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I'm so done. I've had it.


hobo73
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I'm sorry to vent, I'm sorry to post another topic. Sorry for it.

 

My face is so bloated from crying all morning I don't know who else to go to. My family's a bunch of A**HOLES so they're out.

 

My husband flew off the handle this morning. It all started when he informed me Lucy was "no longer welcome to spend the night at my sisters' house".

.....over the weekend she slept over with her auntie and cousins. She wasn't mean or hitting, they said, but she kept grabbing stuff and "only slept for an hour the entire night". Grabbing stuff?....typical toddler behavior....right?

Slept for an hour? I know it's because she was excited and riled up. She LOVES her cousins and never gets to have outings like that. She sleeps fine at home, I know that's why she didn't sleep.

 

I simply said that wasn't fair- no lie, I babysat all 3 of that woman's kids for 4 years. Usually overnights, making them dinner, washing all their clothes, getting up early to get them to the school bus on time, picking them up after school, EVERYTHING. Usually up to 5 nights a week. Never any pay, but hey. Family, right? At the time she worked 2 jobs and had a crackhead loser husband who was never home.

Her son, in that time, broke many things of mine, hit me, one time kicked me right in the sternum, slammed doors in my face, ran from me, cursed me out (at 6 years old. lovely right? -__-), spit at me, all that. And I still babysat for her.

Lucy doesn't sleep well ONCE and she's "no longer welcome"? huh???

 

Jeff FREAKED. OUT.

I was told I was the only person who had that opinion, and my opinion was "f***ing WRONG."

I still stayed calm and said "Well, it's my opinion and I don't think I'm wrong. I think that's bullshit." (Lucy was still in the bedroom when I said it.)

I then got to hear of all the family members that agreed with his sister, and was told it's a shame I'm so childish I don't have common sense.

 

dude....she's THREE. she wasn't bad at all. I never banned my nephew from my home even when he was satan's f***ing spawn.

 

Next thing I know I have his finger jabbing at my face (pointing, not actually jabbing me)- every time I turned away, he followed and jabbed at my face some more. I was called a bitch, stupid, idiot, child, f***ing moron.

 

Then he said I needed to "get into parenting classes". HUH?!

He said since he works all the time, and I stay with Lucy, it's clearly my fault she's "such a brat." I was then told I was a horrible mother.

He said I need to learn how to be a "good mother". My heart's so shattered I don't even know what to think.

 

He yanked my ipod from the charger and taunted me before flinging it back at me (I did catch it. He said since it was a gift from him, he had every right to snag it if "I deserved to have it taken away").

He said I didn't deserve a kiss from him before he left for work and I should just stay in the room til he was gone. I did. I sobbed my eyes out.

 

I know what you're all gonna say. I know. I've been looking for a job for so long. The hunt continues. I'd be homeless and wouldn't get to see my daughter if I left now.

I've never been so heartbroken before. I can't stop crying.

My daughter is well fed, she NEVER runs out of clean clothes, she's insanely smart, overall a gentle, caring, very loving and happy child. I take care of my baby because, I thought, we were a team. He works, I take care of her.

She just acts like a toddler sometimes. Again, she's THREE.

 

She saw me crying and asked if "mommy needs me to call an ambulance. Are you hurt? Don't cry, I'll get you a band-aid, mama."

 

what the f***.

 

I'm so done. I clearly fail at marriage, I'm a piece of dirt. I KNOW I'm not a bad mother. I can't believe my own husband would tell me that.

I just want to crawl into a hole and just stay there.

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I'm glad you have this forum to vent on, because it seems like everyone around you at the moment really sucks (except your dad, who seems pretty awesome). Really, you seem like a very nice person and you obviously care about your daughter more than anything, and I'd say based on those things you deserve not to be in tears every other day. Don't know what else to say except that I hope it ultimately works out for you, whatever you decide to do.
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I'm glad you have this forum to vent on, because it seems like everyone around you at the moment really sucks (except your dad, who seems pretty awesome). Really, you seem like a very nice person and you obviously care about your daughter more than anything, and I'd say based on those things you deserve not to be in tears every other day. Don't know what else to say except that I hope it ultimately works out for you, whatever you decide to do.

 

Thanks :)

haha yeah my dad and stepmom are awesome ;) lol

I'm just worn out mentally. It takes a lot for me to cry these days but this is all too much. In the span of just a few days too! I was so happy with everything last week. We haven't had an argument in so long. At least nothing big and dramatic.

*hugs* thank you.

The nice people are easy targets, I guess.

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Hey babes, I know that you know a little of what I go through since we are Facebook buds. Do you think you're kind of like me and you keep holding out for things to get better even though they never do and you don't have any other options at the moment? I see you still making plans with him and talking about having another baby, is that really what you want, or are you just hoping for some normalcy even though it never really comes?

 

You do realize that when he speaks to you that way he's not only verbally, but emotionally abusing you as well? Nobody should ever speak to their other half like that.

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Hey babes, I know that you know a little of what I go through since we are Facebook buds. Do you think you're kind of like me and you keep holding out for things to get better even though they never do and you don't have any other options at the moment? I see you still making plans with him and talking about having another baby, is that really what you want, or are you just hoping for some normalcy even though it never really comes?

 

You do realize that when he speaks to you that way he's not only verbally, but emotionally abusing you as well? Nobody should ever speak to their other half like that.

 

Yes I'm aware of it.....as of this morning, I'm really really against another baby with him. I can't do this anymore. It's been a looooong time since he's offended me. No matter what I can usually brush it off. But telling me I'm a bad mom is like a knife to the heart every time. I've heard it from most of my family out of spite- and he was with me telling me they were such jerks for saying it, than I'm a wonderful mom, etc.

 

I have nowhere to go. nobody is hiring.

I think part of me thinks it's ok because every relationship has ups and downs, every couple fights. I've been in a brutally abusive relationship before and maybe I don't see anything wrong with it cause I'm not bloodied by him. But every now and then I just feel drained and worthless.

I DO want another baby. Eventually. With whom, I don't know anymore.

 

we are alike *hugs* And I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. Different situations and arguments, but that feeling of "if I wait for it to blow over, it will be okay."

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Hey babes, I know that you know a little of what I go through since we are Facebook buds. Do you think you're kind of like me and you keep holding out for things to get better even though they never do and you don't have any other options at the moment? I see you still making plans with him and talking about having another baby, is that really what you want, or are you just hoping for some normalcy even though it never really comes?

 

You do realize that when he speaks to you that way he's not only verbally, but emotionally abusing you as well? Nobody should ever speak to their other half like that.

 

Yes I'm aware of it.....as of this morning, I'm really really against another baby with him. I can't do this anymore. It's been a looooong time since he's offended me. No matter what I can usually brush it off. But telling me I'm a bad mom is like a knife to the heart every time. I've heard it from most of my family out of spite- and he was with me telling me they were such jerks for saying it, than I'm a wonderful mom, etc.

 

I have nowhere to go. nobody is hiring.

I think part of me thinks it's ok because every relationship has ups and downs, every couple fights. I've been in a brutally abusive relationship before and maybe I don't see anything wrong with it cause I'm not bloodied by him. But every now and then I just feel drained and worthless.

I DO want another baby. Eventually. With whom, I don't know anymore.

 

we are alike *hugs* And I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. Different situations and arguments, but that feeling of "if I wait for it to blow over, it will be okay."

 

Now isn't the time for another baby, you are still young. Get your life in order first, Lucy deserves that. Can you go back to school or anything like that?

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Jeff's already being hounded cause he has student loans, I can only imagine BOTH of us having debt because of it. It's stressful enough =/

I'd like to eventually go back, but idk what I would study. Child care is also up in the air and every extra penny goes to savings as we've been looking for our own place.

Even to me it sounds like excuses but I just don't see any way school would work right now.

 

I've been thinking of even putting myself out there as a babysitter or house cleaner to make cash til I find a job.

Things need to be in order, I know.....

 

Being a bad mom is my number one fear. It's crippling, it terrifies me to think someday Lucy might look back and say I wasn't there for her, or didn't love her enough, or never cared for her like I should.

But what terrifies me more is her looking back and saying "well....dad.....what about the time you called mom a bitch and said she was worthless?..." and maybe even thinking SHE should be treated that way in a relationship AGHHHHH NOOOOOOOO

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Oh, hobo. I can only think of one thing right now.

 

Do not have another baby with him. Not now.

 

Your priority is you and Lucy.

 

Another baby will not help and it will only hinder you if you decide to ever leave.

 

Thinking good thoughts for you.

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Jeff's already being hounded cause he has student loans, I can only imagine BOTH of us having debt because of it. It's stressful enough =/

I'd like to eventually go back, but idk what I would study. Child care is also up in the air and every extra penny goes to savings as we've been looking for our own place.

Even to me it sounds like excuses but I just don't see any way school would work right now.

 

I've been thinking of even putting myself out there as a babysitter or house cleaner to make cash til I find a job.

Things need to be in order, I know.....

 

Being a bad mom is my number one fear. It's crippling, it terrifies me to think someday Lucy might look back and say I wasn't there for her, or didn't love her enough, or never cared for her like I should.

But what terrifies me more is her looking back and saying "well....dad.....what about the time you called mom a bitch and said she was worthless?..." and maybe even thinking SHE should be treated that way in a relationship AGHHHHH NOOOOOOOO

 

My most vivid memories are of my dad calling my mom names, throwing things, punching holes in walls, breaking glass, etc.. These are my memories of him starting when I was 2 1/2-3 years old until my mom finally packed as much as she could into her car and left him. She will forgive you for doing what you had to do. Seriously, you don't want her growing up with daddy issues like the ones I have. Just plan the best you can, that's the one thing my mom didn't do.

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Yeah, I don't want another baby. It was something I was so excited for but now, not so much.

Gangster, same here except it was my mom. My dad raised me. My mom was a crack whore, cheated very openly and flaunted it in front of us as kids, punched walls, threw dresser drawers full of junk at my dads' head (MANY times and he always dodged it), would simply beat on him and call him every name in the book, daring him to hit her back (he NEVER did).

I hate my mom. HATE her.

 

I am very open to working on our relationship. I don't want to leave because I do love him. But he needs to work on it too, it can't be a one way street. When he gets angry he's very much the "the whole world is against me" type and it's impossible to talk to him that way.

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Is "his sister" the same sister who screwed you over with the rental?

 

Nope! His other one. but they're twins so I guess they can both be jerks at times. -__-

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Yeah, I don't want another baby. It was something I was so excited for but now, not so much.

Gangster, same here except it was my mom. My dad raised me. My mom was a crack whore, cheated very openly and flaunted it in front of us as kids, punched walls, threw dresser drawers full of junk at my dads' head (MANY times and he always dodged it), would simply beat on him and call him every name in the book, daring him to hit her back (he NEVER did).

I hate my mom. HATE her.

 

I am very open to working on our relationship. I don't want to leave because I do love him. But he needs to work on it too, it can't be a one way street. When he gets angry he's very much the "the whole world is against me" type and it's impossible to talk to him that way.

 

You may always love him, for the rest of your life. But when you love yourself a bit more and realize your worth as a human and how you should be treated... Maybe it's time to go. I mean honestly I can look back at some of my exes, who were horrible, and still feel a tiny bit of love left for them, that's how it goes when you've attached yourself to another human for awhile, story as old as time.

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I know....I have a looooong way to go before I ever leave. Job, child care, savings, finding a place THEN telling him.
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I'm so done. I clearly fail at marriage, I'm a piece of dirt.

[/Quote]

:no: You stop it right there, young lady. Don't let anyone make you feel that way. Maybe your husband is the failure. He sounds worse than dirt- he sounds like a piece of shit. Sorry for your troubles, dear. I really hope you and your daughter are in a better place in the future. You deserve better!

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I know....I have a looooong way to go before I ever leave. Job, child care, savings, finding a place THEN telling him.

 

Put yourself out there, start now, it will happen.

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I'm so done. I clearly fail at marriage, I'm a piece of dirt.

[/Quote]

:no: You stop it right there, young lady. Don't let anyone make you feel that way. Maybe your husband is the failure. He sounds worse than dirt- he sounds like a piece of shit. Sorry for your troubles, dear. I really hope you and your daughter are in a better place in the future. You deserve better!

 

Pretty much this. Abusive relationships often tend to be part of a pattern with those who feel that they deserve to be mistreated. Don't blame yourself for other people's jerk behavior. If you were a bad mother, you wouldn't care this much or work this hard.

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I'm so done. I clearly fail at marriage, I'm a piece of dirt.

[/Quote]

:no: You stop it right there, young lady. Don't let anyone make you feel that way. Maybe your husband is the failure. He sounds worse than dirt- he sounds like a piece of shit. Sorry for your troubles, dear. I really hope you and your daughter are in a better place in the future. You deserve better!

Yes! The last thing you should be doing right now is negative self talk. Convincing yourself of these negative things will only keep you from your goals and from gaining the confidence to do what is good for you and your daughter. It sounds like your husband is doing his fair share of keeping you insecure and full of doubt. The best thing is for you to know you deserve better than to be spoken to that way (imagine your daughter choosing a man who talked to her like that). Statistically, she will if she grows up thinking it's ok/normal. Hope your hubby makes a huge turn around...and gets some counseling.
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Seriously, in my last relationship before my marriage I thought I was crazy. He was ALWAYS putting me down, abusing me, telling me I needed him and couldn't make it without him even though at that time I was living on my own and taking care of myself regardless. He told me I didn't need to go to school, etc... When people tell you that, don't believe them, prove them wrong and stay strong. That's why my husband is so pissy at me right now, I've stopped putting up with his degrading and mean remarks.
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I'm so done. I clearly fail at marriage, I'm a piece of dirt.

[/Quote]

:no: You stop it right there, young lady. Don't let anyone make you feel that way. Maybe your husband is the failure. He sounds worse than dirt- he sounds like a piece of shit. Sorry for your troubles, dear. I really hope you and your daughter are in a better place in the future. You deserve better!

Yes! The last thing you should be doing right now is negative self talk. Convincing yourself of these negative things will only keep you from your goals and from gaining the confidence to do what is good for you and your daughter. It sounds like your husband is doing his fair share of keeping you insecure and full of doubt. The best thing is for you to know you deserve better than to be spoken to that way (imagine your daughter choosing a man who talked to her like that). Statistically, she will if she grows up thinking it's ok/normal. Hope your hubby makes a huge turn around...and gets some counseling.

Yes, if you can afford it- counceling!

 

The put downs etc. may be being used as a power play by him to keep you down and in your "place". To weaken you by destroying your self confidence and self worth. You need counceling to save your marriage, if you want to save it.

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Wow, not much to add but never say you are a bad parent, you are doing your best. There is an old (bad) joke that you could go on the internet and figure out how to build an atomic bomb but there is no plan or instruction for being a parent. All you can do is give 100% all of the time, be it the "right" way or not. Believe me, if you think you are a loser, one day your kid will start thinking the same way. And that is a recipe for disaster.

 

Second, and again I can only go by the limited postings, it sounds like your lesser half is somewhat typical of young dads that think raising a child will be all fun and games and since he obviously is sooooo perfect, I am sure he is asking why you can't be. Being the breadwinner is an easy excuse for escaping the 24/7 job of being a parent but us selfish males are slow to get the fact that once the kid is born, we go from being number 1 to number 3 on the totem pole. It doesn't sound like he gets the idea that supporting you and Lucy is his utmost priority now, not his siblings and parents. I hope he can figure that out sooner rather than later.

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Wow, not much to add but never say you are a bad parent, you are doing your best. There is an old (bad) joke that you could go on the internet and figure out how to build an atomic bomb but there is no plan or instruction for being a parent. All you can do is give 100% all of the time, be it the "right" way or not. Believe me, if you think you are a loser, one day your kid will start thinking the same way. And that is a recipe for disaster.

 

Second, and again I can only go by the limited postings, it sounds like your lesser half is somewhat typical of young dads that think raising a child will be all fun and games and since he obviously is sooooo perfect, I am sure he is asking why you can't be. Being the breadwinner is an easy excuse for escaping the 24/7 job of being a parent but us selfish males are slow to get the fact that once the kid is born, we go from being number 1 to number 3 on the totem pole. It doesn't sound like he gets the idea that supporting you and Lucy is his utmost priority now, not his siblings and parents. I hope he can figure that out sooner rather than later.

I think speaking in generalities, men are the more selfish of the species. I know from experience. I would consider myself reasonably selfish. I have maintained a 34 year marriage and raised 2 children to adulthood however. There is a difference between being, at times selfish and needy, and just being a jerk....... Best wishes Hobo :rose:
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Wow, not much to add but never say you are a bad parent, you are doing your best. There is an old (bad) joke that you could go on the internet and figure out how to build an atomic bomb but there is no plan or instruction for being a parent. All you can do is give 100% all of the time, be it the "right" way or not. Believe me, if you think you are a loser, one day your kid will start thinking the same way. And that is a recipe for disaster.

 

Second, and again I can only go by the limited postings, it sounds like your lesser half is somewhat typical of young dads that think raising a child will be all fun and games and since he obviously is sooooo perfect, I am sure he is asking why you can't be. Being the breadwinner is an easy excuse for escaping the 24/7 job of being a parent but us selfish males are slow to get the fact that once the kid is born, we go from being number 1 to number 3 on the totem pole. It doesn't sound like he gets the idea that supporting you and Lucy is his utmost priority now, not his siblings and parents. I hope he can figure that out sooner rather than later.

 

well he's not young- he's 43. And I know for a fact he has raised several other kids, whether it be his sisters' kids (yes he did) or his friends' for various reasons (countless people have told me "yeah, he raised my kids for this reason and that reason").

he has no problem with the totem pole thing, I just wish he'd take my side in this. I'm furious that his sister had the gall to say such things when her son tormented me but I never refused to watch him because I know SHE NEEDED A BABYSITTER. This was our first night alone in almost a year.

 

He doesn't understand- I'm a young mom, this is my first kid. No parent is perfect. And neither is he.

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