December 12, 2012
A Yukon Blade Grinder Exclusive Report
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony Itinerary:
What to expect on Rush’s special night
By John Cleese, Host of Talking Cheese with John Cleese
On assignment from Codpiece Theatre Magazine
At 2 pm on 12-12-12, major global seismic activity was reported. Not from earthquakes, or from an Ancient Mayan Calendar prediction, but from the collective global orgasm Rush fans, both young and old experienced. The announcement of the band’s induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has indeed moved the needle worldwide, and beyond. A tsunami of pride has swept over Canada, and the rest of nerd world with such wonderful and timely news. With precision only ascribed to the finest of chronographs, the Yukon Blade Grinder, as they say in the bayous of Louisiana, is on this story like white in rice.
This is a big deal in Canada. There is historical significance to this honor. So, the government of Canada has declared this day a new national holiday, dubbing it: “The Three Canadian’s Who’ve Made a Difference Day”. Wow, well done indeed. A tip of the hat, and a fine lunch of pickled herrings for the band should be in order. Move over Boxing Day!
Such honor will certainly flush the chumps, and they are many. Former naysayers are resurfacing as life long supporters of the band, and the aroma of a fresh appreciation coming from critics across the globe has the band feeling loved, and tightly spooned. The worm has turned. Certainly, no harm was done to the band’s present relevance with the release of the epic Clockwork Angels, and the countless awards from the world of music and entertainment print. Details of such sacred ceremonies are often secret, but not from this media beacon. For after the announcement was made, the RRHOF induction night itinerary was revealed via teleconference at CNN, and the Grinder, with an ear to the earth, has learned that prominent citizens of Canada shall lead the way.
The Presenters and Tributes
For those who are not in the know, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has rules and procedures to follow. In the case of the presenters, Rule 1 sector A says: the musician(s) may choose one primary presenter, with the RRHOF committee choosing another. While the bands choice is currently guarded under lock and key, the presumptive honor will go to former producer Terry Brown. The committee on the other hand, has chosen none other than Rolling Stone Emeritus Editor, Chip Gherkov. On his relationship with the band, and subsequent honor, he had this to say. “I’ve always been a huge supporter of the band, evidenced by the magazine’s support with countless articles and thorough positive reviews…so, for the committee this was a natural fit. They know we’ve been behind them all the way. I’m honored to help the band get their due.” Thanks Rolling Stone. The “reach around” is appreciated.
Every inductee has musical and personal tributes dedicated to illustrating and highlighting their career. The Yukon Blade Grinder has confirmed that at least one of the personal tributes will come from Canadian Astronaut and friend of the band, Jacques St. Claire. His speech will be transmitted via the newly installed Lerxt Galactic Audio Module (or, the “Eludium Pue 36 Explosive Space Modulator” as Alex has christened it), an experimental music laboratory of the International Space Station (ISS). The ISS, who’s morning wake up interlude for the astronauts is comprised of the Rush’s magnum opus Cygnus X1 Books 1 & 2, has just docked with the one billion dollar module, rumored to contain everything the band will need while in space to conduct sound wave experimentation, pointed at galaxies that may contain life. Far out.
Much more is know about the musical tributes and performers at this time. According to Billboard magazine, “Something for Nothing” and a surprise cover song not written by the band, “Three is a Magic Number”, will be performed by hometown charity and pet project of the band, the vaunted Toronto Urban Resource Development League. Members will perform alongside legendary Atlanta gospel group The Church on Fire Choir. Reports are they will be performing with the Geddy, Alex and Neil during their acoustic set. This choice makes even the curmudgeonliest of Yukon Blade Grinder reporters think “Wow! Those guys still blow up boundaries, perceptions, and stereotypes don’t they? Not bad for sexagenarians.”
Not to be outdone by children and a choir from Atlanta, Canadian Minister of Electronic Music, Rik Emmett, will be lead the tribute band with immortals such as Sebastian Bach, Foo Fighter alumnus Taylor Hawkins, Toronto legends Bryan Adams and John Roberts, and finally bassist Les Claypool. Right now the band, known only as “Back Bacon”, is working on a medley rumored to contain classics such as: Working Man, Anthem, Spirit of Radio, Red Barchetta, Time Stand Still (with Canadian songbird Ann Murray), and Roll the Bones. The only certainty is Seven Cities of Gold, of which says Emmett, “Sebastian said that he would eat a dog penis on stage if we played that song, so we’re up for that.”
Assuming control as the surprise musical tribute, metal super group Metallica, will pay homage with Closer to the Heart and 2112 (Overture, Temple of Syrinx, and Finale). Kirk Hammett issued this statement on Metallica’s participation, “f**k yeah—we’re there dudes!!!” With such line-ups, failure is not an option and someone is likely to pass out.
And finally…decisions ad nauseum
Questions regarding what the hall will exhibit in relation to Rush are flooding the office of Ray Danniels. For the fans, it’s of the highest concern. With a catalog spanning almost 40 years, it’s difficult to choose what to display. The band’s wardrobe history could be a nightmare straight out of Spinal Tap. What to include? A statue of a curious dog sniffing a hydrant? Neil’s drumset? Will Geddy’s coonskin hairdo make it in? Or what of Neil’s spirit quest of the early 1990’s with his “Straight Outta Compton” lid? Could the immortal rapping skull make an appearance? What of Kimonos on skinny white men? Flava Flav with his Watchmaker Rolex around his neck?
This will undoubtedly vex the band right up to the last minute. Ray Danniels issued statement confirming the band will “represent every decade with integrity, and art as expression—not as market campaigns”.
So for now Rush fans—wear your pride and let your heart glow—the favored sons of Canada are going home where they belong—The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Until the next crumb of news falls from the table of Lerxt, Dirk, or Pratt, the Yukon Blade Grinder bids you, in the immortal words of the Von Trapp Family singers—“So long, farewell…you know the rest…good night!”
Edited by Tombstone Mountain, 12 December 2012 - 05:50 PM.