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#41 ladirushfan80

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Posted 17 June 2005 - 07:21 AM

"The most fundamental way a woman can misunderstand a man--and the
misunderstanding with the most far-reaching consequences--is to think that she
can understand him at all...." --Mark Leyner


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#42 DonnaWanna

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Posted 17 June 2005 - 11:41 PM

FEMALE PRAYER
>> >> >
>> >> > Before I lay me down to sleep,
>> >> > I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
>> >> >
>> >> > One who's handsome, smart and strong.
>> >> > One who loves to listen long,
>> >> >
>> >> > One who thinks before he speaks.
>> >> > One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
>> >> >
>> >> > I pray he's gainfully employed,
>> >> > When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
>> >> >
>> >> > Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs
>> >> > to do more.
>> >> >
>> >> > Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, And knows what to
>> >> > answer to "How big is my behind?"
>> >> >
>> >> > I pray that this man will love me to no end.
>> >> > Will always be my very best friend.
>> >> >
>> >> > Amen.
>> >> >
>> >> > MALE PRAYER
>> >> >
>> >> > I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a
>> >> > liquor store and a bass boat. This doesn't rhyme with anything
>> >> > and I don't give a sh*t.
>> >> >
>> >> > Amen


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#43 Alsgalpal

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Posted 18 June 2005 - 01:56 AM

laugh.gif  Donna!!

#44 Midway Hawker

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Posted 18 June 2005 - 02:59 AM

Men rule.



#45 RWSloane

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Posted 18 June 2005 - 06:01 AM

This is funny stuff. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.
I hope to make it back to this forum, but with all the cleaning and cooking I have to do around here, well, where will I find the time.

A wise man once said " Women are good for two things, and most of em can't cook".

I disagree. Women are also good for bringing home the bacon, and picking up the beer.

It's a new age. new_thumbsupsmileyanim.gif  

#46 ladirushfan80

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Posted 20 June 2005 - 06:40 AM

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


FIVE MINUTES


If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.



NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"


GO AHEAD


This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.



LOUD SIGH


This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"


THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.


WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!  

#47 Alsgalpal

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Posted 20 June 2005 - 11:45 AM

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Jun 20 2005, 06:40 AM)
FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


FIVE MINUTES


If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.



NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"


GO AHEAD


This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.



LOUD SIGH


This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"


THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.


WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!

I am NOTORIOUS for doing these....   unsure.gif


They are so funny!!  laugh.gif

Edited by Alsgalpal, 20 June 2005 - 11:47 AM.


#48 sullysue

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Posted 20 June 2005 - 11:57 AM

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Jun 20 2005, 06:40 AM)
FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

We end up saying this back and forth, getting appoximately nowhere,

"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Whatever."
(end of conversation. Let the resentment begin!!!!  wacko.gif )

#49 Digital Man

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Posted 20 June 2005 - 12:25 PM

Can't live with us, can't shoot us

(Unless you live in certain parts of the south) unsure.gif  

#50 Rolinda Bonz

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Posted 20 June 2005 - 12:26 PM

QUOTE (Earthshine @ Jun 18 2005, 12:59 AM)
Men rule.

What's the matter with YOU, olla sudden?!?  pokey.gif

??? trink38.gif ???


laugh.gif  

#51 sullysue

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Posted 20 June 2005 - 12:48 PM

QUOTE (Rolinda Bonz @ Jun 20 2005, 12:26 PM)
QUOTE (Earthshine @ Jun 18 2005, 12:59 AM)
Men rule.

What's the matter with YOU, olla sudden?!?  pokey.gif

??? trink38.gif ???


laugh.gif

  yes.gif
I was there. scared.gif  

#52 Daylin

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Posted 20 June 2005 - 02:43 PM

QUOTE (Digital Man @ Jun 20 2005, 12:25 PM)
Can't live with us, can't shoot us

(Unless you live in certain parts of the south) unsure.gif

  rofl3.gif  rofl3.gif  rofl3.gif


Oh, you  2.gif men are the exception biggrin.gif  ohmy.gif  wink.gif  

#53 wmsb72673

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Posted 20 June 2005 - 03:28 PM

It took three million years of evolution for myself to become this way. only a woman could see how it was all totally wrong!! smile.gif


#54 DonnaWanna

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Posted 29 June 2005 - 07:52 PM

Is it REALLY that hard for a guy to rinse the sink out after they shave???
I mean whats it take awhole 10  secs to do this??
Indy shaves in the shower also sometimes ( nooo not his legs!! his face...no wise cracks from the peanut gallery  laugh.gif )
so i get in the shower after him and the walls are covered with his stubble he shaved off
AGAIN... IS it REALLY  that hard for em to take the HAND held shower head down and rinse the shower down.!!!
Or does he think the shower cleaning fairies will come and clean up his mess  confused13.gif
I tell him..." Im NOT ur Mom or ur Wife....Clean up after urself!!!!! mad.gif  

#55 sundog

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Posted 29 June 2005 - 09:08 PM

QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Jun 29 2005, 07:52 PM)

Or does he think the shower cleaning fairies will come and clean up his mess  confused13.gif

How do I score some of these??  laugh.gif  

#56 DonnaWanna

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Posted 29 June 2005 - 11:40 PM

QUOTE (sundog @ Jun 29 2005, 10:08 PM)
QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Jun 29 2005, 07:52 PM)

Or does he think the shower cleaning fairies will come and clean up his mess  confused13.gif

How do I score some of these??  laugh.gif

Bang Zooom~  mad.gif








wink.gif  laugh.gif  ur sucha Man  

#57 sundog

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Posted 30 June 2005 - 07:46 AM

QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Jun 29 2005, 11:40 PM)
QUOTE (sundog @ Jun 29 2005, 10:08 PM)
QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Jun 29 2005, 07:52 PM)

Or does he think the shower cleaning fairies will come and clean up his mess  confused13.gif

How do I score some of these??  laugh.gif

Bang Zooom~  mad.gif








wink.gif  laugh.gif  ur sucha Man

Uh Oh I'd better see a doctor about that....Right Away Too  ohmy.gif  

#58 DonnaWanna

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Posted 30 June 2005 - 01:44 PM

QUOTE (sundog @ Jun 30 2005, 08:46 AM)
QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Jun 29 2005, 11:40 PM)
QUOTE (sundog @ Jun 29 2005, 10:08 PM)
QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Jun 29 2005, 07:52 PM)

Or does he think the shower cleaning fairies will come and clean up his mess  confused13.gif

How do I score some of these??  laugh.gif

Bang Zooom~  mad.gif








wink.gif  laugh.gif  ur sucha Man

Uh Oh I'd better see a doctor about that....Right Away Too  ohmy.gif

  doh.gif  rofl3.gif  rofl3.gif  icon_really_happy_guy.gif  

#59 kyracat

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Posted 30 June 2005 - 02:18 PM

Men are like.


* Men are like...Weather...Nothing can be done to
change them.

* Men are like...Blenders...You need One, but you're
not quite sure why.

* Men are like.Chocolate Bars...Sweet, smooth, & they
usually head right for your hips.

* Men are like...Commercials...You can't believe a word
they say.

* Men are like...Department Stores. Their clothes are
always 1/2 off.

* Men are like...Government Bonds...They take soooooooo
long to mature.

* Men are like...Mascara. They usually run at the first
sign of emotion.

* Men are like...Popcorn...They satisfy you, but only
for a little while.

* Men are like...Lava Lamps...Fun to look at, but not
very bright.

* Men are like...Parking Spots...All the good ones are
taken, the rest are handicapped.



Men are like......

.....placemats
they only show up when there's food on the table.

.....bike helmets
they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

.....copiers
you need them in reproduction but that's about it.

.....bank accounts
without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

.....high heels
they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

.....curling irons
they're always hot and always in your hair.

.....mini skirts
if your not careful they'll creep up your legs.

.....handguns
keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.




Top 10 Reasons Computers Must Be Male

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.







Girl Poem
A poem for us...

I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.

I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.

Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!

Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest????

I don't have a problem,
With expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.

DON'T call me a GIRL,
a BABE or a CHICK.
I am a WOMAN.
Get it, you DICK!?!





*just wanted to add her two sence in.*

Edited by kyracat, 30 June 2005 - 02:23 PM.


#60 ladirushfan80

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Posted 30 June 2005 - 02:37 PM

Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.


here's to talking about the size of our ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
trink39.gif







unsure.gif




laugh.gif  




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