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Rush and the Broken People


GedsJeans
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The reason I am sooooo alone is just I can't talk so much,and that why I turn to Rush,Coldplay,

Geneisis,Pink Floyd & my sports:Toronto Blue Jays & Maple Leafs,and my books,so I just turn to these and escape from all the pain and sadness.

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The reason I am sooooo alone is just I can't talk so much,and that why I turn to Rush,Coldplay,

Geneisis,Pink Floyd & my sports:Toronto Blue Jays & Maple Leafs,and my books,so I just turn to these and escape from all the pain and sadness.

 

You are breaking my heart, girl.

 

:(

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The reason I am sooooo alone is just I can't talk so much,and that why I turn to Rush,Coldplay,

Geneisis,Pink Floyd & my sports:Toronto Blue Jays & Maple Leafs,and my books,so I just turn to these and escape from all the pain and sadness.

 

Always know that you are not alone. We are all here for each other. :heart:

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Wow, that was

Hi girls.

 

I've never posted on a Rush message board before. I've read them for years (this one much more than the others) but, for whatever reasons, just never decided to get my feet wet. After last night's phenomenal show at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, I decided to change that - even if only for a day. There are some things inside me that need to come out and I felt like this was the only place I could release them.

 

I'm a 31 year-old woman from NYC and a Rush fan since 2003. Last night marked my 14th Rush concert and my VIP package awarded me a great ticket right in front of the very man whose plaintive riffs stole my heart 10 years ago: Alex Lifeson. (I'm pretty small, so he never noticed me standing there gazing up at him with a potent cocktail of loving tears and adoration in my eyes, which was perhaps for the best. It was a very emotional night for me and getting any sort of eye contact from a member of Rush might have legitimately caused a fainting spell!)

 

I think that most Rush fans are, to an extent, somewhat broken and emotionally fragile people. Not ALL of them, obviously, but the more I meet and speak to at shows, and the more eyes I gaze into as I pass them in the hallways of concert venues, the more I believe that the 3 talented misfits who comprise Rush have managed to produce music that reaches into the hearts of every other misfit on the planet and pulls them into that warm and comforting nimbus where they know they will always be safe. And understood.

 

I am one of those broken people. I was an "accidental" child born to a mother who was violent and resentful. I was sexually abused by my father until I was in my teens and never told anyone. I was a compulsive cutter, a complete outcast in school who was abused verbally and physically. I had no social skills, grew up despising all other children and was terrified of men. For the most formative and important years of my life, I was such an introvert that something as simple as going grocery shopping gave me anxiety attacks. I spent the majority of my life feeling like I had no place on this earth. I felt unloved, unlovable, worthless, filthy, confused and full of a sadness so infinite that it sometimes felt like my heart was smothering in my chest. I had no interest in music, in hobbies, in dating. My only true joy was in painting, but because I lived on my own from an early age, I rarely had the money to buy decent art supplies. I was a lost and completely broken human being who was merely existing without living at all.

 

Anyone who tells you that music cannot change your entire life has obviously never been at the very end of their own rope, like I was.

 

I will never, ever forget the first time I heard Rush. Sitting on my bedroom floor in front of my stereo system on an overcast day in October, I stumbled onto Q104.3FM while station surfing. Suddenly, streaming out of my speakers in impossible, shimmering, twisting ecstasy came Alex Lifeson's Limelight solo. It pierced through my heart like an arrow and I remember an awe-struck, prickling sensation spreading fast as wildfire throughout my entire body. His guitar cried out in sorrow and my heart answered immediately in understanding. But then the notes that followed twisted and danced and spiralled off into the most nakedly honest and raw joy I'd ever heard. It felt like, in the space of only 30 seconds or so, he had told my own personal story and created a happy ending for me where there had been none. The euphoria and pure, delicately screaming joy of that final, spiralling note that he rides into oblivion awakened something inside me that I couldn't fully understand but never wanted to let go of. Alex had jump-started a heart that had been dead for nearly 2 decades. I had no idea who he was, I had no idea who the rest of the band was or even the name of the song. I only knew that if I could hear that sound again, that sparkling guitar full of hope and promise, that teeming wall of rapturous sound that wrapped around it, then somehow everything would be okay. That was the beginning of my love affair with Rush. They reached me in the most beautiful and profound way possible, at a time when nothing and no one else could.

 

I have never loved a band so much. I've never felt this way about music before, so consistently and for so long. I've never felt so deeply connected to 3 people I don't even know. I've never felt that I owed SO MUCH to a group of complete strangers. As they played The Garden last night, I reflected on all of this and broke down and cried. Right there in front of me, a mere 15 feet away, were the men who had saved my life and they didn't even know it. They would NEVER know it. I doubt they realize just how much the fruits of their livelihood affect the lives of those who hear it, how significant they are to the lost and hurting who stumble across their music. I'm still a broken person, but Rush was the bandage that helped me begin to heal. They were my rainbow in a life of nothing but clouds. I can only hope to God that they know how special they are. I often wish that I could meet them and just hug them and tell them "thank you", but it would never be enough. For what they have given to me, for what they have given to us all, there is no hug long or tight enough and there can never be enough "thank you"s.

 

As The Garden wound softly to a close last night and the boys retreated for a short break, I thought about the lyrics. "In the fullness of time, a garden to nurture and protect". Whether Rush realizes it or not, we all are their garden to nurture and protect.... and they have done a damn fine job.

 

So to all the other misfits out there... to all of you who, like me, have found solace or love or hope or healing in the music of these 3 wonderful men... my heart is with you, I understand and I raise a glass today to you, to Rush, to new beginnings, to the strength to carry on despite all odds and to the camaraderie that exists within this incredibly unique fanbase.

 

If anyone made it through this entire message, thank you from the bottom of my heart for obliging me. :') And most of all, thank you RUSH!!!

 

<3

Wow, that is amongst the most heart touching things that I have ever read! You are the ultimate Rush fan!!! :haz: :rush: :haz: :rose:
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The reason I am sooooo alone is just I can't talk so much,and that why I turn to Rush,Coldplay,

Geneisis,Pink Floyd & my sports:Toronto Blue Jays & Maple Leafs,and my books,so I just turn to these and escape from all the pain and sadness.

I am so sorry you feel pain and sadness. :(

 

You are not alone, though it may feel that way at times. :heart: :hug2:

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The reason I am sooooo alone is just I can't talk so much,and that why I turn to Rush,Coldplay,

Geneisis,Pink Floyd & my sports:Toronto Blue Jays & Maple Leafs,and my books,so I just turn to these and escape from all the pain and sadness.

 

We share the Blue Jays and Maple Leafs! :heart:

:hug2:

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Hi peeps. :) Gosh, you all are amazing people. Thank you again for responding so warmly to a post that I was so scared about making! I'm going to try to respond as much as I can and hope I don't miss too much!! I can't get online too often because of my work schedule so it's hard for me to sit down and write lengthy stuff.

 

Mika wondered why so many broken people and misfits are attracted to Rush and that's something I've often thought about, too. For me, the initial attracting factor was the combination of guitar and vocals (although the alarmingly complex, bubbling, underlying rhythms were quick to grab up their own big chunk of the spotlight). Lerxst has a way of speaking directly to broken hearts. I've never encountered another guitarist who could just GRAB me, not by the ears alone but fully by the heart, and make me ache with such candid pain and joy. I love the way he can paint dark and somber atmospheres and then shatter them with light and mirth. His playing is consistently full of hope and celebration. His guitar seems to have moments where it can't help itself but to cry out in ecstasy just from being in his hands. He'll jump up to variegated high notes that gambol and glitter after swimming through murky lower tides and even through any darkness created, you never lose hope. Alex always brings you back to the light. To people like me, who lived a lot of their lives in darkness and despair, that is a VITAL thing.

 

Lorraine said that he seems like a very emotional person and I agree. How could he not be, with the way he plays the guitar? Geddy strikes me as being an extremely emotional man as well, but very reserved about it. Alex, I think, would be more emotionally volatile and prone to outbursts both positive and negative. His style of playing reveals that to me quite plainly and it is the perfect temperament for a guitarist. I think you need that tempestuousness to be able to convey raw and naked, unashamed human emotion through your music.

 

Geddy Lee's voice was the other enormous attracting factor for me (and I'm going to leave out talking about Neil, not because I don't love him and his craft - he is THE BEST -, but because I think he'd hate being scrutinized and gushed over in a post of this nature). I'm not sure how many other men and women will be able to relate to my most prominent reason for falling in love with Geddy's vocals, but it was the ethereal, asexual and unthreatening nature of his voice that appealed to and soothed me right away. And when I say "unthreatening", I don't mean that his range is unintimidating (phsaw!) or that his delivery of emotion is somehow "less than" (phsaw again!)... I mean that he did not have that overt, in-your-face, brute sexuality that frontmen like Robert Plant, Roger Daltry and Mick Jagger had. That frightened me and put me off the music. A LOT. Geddy did not have that dangerous, sex-obsessed persona that made my blood run cold. There is an innocence in his voice and presence that mingles with the coiled-spring-like power and energy. His voice is alarming but charming. It makes me feel safe. There's a sweetness to it, a gentleness mixed with a tiny bit of endearing arrogance, and when he really lets go, he can raise every hair on your body with his emotion.

 

And he's adorable. They all are. They are such sweet-looking, unthreatening people. Alex with his mega-watt smile and Geddy with his head full of bouncy curls, Neil with his cheeky grin. They are normal-looking, adorable men... who are also obvious misfits. That is the biggest part of their charm as people. We KNOW that they are misfits, just like we are. And yet, look how far they've come. Look at these 3 guys who had a really rough time in school and were bullied and had difficult childhoods and never really fit in... and then look at how they've overcome it all. Here they are, living their dreams and making music that seeks out every suffering person who needs it most and envelopes them in hope and joy.

 

We all love Rush for different reasons and all of us have suffered differently in our pasts... but what remains, and what ties us all inextricably together, is the fact that Rush has healed us somehow. I stopped cutting when I discovered Rush. I literally just stopped. There was no rough transitory period. There was no fallback. The desire to hurt myself because I was drowning in bad memories and loneliness and misery was not there anymore. My life was filled with a seemingly-endless supply of beautiful new music ready to be discovered, from a band that had made me feel ALIVE and SANE for the first time in a long, long time.

 

GOD BLESS RUSH!!!!!

 

 

"Some of my most cherished moments at Rush concerts have been among the crowd when a stranger's eyes randomly meet mine, and without exchanging a word we each recognise something life-affirming and essential that we share." -GeddysMullet

 

I've had that exact experience, too, and you know what? I've never had it at any other concert for any other band. It's a big part of the reason that I believe that many Rush fans are "broken" in a very unique way. :finbar: :heart:

 

 

Gangsterfurious... where to begin? Your story was crushing to read. There was a lot in there that I identify with and a lot that I'm grateful that I haven't had to identify with in my life. You're an incredibly strong woman and I'm glad that you've been able to grow and to find love. Like you, I carry a huge amount of residual shame that will probably haunt me until the day I die. I am not currently able to move on from the abuse in my past enough to ever be in a relationship (and will probably be single until the day I die), but it warms my heart to know that someone who has suffered similarly has gone on to get married and trust again! Congrats on that, and on overcoming everything else you've been through! All that we can really do is to try to appreciate what we have every day: life, love, friends, music, animals. Like you, I feel incredibly blessed to be part of the Rush fanbase where I know there are hundreds of other people like me who know what it's like to be on the outside, hurting, looking in. :hug2:

 

Liana... I've been there, too, and I'm so sorry. Can you imagine what all of our lives would be like without the saving grace of music in devastating moments like those? I've been alone and crying in my bathroom in the past, too, and it was always music that calmed me down and wrapped my hurting heart in band-aids. Mission (did you know that song is Geddy's favorite to play??) is an incredibly uplifting and inspiring song. I love how it rushes along on an urgent and optimistic current before Alex soars in and really saves the day with that beautiful solo. He is the king of bleeding heart riffs that can literally mend everything that's wrong in your world. The closing of Marathon, Xanadu and the solo in Closer to the Heart are some other "saving grace" moments for me, too. The full list is waaaay too long to name! :) :hug2:

 

MMCXII... thank you so much for your sweetness and support and, silly as it may sound, thank you for saying that you need me here. Without turning this into a pity party, no one has ever said that they needed me before and it was just... one of the nicest feelings I've ever been given. Thank you. :hug2:

 

RushFlyer2112... I don't know you, but I do understand your loneliness. I think that we have both found homes here and please know that you can talk to me (and I'm sure, everyone else here!) whenever you want. I am only a message away! :wub:

 

JohnnyBlaze, Blue J, Babycat, Garden Dancer, Sheldon Cooper, MMCXII, Lorraine, librarian, Mika, RushFlyer2112, GeddysMullet, EagleMoon, ReGorLaTroy, Amy Farrah Fowler, Mara, CygnusGal, gangsterfurious, Liana, frippy, snowdogged and anyone else I may have missed (sorry!)... you sweet, wonderful, supportive, amazing human beings with very obviously-superior taste in music (LOL)... thank you for making my first foray into message board posting such a heart-warming experience. Thank you for sharing your stories and feelings with me.. I'm welling up again now, so I'm going to go.... but I'm so glad to have met all of you. Stay strong and stay wonderful!!!! And Lorraine, I talked to Manhattan this morning and she says she really misses you, too. Come visit sometime. :D

 

Rush on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Edited for crummy spelling!

Edited by GedsJeans
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Hi peeps. :) Gosh, you all are amazing people. Thank you again for responding so warmly to a post that I was so scared about making! I'm going to try to respond as much as I can and hope I don't miss too much!! I can't get online too often because of my work schedule so it's hard for me to sit down and write lengthy stuff.

 

Mika wondered why so many broken people and misfits are attracted to Rush and that's something I've often thought about, too. For me, the initial attracting factor was the combination of guitar and vocals (although the alarmingly complex, bubbling, underlying rhythms were quick to grab up their own big chunk of the spotlight). Lerxst has a way of speaking directly to broken hearts. I've never encountered another guitarist who could just GRAB me, not by the ears alone but fully by the heart, and make me ache with such candid pain and joy. I love the way he can paint dark and somber atmospheres and then shatter them with light and mirth. His playing is consistently full of hope and celebration. His guitar seems to have moments where it can't help itself but to cry out in ecstasy just from being in his hands. He'll jump up to variegated high notes that gambol and glitter after swimming through murky lower tides and even through any darkness created, you never lose hope. Alex always brings you back to the light. To people like me, who lived a lot of their lives in darkness and despair, that is a VITAL thing.

 

Lorraine said that he seems like a very emotional person and I agree. How could he not be, with the way he plays the guitar? Geddy strikes me as being an extremely emotional man as well, but very reserved about it. Alex, I think, would be more emotionally volatile and prone to outbursts both positive and negative. His style of playing reveals that to me quite plainly and it is the perfect temperament for a guitarist. I think you need that tempestuousness to be able to convey raw and naked, unashamed human emotion through your music.

 

Geddy Lee's voice was the other enormous attracting factor for me (and I'm going to leave out talking about Neil, not because I don't love him and his craft - he is THE BEST -, but because I think he'd hate being scrutinized and gushed over in a post of this nature). I'm not sure how many other men and women will be able to relate to my most prominent reason for falling in love with Geddy's vocals, but it was the ethereal, asexual and unthreatening nature of his voice that appealed to and soothed me right away. And when I say "unthreatening", I don't mean that his range is unintimidating (phsaw!) or that his delivery of emotion is somehow "less than" (phsaw again!)... I mean that he did not have that overt, in-your-face, brute sexuality that frontmen like Robert Plant, Roger Daltry and Mick Jagger had. That frightened me and put me off the music. A LOT. Geddy did not have that dangerous, sex-obsessed persona that made my blood run cold. There is an innocence in his voice and presence that mingles with the coiled-spring-like power and energy. His voice is alarming but charming. It makes me feel safe. There's a sweetness to it, a gentleness mixed with a tiny bit of endearing arrogance, and when he really lets go, he can raise every hair on your body with his emotion.

 

And he's adorable. They all are. They are such sweet-looking, unthreatening people. Alex with his mega-watt smile and Geddy with his head full of bouncy curls, Neil with his cheeky grin. They are normal-looking, adorable men... who are also obvious misfits. That is the biggest part of their charm as people. We KNOW that they are misfits, just like we are. And yet, look how far they've come. Look at these 3 guys who had a really rough time in school and were bullied and had difficult childhoods and never really fit in... and then look at how they've overcome it all. Here they are, living their dreams and making music that seeks out every suffering person who needs it most and envelopes them in hope and joy.

 

We all love Rush for different reasons and all of us have suffered differently in our pasts... but what remains, and what ties us all inextricably together, is the fact that Rush has healed us somehow. I stopped cutting when I discovered Rush. I literally just stopped. There was no rough transitory period. There was no fallback. The desire to hurt myself because I was drowning in bad memories and loneliness and misery was not there anymore. My life was filled with a seemingly-endless supply of beautiful new music ready to be discovered, from a band that had made me feel ALIVE and SANE for the first time in a long, long time.

 

GOD BLESS RUSH!!!!!

 

 

"Some of my most cherished moments at Rush concerts have been among the crowd when a stranger's eyes randomly meet mine, and without exchanging a word we each recognise something life-affirming and essential that we share." -GeddysMullet

 

I've had that exact experience, too, and you know what? I've never had it at any other concert for any other band. It's a big part of the reason that I believe that many Rush fans are "broken" in a very unique way. :finbar: :heart:

 

 

Gangsterfurious... where to begin? Your story was crushing to read. There was a lot in there that I identify with and a lot that I'm grateful that I haven't had to identify with in my life. You're an incredibly strong woman and I'm glad that you've been able to grow and to find love. Like you, I carry a huge amount of residual shame that will probably haunt me until the day I die. I am not currently able to move on from the abuse in my past enough to ever be in a relationship (and will probably be single until the day I die), but it warms my heart to know that someone who has suffered similarly has gone on to get married and trust again! Congrats on that, and on overcoming everything else you've been through! All that we can really do is to try to appreciate what we have every day: life, love, friends, music, animals. Like you, I feel incredibly blessed to be part of the Rush fanbase where I know there are hundreds of other people like me who know what it's like to be on the outside, hurting, looking in. :hug2:

 

Liana... I've been there, too, and I'm so sorry. Can you imagine what all of our lives would be like without the saving grace of music in devastating moments like those? I've been alone and crying in my bathroom in the past, too, and it was always music that calmed me down and wrapped my hurting heart in band-aids. Mission (did you know that song is Geddy's favorite to play??) is an incredibly uplifting and inspiring song. I love how it rushes along on an urgent and optimistic current before Alex soars in and really saves the day with that beautiful solo. He is the king of bleeding heart riffs that can literally mend everything that's wrong in your world. The closing of Marathon, Xanadu and the solo in Closer to the Heart are some other "saving grace" moments for me, too. The full list is waaaay too long to name! :) :hug2:

 

MMCXII... thank you so much for your sweetness and support and, silly as it may sound, thank you for saying that you need me here. Without turning this into a pity party, no one has ever said that they needed me before and it was just... one of the nicest feelings I've ever been given. Thank you. :hug2:

 

RushFlyer2112... I don't know you, but I do understand your loneliness. I think that we have both found homes here and please know that you can talk to me (and I'm sure, everyone else here!) whenever you want. I am only a message away! :wub:

 

JohnnyBlaze, Blue J, Babycat, Garden Dancer, Sheldon Cooper, MMCXII, Lorraine, librarian, Mika, RushFlyer2112, GeddysMullet, EagleMoon, ReGorLaTroy, Amy Farrah Fowler, Mara, CygnusGal, gangsterfurious, Liana, frippy, snowdogged and anyone else I may have missed (sorry!)... you sweet, wonderful, supportive, amazing human beings with very obviously-superior taste in music (LOL)... thank you for making my first foray into message board posting such a heart-warming experience. Thank you for sharing your stories and feelings with me.. I'm welling up again now, so I'm going to go.... but I'm so glad to have met all of you. Stay strong and stay wonderful!!!! And Lorraine, I talked to Manhattan this morning and she says she really misses you, too. Come visit sometime. :D

 

Rush on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Edited for crummy spelling!

 

you're so kind.. yw :hug2:

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Y'all, this thread...

I've not gone from tears to uplifted so much, so many times!

Half of me wants to share, but the other half is saying, "No, coz Rush didn't enter the picture 'til way later..." (though they have been a huge part of the ongoing healing...) LOL.

 

Thanks GedsJeans. This thread you started is just the best. A perfect reminder, too, of how freakin' awesome Rush fans are!

 

I'm out of time for the moment,

But I just had to say I love y'all so much!

Rush On, you wonderful peeps!

:heart: :heart: :hug2: :heart: :heart:

Edited by Garden Dancer
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A perfect reminder, too, of how freakin' awesome Rush fans are!

 

Oh we are the best, aren't we??? :coy: No wonder why they always mention us in their interviews. Has anyone else here noticed how often we are brought up? I have. :)

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Geddy Lee's voice was the other enormous attracting factor for me (and I'm going to leave out talking about Neil, not because I don't love him and his craft - he is THE BEST -, but because I think he'd hate being scrutinized and gushed over in a post of this nature). I'm not sure how many other men and women will be able to relate to my most prominent reason for falling in love with Geddy's vocals, but it was the ethereal, asexual and unthreatening nature of his voice that appealed to and soothed me right away. And when I say "unthreatening", I don't mean that his range is unintimidating (phsaw!) or that his delivery of emotion is somehow "less than" (phsaw again!)... I mean that he did not have that overt, in-your-face, brute sexuality that frontmen like Robert Plant, Roger Daltry and Mick Jagger had. That frightened me and put me off the music. A LOT. Geddy did not have that dangerous, sex-obsessed persona that made my blood run cold. There is an innocence in his voice and presence that mingles with the coiled-spring-like power and energy. His voice is alarming but charming. It makes me feel safe. There's a sweetness to it, a gentleness mixed with a tiny bit of endearing arrogance, and when he really lets go, he can raise every hair on your body with his emotion.

 

And he's adorable. They all are. They are such sweet-looking, unthreatening people. Alex with his mega-watt smile and Geddy with his head full of bouncy curls, Neil with his cheeky grin. They are normal-looking, adorable men... who are also obvious misfits. That is the biggest part of their charm as people. We KNOW that they are misfits, just like we are. And yet, look how far they've come. Look at these 3 guys who had a really rough time in school and were bullied and had difficult childhoods and never really fit in... and then look at how they've overcome it all. Here they are, living their dreams and making music that seeks out every suffering person who needs it most and envelopes them in hope and joy.

 

 

You hit the nail on the head!

 

I love Robert Plant but that over-sexed gyrating thing he has (had) going on is a bit much.

 

I like that none of the members of the band ever act like women are just around to be groupies and to have sex with. I have a hard time being a female fan of any band known for their less than stellar treatment of women.

 

When I hear Geddy sing I feel like this big hand is coming down and petting me in a sense. I don't know how else to explain it. And yeah, he does his little butt wiggle but it's more cute than that in-your-face sort of thing that others do.

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I like that none of the members of the band ever act like women are just around to be groupies and to have sex with. I have a hard time being a female fan of any band known for their less than stellar treatment of women.

 

When I hear Geddy sing I feel like this big hand is coming down and petting me in a sense. I don't know how else to explain it. And yeah, he does his little butt wiggle but it's more cute than that in-your-face sort of thing that others do.

Gangster, I know what you mean about his voice. I wouldn't feel threatened in his presence. He is the type of man I would love to have as a best friend.

 

You didn't mention Roger Daltry, but GedsJeans did. I never thought of his voice on the same level as Robert Plant. I don't know for certain, but I think Geddys Mullet would agree with me. The Who's Quadrophenia got me through yet another in a long line of tough times in my life. There was no Rush in 1974 (well, there was Rush - but who knew?????).

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Garden Dancer, please share! That's what this thread is here for... to share and bond with other Rush fans and to help us feel like we're not alone in the difficult things we've gone through. I shared my story, rough as it was, and it has actually been very liberating. A couple of the things that I mentioned, I've actually never spoken aloud to anyone before. It does help to get it out. :hug2:

 

gangsterfurious... I love the butt wiggle. The butt wiggle combined with the hair swing is mesmerizing! :D

 

Lorraine... I'm sorry if my comment made it seem as though I didn't like The Who/Roger Daltry (Quadrophenia is incredible), Led Zep or The Stones. It's more that the rough, brash, often highly-sexual male personas of the lead singers scared me. Geddy's playful sweetness is in such sharp contrast that it makes the aforestated others seem almost ridiculous to me. I don't mean any disrespect to any of them when I say that... just my opinion. In my eyes, Geddy is pure class, a gentleman and seems like someone who has respect for women. :wub:

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Lorraine... I'm sorry if my comment made it seem as though I didn't like The Who/Roger Daltry (Quadrophenia is incredible), Led Zep or The Stones. It's more that the rough, brash, often highly-sexual male personas of the lead singers scared me. Geddy's playful sweetness is in such sharp contrast that it makes the aforestated others seem almost ridiculous to me. I don't mean any disrespect to any of them when I say that... just my opinion. In my eyes, Geddy is pure class, a gentleman and seems like someone who has respect for women.

 

GJ, I wasn't offended at all. I go back with The Who from the beginning as I was born the same year that rock 'n roll was. Things were very different back then. I wish I was able to explain it to you, but I cannot. I never went beyond the music back then to the person behind the voice or instrument. I didn't care. The music saved me. That was all that mattered. Today with the internet that has all changed.

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Geddy Lee's voice was the other enormous attracting factor for me (and I'm going to leave out talking about Neil, not because I don't love him and his craft - he is THE BEST -, but because I think he'd hate being scrutinized and gushed over in a post of this nature). I'm not sure how many other men and women will be able to relate to my most prominent reason for falling in love with Geddy's vocals, but it was the ethereal, asexual and unthreatening nature of his voice that appealed to and soothed me right away. And when I say "unthreatening", I don't mean that his range is unintimidating (phsaw!) or that his delivery of emotion is somehow "less than" (phsaw again!)... I mean that he did not have that overt, in-your-face, brute sexuality that frontmen like Robert Plant, Roger Daltry and Mick Jagger had. That frightened me and put me off the music. A LOT. Geddy did not have that dangerous, sex-obsessed persona that made my blood run cold. There is an innocence in his voice and presence that mingles with the coiled-spring-like power and energy. His voice is alarming but charming. It makes me feel safe. There's a sweetness to it, a gentleness mixed with a tiny bit of endearing arrogance, and when he really lets go, he can raise every hair on your body with his emotion.

 

And he's adorable. They all are. They are such sweet-looking, unthreatening people. Alex with his mega-watt smile and Geddy with his head full of bouncy curls, Neil with his cheeky grin. They are normal-looking, adorable men... who are also obvious misfits. That is the biggest part of their charm as people. We KNOW that they are misfits, just like we are. And yet, look how far they've come. Look at these 3 guys who had a really rough time in school and were bullied and had difficult childhoods and never really fit in... and then look at how they've overcome it all. Here they are, living their dreams and making music that seeks out every suffering person who needs it most and envelopes them in hope and joy.

 

 

You hit the nail on the head!

 

I love Robert Plant but that over-sexed gyrating thing he has (had) going on is a bit much.

 

I like that none of the members of the band ever act like women are just around to be groupies and to have sex with. I have a hard time being a female fan of any band known for their less than stellar treatment of women.

 

When I hear Geddy sing I feel like this big hand is coming down and petting me in a sense. I don't know how else to explain it. And yeah, he does his little butt wiggle but it's more cute than that in-your-face sort of thing that others do.

 

I think they are all attractive in a sense because they seem safe, nice guys. Like guys who know how to treat a woman. I'm very lucky that my husband is like that...and yes, my hubby knows about my crush on Alex. Its okay because I know about his crush on Maria Bartiromo. :D

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I do understand, Lorraine. And no worries. :) I'm actually pretty sure that, had my past not been what it was, to the extent that it was, I wouldn't be overly concerned with muscians' backstories and behavior. The music IS what is most important. However, I'm still super-grateful that our boys seem like such stand up guys! :wub:
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I do understand, Lorraine. And no worries. :) I'm actually pretty sure that, had my past not been what it was, to the extent that it was, I wouldn't be overly concerned with muscians' backstories and behavior. The music IS what is most important. However, I'm still super-grateful that our boys seem like such stand up guys! :wub:

 

To tell you the truth, I wouldn't be here on this forum if they weren't what they are. That is the truth. I was impressed by their nonconformity. I was impressed they weren't like the rest. They were different. They weren't sluts. I read an interview that told of once when they were at some kind of function and, instead of joining in the insanity with the other rock musicians that were there, they were all in their room reading books. I said to myself, "My kind of men!!"

 

And here I am. ;)

Edited by Lorraine
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Garden Dancer, please share! That's what this thread is here for... to share and bond with other Rush fans and to help us feel like we're not alone in the difficult things we've gone through. I shared my story, rough as it was, and it has actually been very liberating. A couple of the things that I mentioned, I've actually never spoken aloud to anyone before.

 

I know this thread was originally directed at women, but there have been replies of all kinds, from a lot of different people here. I had started working on my own story as the result of a different thread very shortly before this one appeared. It's going to be too long to post on the board, though, so I'm wondering how everyone will get to read it (I've written about five pages so far and I'm still getting through it, so some editing might be in order- but then I don't really want to edit it at all, you know?). I'll figure it out, though.

 

Rush has been the most important band in my lifetime, and they've been the most positive influence on me, out of all the music I've ever been into.

 

Be well, all. And keep talking, and listening, and...all that! :)

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Garden Dancer, please share! That's what this thread is here for... to share and bond with other Rush fans and to help us feel like we're not alone in the difficult things we've gone through.

 

gangsterfurious... I love the butt wiggle. The butt wiggle combined with the hair swing is mesmerizing! :D

 

 

OK, but first I must address the butt wiggle/hair swing combo...http://www.4smileys.com/smileys/love-smileys/smitten2.gif http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j219/pop-girl/smilies%20n%20stuff/faint_smiley_33014066.gif Coz that has got to be one of the finest, most beautiful things that has ever been seen... ever! That Ged... :wub: I adore watching him! I mean, it's always the music first. That's what hit me first. But dang, watching those guys, particularly Ged... Makes me such a happy, happy girl http://www.4smileys.com/smileys/love-smileys/smitten2.gif

 

 

 

...

So for me... It started so early. Too early. At three years, you're still supposed to be able to trust people. But trust is a very fragile thing, and once it's been shattered, it's never quite the same. And mine was shattered at three. One twisted babysitter, quite skilled in the art of fear. She would ... I won't go into the ugly details, suffice to say she was a sick b**ch. And she would then tell me that if I ever told anyone, she'd come and get my dog/friends/parents/*fill-in-the-blank*. And of course the usual "no one will believe you, anyway" B.S.

Now this kind of crap is waaaay more than what a three year old can handle! So one develops some ... unique coping and escape mechanisms.

When we moved away... it was the greatest day in my life!

But the scars she created were too much. I still had trouble trusting, I was scared to get close to anyone (coz she might add them to her hit list, if she thought I ever told on her...)... Little things that didn't bother anyone else affected me deeply, I seemed forever on the fringe and half a beat behind everyone else. So I had precious few people I considered 'friends'... but even them, I wouldn't let them get too close. I had built a wall, and no one was getting in! Not to the core. No one gets that close. Not again. Any minor bump in a friendship was magnified to a huge betrayal, and only served to justify my distance. And built another layer to my wall (now become quite the elaborate fortress!)

Now, other kids notice the wounded. And the odd-ball, the wounded, the quiet kid that walls herself off, she becomes the perfect target for teasing, harassing, bullying.

And... even with a fortress to protect yourself, you still get stung by the constant, daily attacks. Might even believe that you're stupid and worthless and crazy and too weird.

By middle school, I was too good at wearing the mask. I'd wear it all day, and only let it drop when I got home after school. I had discovered the insane joy of blasting a record at full volume and dancing myself to utter exhaustion. *I was a 'latchkey kid', so no parents to tell me to turn it down, for a few precious hours LOL!*

 

Music. My records. My perfect escape, the only thing that I would allow to touch the deep heart of me. There was something magical about music. How it could pull me outside of myself and soothe over the wounds that no one else knew about. Cry with me the pain, smooth the ruffled soul, then swing me up into an ecstatic joy that nothing else could ever match. Music, one particular singer, (not yet our boys, I only had that joy once, at 9, in the car, then not again until... like... 21.!.) I would loose myself in the music, though. Oh he was my best friend, the one who I could trust completely. He was my fantasy love, my mega-crush, my savior, my everything. And it was the one thing that was mine I didn't share with my counselor, I didn't let on to my friends just how the music felt, never told my parents anything... the music was my thing. And no one was going to take it from me, no one was going to know how much it meant to me. It was MINE.

 

Now, if I thought elementary and middle school were hard... *pfft* High school was hell's nightmare! I was more withdrawn, I was further behind everyone else, and the teasing and bullying was getting worse by the day. My body never felt right from one day to the next, my brain didn't seem to learn the way everyone else did, I felt like I was getting singled out by teachers, left out of d@mn near everything... the only thing left that meant anything to me was my music. And sometimes, even it wasn't quite strong enough. I'd dance myself sick, then bury any remaining emotion under junk food. (Oh yeah, that was freakin' healthy for me... *eye roll*)

One light. There was one glorious light in high school. She saw the torture. She couldn't tolerate it. And she stood up.

For me.

For ... me?

WTF??? Why was this awesomely cool, intimidating, wonderful person wasting her time defending me?!?

Oh, I'd seen her around, and I envied her style and grace and strength. She took no sh!t, she was strong and defiant and cool. In a way I could never be. She was beautiful and yet she intimidated the hell outta me. She was amazing to me, but I was always too afraid to approach. She wouldn't want to even acknowledge me... And yet, there she was, telling off all those others, defending me.!. Standing up for me! This was something I couldn't quite process... someone that freakin' cool thought I was worth defending??? More than that, she actually wanted to get to know me, after that!?!

She helped me through a lot of crap. And being friends with her, made me kind of "cool-by-proxy".

 

But there was still a lot of stuff stirring around, memories I had squashed coming back in an angry stew, re-kindling some fears causing such internal pain that I couldn't seem to squelch ... even with the music, it was getting too hard.

I started cutting, and that... strange as it may sound, was a sort of... (warped) release? Something. It was a pain, but it was one that I was controlling. It was another way to hide from and bury the other pain. And somehow, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would... Taking control of the blade and making the cuts... as deep as I wanted, in a pattern that I wanted, sometimes even felt "good" (yes, I said warped. I was dealing with some really deep mental sh!t, here...) And some of it, I'm sure, was the endorphin release after the fact...

Music started to take a back seat. The cutting was a weird new way to deal.

My friend saw the scars one time, and I could see how scared and upset she was, but I was already drifting toward a much darker place.

I tried to step away from the edge. For a while, I was doing better...

But... then we moved again.

With all the crap that I was dealing with already, now we're moving? Well F**k.

Shut down. If there's too much to deal with, then just shut it all the f**k down.

There was nothing good any more, anyway. So why bother? Just go robotic through the motions, each day blurred into the next, touched by and touching nothing. Coz it's all rotten in the end. So f**k it all.

And... if we're gonna say f**k it all, anyway... if there's no point to anything any more, if it's all just sh!t in the end, why even go on?

Suicide was dangerously attractive. I was too d@mn close.

But there was something...I still don't know what it was... Something that said "Whoa! wait a sec!"

A hesitation, then, from out of the blue, I hit the 'play' button on the tape deck. A last second, maybe desperate attempt at ... something...

And he was there. My first crush, my musical savior. My closest friend... his voice singing a gorgeous ballad...

And it did it. Something inside woke again to his voice and ... the dam broke!

I wept for the longest time, the flood of emotions I had blocked, just pouring from my heart and tears

I cried until I couldn't cry any more, then it struck me how absurd that seemed, and I started to laugh. And I laughed like a freakin' maniac. And the laughing was so funny sounding, that it fed into more laughing. And it went on until the pendulum swung again, and I cried another release...

It was so weird, the wide swing between laughing and crying, and through it all, feeling more and more relief with each wave.

Going on until I was just so exhausted, I just ... "slept" isn't quite the right word, but I hadn't quite passed out. I just kind of collapsed into a kind of 'semi-sleep' state. I just had to stop, LOL...

It was a hard road back, many days I had to kick my own @ss outta bed and find something, anything to convince myself to keep going.

But this time I kept that music by my side (and in my ears) as my ally once again. And a new musical hero. A new beautiful man who took me to beautiful places. I'd heard him once before, but I had this new appreciation after that close call...

I moved again, because of a guy. That didn't work, and I lived unsettled... day-to-day, couch-hopping with friends (what I call now my "Gypsy Days", whatever! LOL...)

With my music.

Always.

Moved in with another man (and married him!!!http://www.4smileys.com/smileys/love-smileys/smitten2.gif)

And then heard... this song...

The same one I heard when I was just 9...

And it was Geddy.

Singing with a strength that excited and thrilled me, brought me to a happy feeling, and I was HOOKED!

Still struggling with depression (it's an ongoing thing, you can too easily find yourself with those old thoughts and patterns... and you gotta keep on fighting...)

But now the awesome power of Rush in my personal arsenal against those dangerous places!

 

Strong as my first musical hero, strong as my second beautiful musical magician, Rush was pulling me into a very good place. I felt a connection with the music, I felt a sort of connection with the musicians as I learned more and more about them. Lyrics that spoke to me, lyrics that could have been ripped from my diary, if I kept one. Lyrics that lifted me up and cheered me on and helped me feel ever more whole.

Add to all that, Geddy's smile and Alex's sense of humour and Neil's unique ability to make a drum solo musical (when so many are just "I play fast! I play loud!")

They were my treasure. My own little secret of awesome, a trio of fantastic that no one else could ever truly understand the way I did (LOL! and look who all I'm telling, LOL!) These men some how "got" me, though they never knew me. Still they knew how to cheer me, lift my spirit, touch m heart, make me feel alive, and make me feel there's a reason to be!

 

Because of Rush, I discovered new friends (One of whom is now the closest person in my life, yes, in ways even closer than my sweet and awesome husband!)

With Rush (as well as my musical magician, freakin' love him...) I have let go of and made peace with and grown beyond my past.

Ever growing, ever healing, ever evolving into a place of Light and Hope and Beauty.

 

and how can you not love that? :)

 

 

...

Holy crap, did anyone make it all the way through that rambling wall of text? Wow!

Love y'all. :hug2:

Edited by Garden Dancer
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Garden Dancer, I lost myself in music too. And my writing. In my stories, I could be the person I wasn't in the real world. Along with my short stories, I kept journals. I had at least fifteen of them. One day in the mid-eighties, a friend of mine told me to destroy them. I did. Just as well. Who wants to remember what is better left forgotten.

 

At least you had someone to defend you at one point. I never had that and have always had to fight my own battles most times looking like the lone loony. The people I trusted and counted on the most betrayed me the worst. They still do.

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Very cool that you decided to post all of that, GD- I'm glad you were encouraged enough to do so.

 

My story as I've been writing so far has focused on my brother who introduced me to Rush, when I was just a wee little one...chronologically, I've gotten up to my mid 20s in the story, and there's quit a bit more to say, I think.

 

So many of the stories I've read here so far remind me of my sister...amazing strength growing out of unspeakable tragedy, and a lifetime of trouble. You are all to be commended.

 

For all of us, really- the tremendous power of those three guys on the stage, or coming through our speakers, or just humming through our heads...

 

Again, how fortunate we all are.

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