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Rush and the Broken People


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#241 GedsJeans

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Posted 24 January 2017 - 09:18 AM

View PostLorraine, on 07 May 2016 - 04:46 PM, said:

I wonder whatever happened to GedsJeans?  I wrote to her a few times and she never answered.  I know she wrote here in one post that she was/is a borderline personality.  Hope she is alright.  This thread will already be three years old in a few short days.  I think it was a Saturday that she came here and started this thread.  

If you are reading this GJ, thinking of and truly hoping all is well with you.  :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

I'm alive. It was someone else in the thread who'd written that they were borderline personality. I have PTSD and struggled with depression and cutting. I'm still trundling along, but Rush's retirement hit me really hard. The 3 of them deserve a wonderful, happy, relaxing retirement, though, and I hope they enjoy every moment of it. They are my angels.

I'm sorry for not being able to respond to the many messages people sent me over the years. I got overwhelmed with trying to be a supportive friend to dozens of people at the same time who were all sharing their life stories with me. It wasn't that I didn't care; it was that I cared TOO much and felt terrible when I wasn't able to give everyone the attention and responses they deserved... so I sort of disappeared in shame and stopped signing into my account. :facepalm:

I saw Rush front-row 3 times before their retirement over the last handful of years. One time I was right in front of Alex's mic and he smiled down at me and made extended eye contact a number of times. To him, I was just another chick in the front row enjoying the music. He had no idea - and will never know - that he is literally the beat of my heart.

Rereading this thread this morning made me cry my eyes out. I truly hope you're all well and that your lives are full of love, peace, happiness and, of course, :Neil: :Alex: :geddy:

With tons and tons of love,
GedsJeans

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#242 Permanent-Rush

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Posted 24 January 2017 - 12:51 PM

I understand what u were/are going through :hug2:

#243 IwillchooseFreeWill

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 08:46 AM

GedsJeans, I think you hit the mail on the button when you said we folk are often broken people. I was emotionally abused by my father and it took almost my entire adult life and the love of two wonderful men who believed in me before I believed in myself. When Rush wrote Subdivisions they spoke to all of us who tried to remain invisible in high school (although junior high was worse). Speaking from an advanced age (I'm older than the band) it does get better. Although now I am widowed in a foreign country and am very lonely. At least I have Rush to fill my lonely days.

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#244 vitalsigns318

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Posted 31 March 2017 - 04:05 PM

I love your post Ged Jeans, Rush brings out our deepest sentiments and most poetic thoughts. I have been listening to them since I was a five year old little girl in 1978 and I saw my first Rush concert in 1987 at age 14. They turned me into an instant musician after that concert and I am forever grateful.

Because they fostered my love of music, I met my lead singer husband and now we have a concept album. It is amazing what inspiration can do! Just remember although we may be cast outs, that Rush fans are among some of the most successful people on the planet; it was their music that us thinking outside the box and never giving up!

#245 Mystic Slipperman

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Posted 31 March 2017 - 04:15 PM

Been working my ass off to feel and get "unbroken", if it is possible.   I too have taken a lot of solace in Rush, their music and their lyrics over the years.  I"m getting into a good place slowly but surely, having lived in "survival mode" for the better part of 20 years.

#246 CygnusXYYZ

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Posted 20 September 2017 - 11:48 PM

View PostGedsJeans, on 12 May 2013 - 11:42 PM, said:

Hi girls.

I've never posted on a Rush message board before. I've read them for years (this one much more than the others) but, for whatever reasons, just never decided to get my feet wet. After last night's phenomenal show at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, I decided to change that - even if only for a day. There are some things inside me that need to come out and I felt like this was the only place I could release them.

I'm a 31 year-old woman from NYC and a Rush fan since 2003. Last night marked my 14th Rush concert and my VIP package awarded me a great ticket right in front of the very man whose plaintive riffs stole my heart 10 years ago: Alex Lifeson. (I'm pretty small, so he never noticed me standing there gazing up at him with a potent cocktail of loving tears and adoration in my eyes, which was perhaps for the best. It was a very emotional night for me and getting any sort of eye contact from a member of Rush might have legitimately caused a fainting spell!)

I think that most Rush fans are, to an extent, somewhat broken and emotionally fragile people. Not ALL of them, obviously, but the more I meet and speak to at shows, and the more eyes I gaze into as I pass them in the hallways of concert venues, the more I believe that the 3 talented misfits who comprise Rush have managed to produce music that reaches into the hearts of every other misfit on the planet and pulls them into that warm and comforting nimbus where they know they will always be safe. And understood.

I am one of those broken people. I was an "accidental" child born to a mother who was violent and resentful. I was sexually abused by my father until I was in my teens and never told anyone.  I was a compulsive cutter, a complete outcast in school who was abused verbally and physically. I had no social skills, grew up despising all other children and was terrified of men. For the most formative and important years of my life, I was such an introvert that something as simple as going grocery shopping gave me anxiety attacks. I spent the majority of my life feeling like I had no place on this earth. I felt unloved, unlovable, worthless, filthy, confused and full of a sadness so infinite that it sometimes felt like my heart was smothering in my chest. I had no interest in music, in hobbies, in dating. My only true joy was in painting, but because I lived on my own from an early age, I rarely had the money to buy decent art supplies. I was a lost and completely broken human being who was merely existing without living at all.

Anyone who tells you that music cannot change your entire life has obviously never been at the very end of their own rope, like I was.

I will never, ever forget the first time I heard Rush. Sitting on my bedroom floor in front of my stereo system on an overcast day in October, I stumbled onto Q104.3FM while station surfing.  Suddenly, streaming out of my speakers in impossible, shimmering, twisting ecstasy came Alex Lifeson's Limelight solo. It pierced through my heart like an arrow and I remember an awe-struck, prickling sensation spreading fast as wildfire throughout my entire body. His guitar cried out in sorrow and my heart answered immediately in understanding. But then the notes that followed twisted and danced and spiralled off into the most nakedly honest and raw joy I'd ever heard. It felt like, in the space of only 30 seconds or so, he had told my own personal story and created a happy ending for me where there had been none. The euphoria and pure, delicately screaming joy of that final, spiralling note that he rides into oblivion awakened something inside me that I couldn't fully understand but never wanted to let go of. Alex had jump-started a heart that had been dead for nearly 2 decades. I had no idea who he was, I had no idea who the rest of the band was or even the name of the song. I only knew that if I could hear that sound again, that sparkling guitar full of hope and promise, that teeming wall of rapturous sound that wrapped around it, then somehow everything would be okay. That was the beginning of my love affair with Rush. They reached me in the most beautiful and profound way possible, at a time when nothing and no one else could.

I have never loved a band so much. I've never felt this way about music before, so consistently and for so long. I've never felt so deeply connected to 3 people I don't even know. I've never felt that I owed SO MUCH to a group of complete strangers. As they played The Garden last night, I reflected on all of this and broke down and cried. Right there in front of me, a mere 15 feet away, were the men who had saved my life and they didn't even know it. They would NEVER know it. I doubt they realize just how much the fruits of their livelihood affect the lives of those who hear it, how significant they are to the lost and hurting who stumble across their music. I'm still a broken person, but Rush was the bandage that helped me begin to heal. They were my rainbow in a life of nothing but clouds. I can only hope to God that they know how special they are. I often wish that I could meet them and just hug them and tell them "thank you", but it would never be enough. For what they have given to me, for what they have given to us all, there is no hug long or tight enough and there can never be enough "thank you"s.

As The Garden wound softly to a close last night and the boys retreated for a short break, I thought about the lyrics. "In the fullness of time, a garden to nurture and protect". Whether Rush realizes it or not, we all are their garden to nurture and protect.... and they have done a damn fine job.

So to all the other misfits out there... to all of you who, like me, have found solace or love or hope or healing in the music of these 3 wonderful men... my heart is with you, I understand and I raise a glass today to you, to Rush, to new beginnings, to the strength to carry on despite all odds and to the camaraderie that exists within this incredibly unique fanbase.  

If anyone made it through this entire message, thank you from the bottom of my heart for obliging me. :') And most of all, thank you RUSH!!!

<3


#247 CygnusXYYZ

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Posted 20 September 2017 - 11:55 PM

Hi, I read your whole heartfelt and deeply moving post. I can relate to what you have said here. That might be why Subdivisions would have to be my favourite song. I was and probably still are to a certain extent, a misfit just trying to fit in. Rush and their music has helped me through many tough times. Right now I am basically alone. Both of my parents are gone, my dad just a little over a month ago. He was also my best friend. Lately I have been buying many Rush collectibles and art work, as it make me feel like I still have that connection to the them. Of course the music is the main component that helps me. I can say that I am amazed to see many women into Rush. I have been a fan since 1979 when I was just 13. All women around me hated Rush and could not relate to how I felt about them and their music. They are retired, but the music will live on long after we are all gone. Thanks for sharing. I was moved by your words.

#248 blueschica

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Posted 21 September 2017 - 10:19 PM

View PostCygnusXYYZ, on 20 September 2017 - 11:55 PM, said:

Hi, I read your whole heartfelt and deeply moving post. I can relate to what you have said here. That might be why Subdivisions would have to be my favourite song. I was and probably still are to a certain extent, a misfit just trying to fit in. Rush and their music has helped me through many tough times. Right now I am basically alone. Both of my parents are gone, my dad just a little over a month ago. He was also my best friend. Lately I have been buying many Rush collectibles and art work, as it make me feel like I still have that connection to the them. Of course the music is the main component that helps me. I can say that I am amazed to see many women into Rush. I have been a fan since 1979 when I was just 13. All women around me hated Rush and could not relate to how I felt about them and their music. They are retired, but the music will live on long after we are all gone. Thanks for sharing. I was moved by your words.

Welcome to TRF, Cygnus !  I hope you can take some time to explore the different threads here and get to know the forum.  So many of us have felt that Rush was there to help us through tough times; and there for good times also.  Nice to have you here!

#249 Lorraine

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Posted 22 September 2017 - 07:33 AM

View PostCygnusXYYZ, on 20 September 2017 - 11:55 PM, said:

Hi, I read your whole heartfelt and deeply moving post. I can relate to what you have said here. That might be why Subdivisions would have to be my favourite song. I was and probably still are to a certain extent, a misfit just trying to fit in. Rush and their music has helped me through many tough times. Right now I am basically alone. Both of my parents are gone, my dad just a little over a month ago. He was also my best friend. Lately I have been buying many Rush collectibles and art work, as it make me feel like I still have that connection to the them. Of course the music is the main component that helps me. I can say that I am amazed to see many women into Rush. I have been a fan since 1979 when I was just 13. All women around me hated Rush and could not relate to how I felt about them and their music. They are retired, but the music will live on long after we are all gone. Thanks for sharing. I was moved by your words.
Life is rough.

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