2014 - 01:28 PM, said:

View Postumoveme, on 07 March 2014 - 01:17 PM, said:

:( UGH, The whole "he's just not that into you" phrase follows me wherever I go.


That could be it, but there could be countless other reasons why porn feels more "safe."

Eh I've had so many guys that "just aren't into me" so it's always a factor. My husband has a co-worker that was complaining about being married for 20 years, he says it's like driving the same old car to work everyday but you really want a new BMW.
I just always wanted a car that runs......

#38 hcm

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:40 PM

Must be spring fever, Geddy has been on my mind uhm alot lately as well....

As to the article they have kids so obviously it has worked in the past and honestly you can't tell by what is written what is going on, could be a physical problem with him, could be she is unattractive now, could be they are bored with each other, could be that he is getting it on with someone else and has nothing left for her.

#39 gangsterfurious

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:41 PM

Also, I just want to say that before judging the author for "putting it all out there on the Internet", that is just the society we live in today. A lot of people would rather do this and get the opinion of multiple people, and maybe find those kindred spirits that have gone through the same thing and can offer advice. The author says she has two kids to raise. It was hard enough for me as a mother of one 12-pound fur baby to go out and shop for a therapist for my husband and I. Not to mention he and I have to try and make our schedules line up to go see the doctor together, etc... Sometimes it's helpful to just put yourself out there and get different viewpoints.

#40 Narps

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 01:46 PM

And sometimes it might be better to just suffer in silence because the rest of you life is good to go. Is it possible to be truly happy when you really want sex with your partner and they really don't but all other aspects of your relationship are good? I would say you better have a damn good imagination and some porn to your liking....





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