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I don't know who else to go to. I just need to let it out.

hobo73

By hobo73,
in New World Women

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hobo73

hobo73

Posted
Posted

I am embarrassed. Truly mortified.

I don't want to face my in laws today. I never have issues with them, ever. I just.....don't need the looks and the questions and the "I'm so angry you guys did that". Spare me.

Today is not the day.

 

Last night, hubby and I had some mixed drinks. Certainly not a whole lot, we got tipsy- well, ok, I got tipsy. He got drunk.

I started playing with his ear earlier in the evening and he got all giddy and I basically said, wait til later ;)

Later on I got the munchies, had a few crackers with cheese. At this point he was drunk, and when I came back with the food he goes "UGHHHH I AM STARVING. Bet you won't even make me some f*ckin' food, will you. NOPE. All because I want different cheese than you have."

 

I ignored him because, really, read what I just typed. THAT IS RIDICULOUS, and I will not answer to that crap.

 

He suddenly got very, very angry. Screaming that how dare I tease him by playing with his ear, it's been 3 days, you'll just go to sleep. (Yep, it was all about sex. Go figure."

I had an entire night planned out, but he just....yeah....ruined it.

 

I got very upset and went into the room, crying. He stormed in after me, screaming- woke our 3 year old up, and she starts screaming and crying, begging me "mama, don't cry!" My heart f*cking broke in half.

I grab my house keys and tell hubby I just needed to go outside for a smoke to calm down. He picks up our daughter, stands in front of the door and refuses to let me out. A good 15 minutes, he was blocking my way out. He reached into the pocket of my pajama pants for my house keys, and literally rips the entire pocket off my pants. (He keeps saying "I'll buy you new pajama pants." Not the point.)

 

I'll spare details, but I felt the need to physically defend myself at one point.

 

At this point I was crying hysterically, shaking, terrified, just wanted to go. He walks over to his parents and TELLS THEM EVERYTHING. From what he told me, he made it out to be all my fault. He told me if I was home when he got off work today, he'd take our daughter and "he has a place lined up. Divorce papers will be ready." He said "after all, I'M the one with the job. You're just a stay at home mom. I will get full custody and go after you for child support. Don't have a job? I'll get money from you one way or another."

 

Then he goes in the bedroom, (not trying to be gross lol) grabs all our "protection" we keep in the night stand, goes outside and throws them all in the garbage can out back. Tells me if I want them, to dig them out myself. (Wasn't going to happen.)

 

He kept me up til 5 AM, yelling at me, insulting me, threatening me with divorce, telling me I wasn't loved anymore.

Then he told me "I understand now. Josh never hit you, you made it up."

 

back story- I had a very abusive boyfriend at 16. He beat me every day, and eventually we had a whole court thing over it. My husband informed me that, no doubt, I made it all up. If I was "blowing THIS fight out of proportion", then clearly I lied about Josh. He even went so far as to say "Your dad even told me you're a f*cking liar." (my dad would NEVER say that. Bet my life on it. He would never talk about Josh.)

 

Guess that vodka really hit him, huh. He;s getting sober, resting now before work. But he still sees nothing wrong with his actions and tells me how dare I not be in the mood for sex every night. really??? It really stems from that?! That I just was waiting til a little later in the night to do something?! It's not like I wasn't going to!!!

(Oh, and after our huge fight, he was bewildered and couldn't understand why I couldn't "put everything aside" and have sex with him anyway. HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY.)

 

 

 

....I'm sorry, I just don't know what to think. I hear my mother in law mumbling under her breath, avoiding me. No doubt I'll get some sort of lecture later. =/

My heart physically hurts, I was threatened with having my daughter taken from me simply because I happen to be a stay at home mom. I was mocked for not having money or any other place to go. I was told my husband never wanted to have sex with me again. That I am useless, worthless, and he still maintains that he did nothing wrong.

Now I have torn pants, a 3 year old who's walking on eggshells around her parents today, and I feel like the single worst mother in the entire world.

 

The bags I have under my eyes from all the crying I did last night are insane.

 

sorry, just don't know how to even function today. Taking Lucy to the park in a few minutes to meet with a friend, getting my baby girl out of the house. Hope I can clear my mind.

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Alsgalpal

Alsgalpal

Posted
Posted (edited)

When he's at work, take your baby and get out.

 

No.

 

 

Seriously.

 

Get the f*ck out. He's abusive, and abusers always blame someone else for their reactions/actions/verbage whatever you call it. The alcohol removes inhibitions, and he will always blame you or the drink for his actions. He won't get better, he won't change, he won't not do it again. He will. He will get worse. That's no ok to talk to you that way, it's not ok for him to do it in front of your baby.

 

I worry for you, as I was in the same situation almost 10 years ago. Unfortunately, this forum was there to see me in all the emotional turmoil it caused. The only way you can make it better is to get out with your baby. You can replace your's and her clothing/toys/belongings. You can't replace her or you. Change your number, get a lawyer, don't tell him where you are until your lawyer councils you.

 

Talk to someone.

 

Leave. Please.

Edited by Alsgalpal
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gangsterfurious

gangsterfurious

Posted
Posted

Sweetie get away from him ASAP. Please.

 

My mom lived with my alcoholic/emotionally abusive father until I was 4 and she finally packed up the car and we moved into a motel, it's what we had to do. This man has NO BUSINESS ever telling you that you made up anything about an abusive boyfriend, or blocking you when you want to get out of the house. My husband drinks quite a bit and when he drinks a wee bit too much he still NEVER speaks to me like that. Do not let him use drinking as an excuse and as far as your in-laws, if they'd rather defend their son instead of chastising him for being wrong, then stand up to them and tell them where they can shove their attitude and opinions.

 

You are not his property for him to have sex with whenever he wants and three days? Really? My God with all that's going on in the lives of my husband and I right now we are lucky if we go three weeks and get some time in together. Anyway... that's insane.

 

Do you have somewhere you can go?

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Lorraine

Lorraine

Posted
Posted

Hobo, normally I try to keep out of marital conflicts. It is easy for me to give advice. After all, I am not the one that has the emotional involvement.

 

But I have to say that I would have written exactly what Alsgalpal wrote.

 

Get your stuff together, take your daughter, and leave. There is a plethora of programs available for women in your situation with young children.

 

This is mental abuse and can devolve quickly into physical abuse.

 

Don't wait for that to happen. No man is worth it.

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Garden Dancer

Garden Dancer

Posted
Posted

Out. Get out now.

 

Family member, friend, church, shelter... but just take the little one and get out.

 

My heart hurts for you, and I know it's hard as hell. But things like that don't get better, the only get worse.

 

Please, please... please get out of there.

 

 

 

..***hugs***... ~~~***Prayers***~~~ ...Love... :heart:

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Retrospective

Retrospective

Posted
Posted

Please, please, please, please: Be. Safe.

 

You don't deserve that. All of it. That's horrible... your daughter doesn't deserve it either.

 

I agree with everyone else: get out and go to a safe place. It's the best thing you can do right now. :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

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Mika

Mika

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry to hear about this horrible situation. As others have said, this is abusive behaviour, and you don't deserve this. And the judgement of your in-laws, to add to it....

 

To my mind it is never ok to behave the way he did. There is nothing to justify his actions, whether he tries to blame them on alcohol, being tired, on you, or any other excuse. He has chosen to be a shit, and this is no one's fault but his, and for very poor reasons. Getting made over not having sex in three days? Blocking your exit, with your daughter as hostage? Ripping your clothes? Saying rude and abusive things to you? Not at all cool. I don't know your history with him, if anything remotely like this has happened before, but even once is too much.

 

I'm curious to see what his story is 'the day after', but no matter what he says, or how contrite he might be, again there's no excuse. And I do hope you understand that this is not your fault - no matter how many excuses he might throw at you ("You don't give me enough sex" "You're a tease" "you don't have the right cheese"), it is he that has decided to behave this way, and there are consequences.

 

I really hope you have somewhere to go, a friend's or sister's or anything, to take your daughter and lay low for a little while at least, until things can be dealt with.

 

Gawd, I can't believe he would act like a monster in front of his little girl, even use her as a weapon. :(

 

BTW, was it just you and he having drinks together, or were your in-laws there? I'm not quite sure, and if they were there at the time, and witnessed this and did nothing about it... that's a whole new level of wrongness.

 

I hope things work out better for you, and know that you have all of us here for support.

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crimsonfrippy

crimsonfrippy

Posted
Posted

Hobo,

 

Get out. I am serious. No real man would treat his wife/partner this way. Your priority is for the safety of your little girl and yourself.

 

It will not change, it will not get better. Trust me. It will only cease when he cannot do it again.

 

Take care,

 

frippy

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Lerxster

Lerxster

Posted
Posted
I'm so sorry to hear about how cruel you were treated. That's not how a good man behaves- ever. So many lines crossed. I'm sorry for you and your daughter. All I can recommend is to seek professional help with this.
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RushFlyer2112

RushFlyer2112

Posted
Posted
Run away and don't look back,take your daughter and go.Praying for you!!!!!!! So very sad for you love you so very much and be safe ;( ;(
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Garden Dancer

Garden Dancer

Posted
Posted

FWIW, I read much of this to my husband agrees with me, and the replies so far.

We hope you are safe, hon. update us when you can..

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Lost In Xanadu

Lost In Xanadu

Posted
Posted (edited)

I really want to make a joke to try and lighten the mood, but it would be terribly inappropriate. That is kinda my default - but there is absolutely nothing to laugh about here. I totally agree that you should not have to deal with this crap. There is always help given to those who ask for it, waiting for it to come find you may yield nothing. I would heed the advice of so many on here and get out while you can.

 

Maybe he will decide that he needs to change and make an effort to repair the damage done... people can change. But while you wait to see if this small miracle does occur, you need to protect yourself and your daughter.

Edited by Lost In Xanadu
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gangsterfurious

gangsterfurious

Posted
Posted
I just want to add one more thing. They are ALWAYS sorry afterwards. And they ALWAYS promise it will be the last time. We know this is not true, never true, and that there are no exceptions with this kind of man.
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The Analog Grownup

The Analog Grownup

Posted
Posted

I am a firm believer of personal freedom, so when I hear/read about someone obstructing ones personal freedom, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. Who is he to treat you like his property or demand you give him sex when he wants? A healthy relationship is when both parts are equal and treating each other like it. Clearly he is not seeing you both as equals and that will never lead to any place good.

 

I took a look at your profile to see how old you are. At only 23 years old you have your whole life in front of you. No need to throw it all away by staying with an abusive excuse for a man.

 

You mentioned a part that really stood out to me; that you felt like the worst mother in the world. You have no need to feel that way about a situation you didn't start. I know you care about your child, but your husbands behavior is not your responsibility.

 

I can only repeat what the others have answered you: Get out. And get out now. Don't wait for it to get better as it probably wont.

 

Please.

 

:hug2:

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laughedatbytime

laughedatbytime

Posted
Posted

Not much to add...the others are right...get out of the situation. Do it for yourself and for your daughter.

 

Thoughts and prayers coming your way!

 

:hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

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