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It's been a year...


Alsgalpal
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Man, I'm often surprised at how evil and selfish some people can be. I just can't fathom behaving like that.

 

I'm really glad you pulled through all of that horseshit. :ebert:

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Thanks everyone.

 

Through all of this, I have evolved into a stronger woman. I have boundaries and I don't trust as easily. I've spent many days grieving and listening to a few close people telling me I should be over it by now. My boyfriend never wanted to hear about it as she told him I had an 'agenda'.

 

The fire of grief is sometimes all encompassing. Yet, it refines you into something stronger. Like tempered metal.

 

Some days I wonder what I could have done. But here is one thing I've learned.

 

People that feel threatened by you will hate you. People that are miserable in their own lives will hate you. They will try to bring you down to their level, even if they don't realize it. People will feel stronger by making you feel horrible or will get on some sort of power high when they see what kind of damage they can afflict.

 

The problem people have with you is always shown through their own minds eye. What they see in you is the core of themselves. It's called the mirror effect. Of course, this could be thrown at me and could hit me right square between the eyes, but I spent many many months letting her make a fool out of herself. Putting up with her crappy attempts to draw E out of our home into hers. She was the type of woman that preferred male company. An attention whore. And, quite honestly, a whore in other ways. I'm not just throwing these names at her out of retaliation. I know her deepest secrets.

 

I had no juicy secrets. She resented that. She resented the fact that I had custody of my kids and that my kids were so amazingly well behaved and moral. She resented the fact that I had E to myself. She resented the fact that I succeeded in an industry she got let go from. She made excuses for things she couldn't do and then would yell at me for trying to strengthen my body and work out and lose weight. "You obviously know your body better than I do, but I don't think you can do such and such." She yelled at me for 15 mins straight telling me I can't go golfing with Eric. I told her I could, and it would start a whole barrage of arguing. I had to finish it with telling her I had been golfing with him already. Which was the truth.

 

She was competitive. I was ok with that, as I was indeed secure with who I am.

 

I spent so much time blaming myself. Now, I'm only sorry I didn't know then what I know now and this wouldn't have happened.

 

I don't deserve to hurt. I'm one of the most caring, compassionate and loving individuals that I know. I deserve better, my family deserves a better me.

 

Like I said before, I am lonely. I miss having someone that I got along with perfectly when she was 'behaving'. I only can say that she's had such a hard, difficult, and distressing life and probably needs therapy badly. I'm happy to know she's getting it.

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omg, hon *HUGS*

 

I won't get into too much detail, but I had a best friend who was like my sister, and I loved her to death. She made up the worst rumors about me, and when it comes to backstabbing, well- the knife went in so deep, only a small part of the handle was sticking out. She was also standing there with a canister of salt, dumping it on the wound.

=D

 

we did the friend break up/get back together thing numerous times, until she took it too far and I pretty much tore her a new one. (Liked reading that you too got pissed at your friend.)

 

I know what it's like, it is awful and hurts more than we'd like to admit. For years, even though I knew she was an awful person, I still missed her.

 

You are such a strong person just by going through this, and the day will come when you are able to let go and not dwell on it so much. (It's not a horrible thing, please don't take it as an insult- you are bound to dwell on things when you get hurt.)

 

We all love you here :)

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I just want to stop pushing people away. I want that deep connection with someone, but every time it get's that close, I push them.

 

I know it's just part of the healing/coping/protecting that I have to go through. That it will pass too.

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I just want to stop pushing people away. I want that deep connection with someone, but every time it get's that close, I push them.

 

I know it's just part of the healing/coping/protecting that I have to go through. That it will pass too.

 

 

Oh I had concrete walls that would go up the second someone tried to get close to me in any way, shape or form. Looking back I feel awful because no doubt I was being a b*tch about it =/

I would put my hand up and say "Sorry, but you need to leave me alone now."

 

Even now, every now and then the walls come up and people tell me I get very strange and look like I suddenly want to run out of the room.

 

It'll go away over time, just focus on yourself and what makes YOU comfortable and happy. And remember, you are never wrong for feeling or behaving in any odd way.

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I'm sorry to hear about your year of hell. :( That's a lot of terribleness you had to go through, and I hope things are getting better now! :)

 

It sucks when someone we trust turns against us. The worst thing is the "why?" and "how?" - I don't understand how somone can be so awful. A few months back I went through something similar, with people I liked and trusted making me a scapegoat and having people turn against me and say horrible things about me. I could never behave in this way towards someone else!

 

I understand your hesitance to trust, really trust others again. It's always kind of been my thing to not get too close to people, just in case I get burned, but it's not nice to keep that distance. Real relationships are built on trust, and if that trust gets trampled on and destroyed, there's no real recovery of it.

 

I do think this woman should definitely not be part of your life. She sounds horrible, and I think you deserve much better. You deserve to have a friend that will treat you the way you treat them - with respect, integrity, and a lack of psychotic behaviour. Please don't have that woman in your life at all - she's poisonous.

 

 

 

And, Sheldon, you sure make an awfully cute 5-year-old! :)

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I am always willing to trust again - people make horrid mistakes and sometimes learn from them, but two strikes, you are out. Permanently. I wasn't always like this, but I have mellowed with age. If you call that mellowing. ;) Edited by Lorraine
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I don't deserve to hurt. I'm one of the most caring, compassionate and loving individuals that I know. I deserve better, my family deserves a better me.

 

Dear AlsGalPal,

 

I don't know anything about you other than what I read in your posts, which are always positive and affirming.

 

Which leads me to believe that you are, indeed, a caring, compassionate and loving individual.

 

I agree with you that "you don't deserve to hurt, and that you and your family deserve a better you".

 

Let that be your mantra for awhile, write it down and say it over and over...even when you don't feel it - especially when you don't feel it.

 

You have to accept that as fact over feeling and you'll receive the healing, happiness and the "you" that you deserve.

 

Also, always remember you have a family here at TRF that loves and cares for you and for your well being.

 

~Peace, Love, Rush

 

RGLT :hug2:

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Well, thank goodness, that you are doing well, nowadays. And if you have any sense of doubt or any sort of frustration then do these tasks that three wise men have encourage you to do.

 

"Thank your stars you're not that way

Turn your back and walk away

Don't even pause and ask them why

Turn around and say goodbye"

 

God bless this band. They just have an answer for everything.

Edited by Anguyen92
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Sorry to hear you had to go through that. But I agree with what everyone else is saying. Get this person out of your life. I've known people like this too and they're psychic vampires. They destroy everything they come in contact with. Jealousy is a terrible, terrible thing.
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:hug2:

 

Good riddance I'd say!

 

I know it can be hard to trust people again, but let me offer some perspective on that if I may? I bear great resentment towards my ex for breaking up with me, and that is about a year ago now. Talk about feeling stabbed in the heart, and I got bitter towards every woman in the world being cynical and all that. I thankfully got into therapy (and still is) to get rid of my unhealthy views of the world. It's not fair that I would put my image of her on every individual, questioning their motifs and thinking they all had a agenda - which was to f*ck me over, and not in a good way. That bitterness would alienate me from meeting the one who would actually love me for who I am.

I will probably always feel shy, and be afraid of being hurt again, but as my therapist asked me: "What if you get hurt again?". I guess I'll live, I replied. :)

 

I hope I make sense but to put it into one sentence: Take a chance on people, the reward will be bigger than not to :)

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Alsgalpal,

 

I'm sorry that you had a "friend" betray your trust like that. She was never a friend. Life is too damn short to have people who suck the joy out of it or who give you grief and make life horrible for you. Know that you are a good person. Believe in karma. She will get what is coming to her.

 

Take care,

 

frippy

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Sheldon!! Is that really you?

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff508/blackcc/225756_1047237514591_4666_n.jpg

I didn't picture you like that at all. Even at the age of five. :LOL: Were you a little terror?

http://hawksquawk.net/community/uploads/profile/photo-615.gif?_r=1372394120

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Glad to see you come out the other side of this AGP. I understand keeping people at at distance, I'm pretty good at that myself. You sure don't deserve any of the crap you went through with her. Keep on keepin' on and it will get better.
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Sheldon!! Is that really you?

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff508/blackcc/225756_1047237514591_4666_n.jpg

I didn't picture you like that at all. Even at the age of five. :LOL: Were you a little terror?

http://hawksquawk.net/community/uploads/profile/photo-615.gif?_r=1372394120

 

That's perfect! I wish I had thought of that. :LOL:

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I need two hands to count the number of friends I've "dumped". I don't regret any of those dumpings. :no:

 

Some friends and I just drifted away from each other, which was no big deal. You live, you change interests, you meet new people, etc. It's all good.

 

But some "friends".....the more you get to know them, the more you see them for who they really are - narcissistic assholes who don't respect you or anyone else for that matter. You end up asking yourself, "Why on Earth did I ever start hanging out with this asshole?"

 

And then some will try to "adopt" you. They'll have you over for dinner with the wife and kids, and start talking down to you like you're their "little buddy", or one of their children, or even a secondary wife.....it gives you the bloody creeps, I tell 'ya..... :o You run away from those nutjobs.....and you run FAST....

 

Just my worldview: It's far, far better to be alone than to be "friends" with people who don't respect you. Quality is indeed better than quantity. I'd rather have only 3-4 friends I can truly trust than a hundred friends who are really assholes-in-disguise.

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It's far, far better to be alone than to be "friends" with people who don't respect you.

 

That reminds me of something I once wrote in 1973 or 1974 - it's better to be lonely alone than to be with someone and still be lonely.

 

Obviously, I would choose the former. :yes: :D

 

Friends and family are like transactions in your Life Account. The goal is to maximize your credits and minimize your debits. At the end of the day/month/year, is your account in the black or red? And if you choose to go it alone, you still have that real big Credit - Yourself - working for you. :ebert:

 

And I would add that being alone doesn't necessarily require you to be lonely. Sometimes, being alone means that you're free from everyone's else's bullshit!! :LOL:

Edited by Principled Man
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Thank you everyone. A fee of you I have on Facebook and saw some of the fallout. I couldn't go deep into details there.

 

I even lost Eric's mom and step mom. Step mom dumped me for being negative and calling some out on their dishonest actions. This isafter she made some pretty hhorrible comments about how she thought eric should dump me. I've been nothing but kind to he, but I stood up for myself. His mom ditched me because I stood up for myself when she thought I needed to repent and find Jesus. This is after the amazingly sinful things she's done and was still doing. I was often one of the only child to support her in her quest for happiness.

 

Like i said before, I didn't make boundaries and expected people to do the right thing.

 

People that are dishonest in their intentions will run from you when you stand up for doing right. People that feel miserable will try to bring you down as it gives them a precious run of power.

 

At the moment and for the most part, I love my life and who is in it. But, I'm tending to the moat around my heart. I will heal.

 

That's one thing I've gained. Strength over naivete. Peace in knowing whatever happens I will be ok. I will always be ok. I learned how steong I am. That I won't put up with shit. That I love who I am and what I look like and my intelligence.

 

These are things people have tried to take from me for their own arsenal without realising it takes work. You have to create your own joy, strength and peace. You can't be given these things nor can you take them.

 

I will never allow her back into my life, but we shared time. Joys. She was with me when my granny left the earth and she took care of me.

 

I will always love her. I love people unconditionally. That is bith my Achilles heel, and a gift.

 

Its nice to know how much you care, and the advice you've given me will be remembered.

 

Its tough to heal, and it still hurts, but its getting better.

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