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Rush and the Broken People


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#61 RushFlyer2112

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 11:26 AM

Thank you so very much,GedsJean!!!!!!! Love you so very much and everybody here!!!!!! :) ;)

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#62 Lorraine

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 11:55 AM

Quote

A perfect reminder, too, of how freakin' awesome Rush fans are!

Oh we are the best, aren't we???  :coy:   No wonder why they always mention us in their interviews.  Has anyone else here noticed how often we are brought up?  I have.  :)

#63 gangsterfurious

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 01:39 PM

View PostGedsJeans, on 17 May 2013 - 07:19 AM, said:

Geddy Lee's voice was the other enormous attracting factor for me (and I'm going to leave out talking about Neil, not because I don't love him and his craft - he is THE BEST -, but because I think he'd hate being scrutinized and gushed over in a post of this nature). I'm not sure how many other men and women will be able to relate to my most prominent reason for falling in love with Geddy's vocals, but it was the ethereal, asexual and unthreatening nature of his voice that appealed to and soothed me right away. And when I say "unthreatening", I don't mean that his range is unintimidating (phsaw!) or that his delivery of emotion is somehow "less than" (phsaw again!)... I mean that he did not have that overt, in-your-face, brute sexuality that frontmen like Robert Plant, Roger Daltry and Mick Jagger had. That frightened me and put me off the music. A LOT. Geddy did not have that dangerous, sex-obsessed persona that made my blood run cold. There is an innocence in his voice and presence that mingles with the coiled-spring-like power and energy. His voice is alarming but charming. It makes me feel safe. There's a sweetness to it, a gentleness mixed with a tiny bit of endearing arrogance, and when he really lets go, he can raise every hair on your body with his emotion.

And he's adorable. They all are. They are such sweet-looking, unthreatening people. Alex with his mega-watt smile and Geddy with his head full of bouncy curls, Neil with his cheeky grin. They are normal-looking, adorable men... who are also obvious misfits. That is the biggest part of their charm as people. We KNOW that they are misfits, just like we are. And yet, look how far they've come. Look at these 3 guys who had a really rough time in school and were bullied and had difficult childhoods and never really fit in... and then look at how they've overcome it all. Here they are, living their dreams and making music that seeks out every suffering person who needs it most and envelopes them in hope and joy.


You hit the nail on the head!

I love Robert Plant but that over-sexed gyrating thing he has (had) going on is a bit much.

I like that none of the members of the band ever act like women are just around to be groupies and to have sex with. I have a hard time being a female fan of any band known for their less than stellar treatment of women.

When I hear Geddy sing I feel like this big hand is coming down and petting me in a sense. I don't know how else to explain it. And yeah, he does his little butt wiggle but it's more cute than that in-your-face sort of thing that others do.

#64 Lorraine

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 02:08 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 17 May 2013 - 01:39 PM, said:


I like that none of the members of the band ever act like women are just around to be groupies and to have sex with. I have a hard time being a female fan of any band known for their less than stellar treatment of women.

When I hear Geddy sing I feel like this big hand is coming down and petting me in a sense. I don't know how else to explain it. And yeah, he does his little butt wiggle but it's more cute than that in-your-face sort of thing that others do.
Gangster,  I know what you mean about his voice.  I wouldn't feel threatened in his presence.   He is the type of man I would love to have as a best friend.

You didn't mention Roger Daltry, but GedsJeans did.  I never thought of his voice on the same level as Robert Plant.  I don't know for certain, but I think Geddys Mullet would agree with me.  The Who's Quadrophenia got me through yet another in a long line of tough times in my life.  There was no Rush in 1974 (well, there was Rush - but who knew?????).

#65 GedsJeans

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 02:38 PM

Garden Dancer, please share! That's what this thread is here for... to share and bond with other Rush fans and to help us feel like we're not alone in the difficult things we've gone through. I shared my story, rough as it was, and it has actually been very liberating. A couple of the things that I mentioned, I've actually never spoken aloud to anyone before. It does help to get it out. :hug2:

gangsterfurious... I love the butt wiggle. The butt wiggle combined with the hair swing is mesmerizing! :D

Lorraine... I'm sorry if my comment made it seem as though I didn't like The Who/Roger Daltry (Quadrophenia is incredible), Led Zep or The Stones. It's more that the rough, brash, often highly-sexual male personas of the lead singers scared me. Geddy's playful sweetness is in such sharp contrast that it makes the aforestated others seem almost ridiculous to me. I don't mean any disrespect to any of them when I say that... just my opinion. In my eyes, Geddy is pure class, a gentleman and seems like someone who has respect for women. :wub:

#66 GedsJeans

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 02:41 PM

:hug2: RushFlyer2112 :hug2:

#67 Lorraine

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 02:48 PM

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Lorraine... I'm sorry if my comment made it seem as though I didn't like The Who/Roger Daltry (Quadrophenia is incredible), Led Zep or The Stones. It's more that the rough, brash, often highly-sexual male personas of the lead singers scared me. Geddy's playful sweetness is in such sharp contrast that it makes the aforestated others seem almost ridiculous to me. I don't mean any disrespect to any of them when I say that... just my opinion. In my eyes, Geddy is pure class, a gentleman and seems like someone who has respect for women.

GJ, I wasn't offended at all.  I go back with The Who from the beginning as I was born the same year that rock 'n roll was.  Things were very different back then.   I wish I was able to explain it to you, but I cannot.   I never went beyond the music back then to the person behind the voice or instrument.  I didn't care.  The music saved me.  That was all that mattered.  Today with the internet that has all changed.

#68 RushFlyer2112

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 03:01 PM

Awww,GedsJeans,you're so very sweet!!!!!!!!

#69 crimsonfrippy

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 04:03 PM

View Postgangsterfurious, on 17 May 2013 - 01:39 PM, said:

View PostGedsJeans, on 17 May 2013 - 07:19 AM, said:

Geddy Lee's voice was the other enormous attracting factor for me (and I'm going to leave out talking about Neil, not because I don't love him and his craft - he is THE BEST -, but because I think he'd hate being scrutinized and gushed over in a post of this nature). I'm not sure how many other men and women will be able to relate to my most prominent reason for falling in love with Geddy's vocals, but it was the ethereal, asexual and unthreatening nature of his voice that appealed to and soothed me right away. And when I say "unthreatening", I don't mean that his range is unintimidating (phsaw!) or that his delivery of emotion is somehow "less than" (phsaw again!)... I mean that he did not have that overt, in-your-face, brute sexuality that frontmen like Robert Plant, Roger Daltry and Mick Jagger had. That frightened me and put me off the music. A LOT. Geddy did not have that dangerous, sex-obsessed persona that made my blood run cold. There is an innocence in his voice and presence that mingles with the coiled-spring-like power and energy. His voice is alarming but charming. It makes me feel safe. There's a sweetness to it, a gentleness mixed with a tiny bit of endearing arrogance, and when he really lets go, he can raise every hair on your body with his emotion.

And he's adorable. They all are. They are such sweet-looking, unthreatening people. Alex with his mega-watt smile and Geddy with his head full of bouncy curls, Neil with his cheeky grin. They are normal-looking, adorable men... who are also obvious misfits. That is the biggest part of their charm as people. We KNOW that they are misfits, just like we are. And yet, look how far they've come. Look at these 3 guys who had a really rough time in school and were bullied and had difficult childhoods and never really fit in... and then look at how they've overcome it all. Here they are, living their dreams and making music that seeks out every suffering person who needs it most and envelopes them in hope and joy.


You hit the nail on the head!

I love Robert Plant but that over-sexed gyrating thing he has (had) going on is a bit much.

I like that none of the members of the band ever act like women are just around to be groupies and to have sex with. I have a hard time being a female fan of any band known for their less than stellar treatment of women.

When I hear Geddy sing I feel like this big hand is coming down and petting me in a sense. I don't know how else to explain it. And yeah, he does his little butt wiggle but it's more cute than that in-your-face sort of thing that others do.

I think they are all attractive in a sense because they seem safe, nice guys.  Like guys who know how to treat a woman.  I'm very lucky that my husband is like that...and yes, my hubby knows about my crush on Alex.  Its okay because I know about his crush on Maria Bartiromo. :D

#70 GedsJeans

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 04:10 PM

I do understand, Lorraine. And no worries. :) I'm actually pretty sure that, had my past not been what it was, to the extent that it was, I wouldn't be overly concerned with muscians' backstories and behavior. The music IS what is most important. However, I'm still super-grateful that our boys seem like such stand up guys! :wub:

#71 Lorraine

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Posted 17 May 2013 - 04:18 PM

View PostGedsJeans, on 17 May 2013 - 04:10 PM, said:

I do understand, Lorraine. And no worries. :) I'm actually pretty sure that, had my past not been what it was, to the extent that it was, I wouldn't be overly concerned with muscians' backstories and behavior. The music IS what is most important. However, I'm still super-grateful that our boys seem like such stand up guys! :wub:

To tell you the truth, I wouldn't be here on this forum if they weren't what they are.  That is the truth.  I was impressed by their nonconformity.  I was impressed they weren't like the rest.  They were different.  They weren't sluts.  I read an interview that told of once when they were at some kind of function and, instead of joining in the insanity with the other rock musicians that were there, they were all in their room reading books.  I said to myself, "My kind of men!!"

And here I am.  ;)

Edited by Lorraine, 17 May 2013 - 04:18 PM.


#72 Blue J

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Posted 18 May 2013 - 10:08 AM

View PostGedsJeans, on 17 May 2013 - 02:38 PM, said:

Garden Dancer, please share! That's what this thread is here for... to share and bond with other Rush fans and to help us feel like we're not alone in the difficult things we've gone through. I shared my story, rough as it was, and it has actually been very liberating. A couple of the things that I mentioned, I've actually never spoken aloud to anyone before.

I know this thread was originally directed at women, but there have been replies of all kinds, from a lot of different people here. I had started working on my own story as the result of a different thread very shortly before this one appeared. It's going to be too long to post on the board, though, so I'm wondering how everyone will get to read it (I've written about five pages so far and I'm still getting through it, so some editing might be in order- but then I don't really want to edit it at all, you know?). I'll figure it out, though.

Rush has been the most important band in my lifetime, and they've been the most positive influence on me, out of all the music I've ever been into.

Be well, all. And keep talking, and listening, and...all that! :)

#73 Garden Dancer

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Posted 18 May 2013 - 10:16 AM

View PostGedsJeans, on 17 May 2013 - 02:38 PM, said:

Garden Dancer, please share! That's what this thread is here for... to share and bond with other Rush fans and to help us feel like we're not alone in the difficult things we've gone through.

gangsterfurious... I love the butt wiggle. The butt wiggle combined with the hair swing is mesmerizing! :D


OK, but first I must address the butt wiggle/hair swing combo...Posted Image Posted Image Coz that has got to be one of the finest, most beautiful things that has ever been seen...  ever!  That Ged... :wub: I adore watching him!  I mean, it's always the music first.  That's what hit me first.  But dang, watching those guys, particularly Ged...  Makes me such a happy, happy girl  Posted Image



...
So for me...  It started so early.  Too early.  At three years, you're still supposed to be able to trust people.  But trust is a very fragile thing, and once it's been shattered, it's never quite the same.  And mine was shattered at three.  One twisted babysitter, quite skilled in the art of fear.  She would ... I won't go into the ugly details, suffice to say she was a sick b**ch.  And she would then tell me that if I ever told anyone, she'd come and get my dog/friends/parents/*fill-in-the-blank*.  And of course the usual "no one will believe you, anyway" B.S.
Now this kind of crap is waaaay more than what a three year old can handle!  So one develops some ... unique coping and escape mechanisms.
When we moved away... it was the greatest day in my life!
But the scars she created were too much.  I still had trouble trusting, I was scared to get close to anyone (coz she might add them to her hit list, if she thought I ever told on her...)... Little things that didn't bother anyone else affected me deeply, I seemed forever on the fringe and half a beat behind everyone else.  So I had precious few people I considered 'friends'... but even them, I wouldn't let them get too close.  I had built a wall, and no one was getting in!  Not to the core.  No one gets that close.  Not again.  Any minor bump in a friendship was magnified to a huge betrayal, and only served to justify my distance.  And built another layer to my wall (now become quite the elaborate fortress!)
Now, other kids notice the wounded.  And the odd-ball, the wounded, the quiet kid that walls herself off, she becomes the perfect target for teasing, harassing, bullying.
And... even with a fortress to protect yourself, you still get stung by the constant, daily attacks.  Might even believe that you're stupid and worthless and crazy and too weird.
By middle school, I was too good at wearing the mask.  I'd wear it all day, and only let it drop when I got home after school.  I had discovered the insane joy of blasting a record at full volume and dancing myself to utter exhaustion.  *I was a 'latchkey kid', so no parents to tell me to turn it down, for a few precious hours LOL!*

Music.  My records.  My perfect escape, the only thing that I would allow to touch the deep heart of me.  There was  something magical about music.  How it could pull me outside of myself and soothe over the wounds that no one else knew about.  Cry with me the pain, smooth the ruffled soul, then swing me up into an ecstatic joy that nothing else could ever match.  Music, one particular singer, (not yet our boys, I only had that joy once, at 9, in the car, then not again until...  like... 21.!.)  I would loose myself in the music, though.  Oh he was my best friend, the one who I could trust completely.  He was my fantasy love, my mega-crush, my savior, my everything.  And it was the one thing that was mine  I didn't share with my counselor, I didn't let on to my friends just how the music felt, never told my parents anything...  the music was my thing.  And no one was going to take it from me, no one was going to know how much it meant to me.  It was MINE.

Now, if I thought elementary and middle school were hard... *pfft*  High school was hell's nightmare!  I was more withdrawn, I was further behind everyone else, and the teasing and bullying was getting worse by the day.  My body never felt right from one day to the next, my brain didn't seem to learn the way everyone else did, I felt like I was getting singled out by teachers, left out of d@mn near everything...  the only thing left that meant anything to me was my music.  And sometimes, even it wasn't quite strong enough.  I'd dance myself sick, then bury any remaining emotion under junk food.  (Oh yeah, that was freakin' healthy for me... *eye roll*)
One light.  There was one glorious light in high school.  She saw the torture.  She couldn't tolerate it.  And she stood up.
For me.
For ... me?
WTF???  Why was this awesomely cool, intimidating, wonderful person wasting her time defending me?!?
Oh, I'd seen her around, and I envied her style and grace and strength.  She took no sh!t, she was strong and defiant and cool.  In a way I could never be.  She was beautiful and yet she intimidated the hell outta me.  She was amazing to me, but I was always too afraid to approach.  She wouldn't want to even acknowledge me...  And yet, there she was, telling off all those others, defending me.!.  Standing up for me!  This was something I couldn't quite process... someone that freakin' cool thought I was worth defending???  More than that, she actually wanted to get to know me, after that!?!
She helped me through a lot of crap.  And being friends with her, made me kind of "cool-by-proxy".

But there was still a lot of stuff stirring around, memories I had squashed coming back in an angry stew, re-kindling some fears causing such internal pain that I couldn't seem to squelch ... even with the music, it was getting too hard.
I started cutting, and that... strange as it may sound, was a sort of... (warped) release?  Something.  It was a pain, but it was one that I was controlling.  It was another way to hide from and bury the other pain.  And somehow, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would...  Taking control of the blade and making the cuts... as deep as I wanted, in a pattern that I wanted, sometimes even felt "good"  (yes, I said warped.  I was dealing with some really deep mental sh!t, here...)  And some of it, I'm sure, was the endorphin release after the fact...
Music started to take a back seat.  The cutting was a weird new way to deal.
My friend saw the scars one time, and I could see how scared and upset she was, but I was already drifting toward a much darker place.
I tried to step away from the edge.  For a while, I was doing better...
But... then we moved again.
With all the crap that I was dealing with already, now we're moving?   Well F**k.
Shut down.  If there's too much to deal with, then just shut it all the f**k down.
There was nothing good any more, anyway.  So why bother?  Just go robotic through the motions, each day blurred into the next, touched by and touching nothing.  Coz it's all rotten in the end.  So f**k it all.
And...  if we're gonna say f**k it all, anyway...  if there's no point to anything any more, if it's all just sh!t in the end, why even go on?
Suicide was dangerously attractive.  I was too d@mn close.
But there was something...I still don't know what it was...  Something that said "Whoa!  wait a sec!"
A hesitation, then, from out of the blue, I hit the 'play' button on the tape deck.  A last second, maybe desperate attempt at ... something...
And he was there.  My first crush, my musical savior.  My closest friend... his voice singing a gorgeous ballad...
And it did it.  Something inside woke again to his voice and ...  the dam broke!
I wept for the longest time, the flood of emotions I had blocked, just pouring from my heart and tears
I cried until I couldn't cry any more, then it struck me how absurd that seemed, and I started to laugh.  And I laughed like a freakin' maniac.  And the laughing was so funny sounding, that it fed into more laughing.  And it went on until the pendulum swung again, and I cried another release...
It was so weird, the wide swing between laughing and crying, and through it all, feeling more and more relief with each wave.
Going on until I was just so exhausted,  I just ... "slept" isn't quite the right word, but I hadn't quite passed out.  I just kind of collapsed into a kind of 'semi-sleep' state.  I just had to stop, LOL...
It was a hard road back, many days I had to kick my own @ss outta bed and find something, anything to convince myself to keep going.
But this time I kept that music by my side (and in my ears)  as my ally once again.  And a new musical hero.  A new beautiful man who took me to beautiful places.  I'd heard him once before, but I had this new appreciation after that close call...
I moved again, because of a guy.  That didn't work, and I lived unsettled... day-to-day, couch-hopping with friends (what I call now my "Gypsy Days",  whatever! LOL...)
With my music.
Always.
Moved in with another man (and married him!!!Posted Image)
And then heard...  this song...
The same one I heard when I was just 9...
And it was Geddy.
Singing with a strength that excited and thrilled me, brought me to a happy feeling, and I was HOOKED!
Still struggling with depression  (it's an ongoing thing, you can too easily find yourself with those old thoughts and patterns...  and you gotta keep on fighting...)
But now the awesome power of Rush in my personal arsenal against those dangerous places!

Strong as my first musical hero, strong as my second beautiful musical magician, Rush was pulling me into a very good place.  I felt a connection with the music, I felt a sort of connection with the musicians as I learned more and more about them.  Lyrics that spoke to me, lyrics that could have been ripped from my diary, if I kept one.  Lyrics that lifted me up and cheered me on and helped me feel ever more whole.
Add to all that, Geddy's smile and Alex's sense of humour and Neil's unique ability to make a drum solo musical (when so many are just "I play fast!  I play loud!")
They were my treasure.  My own little secret of awesome, a trio of fantastic that no one else could ever truly understand the way I did  (LOL!  and look who all I'm telling, LOL!)  These men some how "got" me, though they never knew me.  Still they knew how to cheer me, lift my spirit, touch m heart, make me feel alive, and make me feel there's a reason to be!

Because of Rush, I discovered new friends (One of whom is now the closest person in my life, yes, in ways even closer than my sweet and awesome husband!)
With Rush (as well as my musical magician, freakin' love him...) I have let go of and made peace with and grown beyond my past.
Ever growing, ever healing, ever evolving into a place of Light and Hope and Beauty.

and how can you not love that?  :)


...
Holy crap, did anyone make it all the way through that rambling wall of text?  Wow!
Love y'all.  :hug2:

Edited by Garden Dancer, 18 May 2013 - 10:27 AM.


#74 Lorraine

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Posted 18 May 2013 - 11:47 AM

Garden Dancer, I lost myself in music too.  And my writing.  In my stories, I could be the person I wasn't in the real world.  Along with my short stories, I kept journals.  I had at least fifteen of them.  One day in the mid-eighties, a friend of mine told me to destroy them.  I did.  Just as well.  Who wants to remember what is better left forgotten.

At least you had someone to defend you at one point.  I never had that and have always had to fight my own battles most times looking like the lone loony.  The people I trusted and counted on the most betrayed me the worst.  They still do.

#75 Blue J

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Posted 18 May 2013 - 11:56 AM

Very cool that you decided to post all of that, GD- I'm glad you were encouraged enough to do so.

My story as I've been writing so far has focused on my brother who introduced me to Rush, when I was just a wee little one...chronologically, I've gotten up to my mid 20s in the story, and there's quit a bit more to say, I think.

So many of the stories I've read here so far remind me of my sister...amazing strength growing out of unspeakable tragedy, and a lifetime of trouble. You are all to be commended.

For all of us, really- the tremendous power of those three guys on the stage, or coming through our speakers, or just humming through our heads...

Again, how fortunate we all are.

#76 Garden Dancer

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Posted 18 May 2013 - 12:10 PM

View PostLorraine, on 18 May 2013 - 11:47 AM, said:

Garden Dancer, I lost myself in music too.  And my writing.  In my stories, I could be the person I wasn't in the real world.  Along with my short stories, I kept journals.  I had at least fifteen of them.  One day in the mid-eighties, a friend of mine told me to destroy them.  I did.  Just as well.  Who wants to remember what is better left forgotten.

At least you had someone to defend you at one point.  I never had that and have always had to fight my own battles most times looking like the lone loony.  The people I trusted and counted on the most betrayed me the worst.  They still do.
Oh man, writing.  Ha, you should see some of the wild and crazy stuff I've written!Creating another entire universe, where I make the rules!  Life is good in those other universes...

And d@mn, I wish everyone who ever needed, could have had a friend like mine.  She was a huge help, and she literally changed the way I thought about myself.
Having known her, I feel truly blessed.  Without her in my life, I don't know if I would have gotten through high school alive...

I don't even have the words, hon...  fighting the battles on your own...  That takes some serious guts and strength.!.
And if that makes you look like the loony, well then, I wanna be just as loony as you!

Rock on, sweet-heart.!.

#77 Lorraine

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Posted 18 May 2013 - 12:39 PM

Here.  I want to share with you the lyrics to a song that was sung by a group who were to me in the late sixties and early seventies what Rush is to many of you here.  Had Rush been well known back then, it may very well have been them who were my number one band.  Anyway,  I just listened to the album this song is from the other day.  Even though it came out in 1972, when I hear this song, especially the last verse, the tears flow.  I wish I could report that things have gotten better in my life, but I cannot.  The only thing that has changed is that I am older.  Much older.  And, at my age, you just don't care that much anymore.  I can't go back and start again.  I have to live with the shambles of a life that had so much promise.  Unfortunately, I won't find out the answer to many of my "Why?'s" until I die.  It won't matter then, but it will be nice to finally find out.

The lyrics:

Quote

Where is this place that we have found
Nobody knows where we are bound
I long to hear, I need to see
'Cause I've shed tears too many for me

But I'm never gonna lose your precious gift
It will always be that way
'Cause I know I'm going to find my peace of mind
Someday...

On the wind soaring free
Spread your wings
I'm beginning to see
Out of mind far from view
Beyond the reach of the nightmare come true


#78 GedsJeans

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Posted 18 May 2013 - 01:27 PM

Garden Dancer... wow. That was very difficult to read. Not due to any fault on your end (you are a beautiful, powerful writer), but because you suffered so deeply and for so long. My heart hurt so much for you throughout your entire story. Your descriptions of the cutting gave me cold chills and unpleasant deja vu. I've been there, my friend, and believe me... I know. :hug2: I'm glad that you've found your way out of the darkness.

Going back and rereading this thread, there is so much pain lying just beneath the surface of all of us here... but there is even more strength! We are a TOUGH bunch! Rush should be proud of us!!! :) I've never been more honored to find myself amongst such a steadfast and resilient bunch, men and women alike.

Lorraine, I'm extremely sorry about your journals. I make a living as a writer and I can't imagine the gut-wrenching pain of losing 15 journals worth of the outpourings from my soul. :( You and I are also part of the "Loser No One Ever Stood Up For" crowd. I used to get pounded on at school, everywhere from the gym locker room to the cafeteria to being jumped on my walk home. I remember one time getting a huge, bloody clump of my hair ripped off my scalp by this ENORMOUS girl named Michelle who wore pink lipstick with black lipliner. No one ever helped me, because I was a "little weirdo". Sometimes even the teachers were slow to intercede. I can't dwell on it too much because it makes my blood boil. The world is a cruel place. I understand, though, and I know your pain. :hug2:

Blue J, I would love to read your project. Maybe you could post it in segments here in the thread, or consecutively in another thread? If that doesn't work, maybe you could upload it somewhere as a Word document and then post the link?

Much love to all,
GJ :heart:

#79 Blue J

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Posted 19 May 2013 - 07:25 AM

GedsJeans, I just thought of that yesterday- I could post in multiple parts here (if you can all stand to read that much, hahaha). That is probably what I will end up doing. I'm going to make concerted effort to get the whole thing finished sometime this week.

On the subject of lost journals, I have some experience with that. I started writing some really dark (and really pretty bad) poetry when I was about 16 or 17...and I kept writing through college and into my mid 20s. And through that time, I got to be a better writer- I mean, there were a lot of things that I was really happy with. But in one of my moves between apartments, I lost two journals and an entire notebook full of poems that I had written between 1995 and '98. It's still upsetting to me, even now! And ever since then, I haven't been nearly as prolific. The muse only visits once in a very great while, anymore.

#80 Garden Dancer

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Posted 19 May 2013 - 06:32 PM

View PostGedsJeans, on 18 May 2013 - 01:27 PM, said:

Garden Dancer... wow. That was very difficult to read. Not due to any fault on your end (you are a beautiful, powerful writer), but because you suffered so deeply and for so long. My heart hurt so much for you throughout your entire story. Your descriptions of the cutting gave me cold chills and unpleasant deja vu. I've been there, my friend, and believe me... I know. :hug2: I'm glad that you've found your way out of the darkness.

Going back and rereading this thread, there is so much pain lying just beneath the surface of all of us here... but there is even more strength! We are a TOUGH bunch! Rush should be proud of us!!! :) I've never been more honored to find myself amongst such a steadfast and resilient bunch, men and women alike.


GJ :heart:
:hug2:  Hard to write, too.  Coz I have put those things behind me, but when I write it or tell it, I have to remember that I lived it, and remember the way it felt.  And there's a piece of me still at the core that still hurts, and is still scared.  That piece can never fully heal.  The most we can do is leave her in peace, leave her to sleep.

And, uhh, sorry for the chilling deja vu...  but I kind of couldn't help that.  How else can one convey the mind-set.?.  and the way, and the why of cutting...  Coz a lot of people don't really get why.  It is a form of control.  I take control of this pain.  When there is so much pain that is outside of your control, at least there is one thing that is in your own hands.  It's messed up, but that's what it was for me.

And yeah, we are a tough bunch!  Sometimes I think about it... the saying "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger"
And I can't help feeling (perhaps a bit like Neil Peart.?.)  "OK, but did I need to be this strong.?."  (seriously, that sounds like something he might say... must be a Virgo thing  LOL!)
I bet, if they ever saw this thread, they'd be proud.  I know I am.  I'm proud to be a Rush fan, proud of the strength I see in the rest of y'all.
:hug2:  :hug2:  :hug2:  :heart: :heart: :heart:  :hug2:  :hug2:  :hug2:

Edited by Garden Dancer, 19 May 2013 - 06:33 PM.





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