Just for fun

[ladirushfan80]

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL MALE SENSITIVITY TEST

(If you aren't a male please pass this along to your favorite guy)

 

 

 

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

 

A. Lovemaking.

 

B. Screwing.

 

C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.

 

 

 

 

 

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

 

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.

 

B. Your blood-test results.

 

C. Five tequila slammers.

 

 

 

 

 

3. You time your orgasm so that:

 

A. Your partner climaxes first.

 

B. You both climax simultaneously.

 

C. You don't miss ESPN SportsCenter.

 

 

 

 

 

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

 

A. Healthy, creative love-play.

 

B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.

 

C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.

 

 

 

 

 

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

 

A. The best part of the experience.

 

B. The second best part of the experience.

 

C. $100 extra.

 

 

 

 

 

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

 

A Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.

 

B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.

 

C A conservative estimate.

 

 

 

 

 

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

 

A. A myth.

 

B. An oxymoron.

 

C. A moron.

 

 

 

 

 

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

 

A. An appetizer is to entree.

 

B. Primer is to paint.

 

C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

 

 

 

 

 

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

 

A. "I hope we can still be friends."

 

B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."

 

C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."

 

 

 

 

 

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

 

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.

 

B. Is uptight and a waste of time.

 

C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

 

 

 

 

 

Evaluating Results:

 

If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.

 

 

 

If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.

 

 

 

If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN"

 

 

 

[Cygnus]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/91.jpg

[Alsgalpal]

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Oct 7 2005, 09:13 AM)

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL MALE SENSITIVITY TEST (If you aren't a male please pass this along to your favorite guy) 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: A. Lovemaking. B. Screwing. C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. B. Your blood-test results. C. Five tequila slammers. 3. You time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax simultaneously. C. You don't miss ESPN SportsCenter. 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: A. Healthy, creative love-play. B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to. C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about. 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is: A. The best part of the experience. B. The second best part of the experience. C. $100 extra. 6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: A Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her. B. Not a problem, she can join your gym. C A conservative estimate. 7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is: A. A myth. B. An oxymoron. C. A moron. 8. Foreplay is to sex as: A. An appetizer is to entree. B. Primer is to paint. C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. 9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? A. "I hope we can still be friends." B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep." C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU." 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. B. Is uptight and a waste of time. C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. Evaluating Results: If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man. If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused. If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN"

 

 

Those are great!!!!!

[Jiminy Cricket]

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Apr 14 2005, 05:53 AM)

here ya go gentleman.... a little help.... This explains it all!!! Why Women Are Crabby We started to "bud" into our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find out that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we had swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then... come their teen years. Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday and is now all but null and void. So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me. Send this to bright women you know and make their day!!! Or at least make them laugh a little... but not too hard or they may pee their panties. The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause. Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho.

In simple terms?

 

I agree.

 

A little education never hurt

[TNT on PMS]

)," warranting a strong, well-deserved

impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a

wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole

 

 

 

 

I thought that said Punch the QB , I was wonderin what he might be doin there ?

I was thinkin maybe it was gonna be a long snap , there in the delivery room or sumthin

Blue 32 Blue 32 Hike!

[Rolinda Bonz]

QUOTE (TNT on PMS @ Oct 16 2005, 05:33 AM)

)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole I thought that said Punch the QB , I was wonderin what he might be doin there ? I was thinkin maybe it was gonna be a long snap , there in the delivery room or sumthin Blue 32 Blue 32 Hike!

[ladirushfan80]

this has probably been posted already...but it's buried way back in these massive pages...so i'll just put it HERE......

 

enjoy!!!!!!

 

 

 

New Drugs for Women

 

D A M N I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

 

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering

preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

 

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you

of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they

moved out.

 

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone drink for single women.

Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases

breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

 

D U M B E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,

resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

 

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by

controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

 

M E N I C I L L I N

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women.

Increases resistance to such lethal lines as,

"You make me want to be a better person ...Can we get naked now?.

 

BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.

Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

 

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,

anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

 

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too

eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators

 

N A G A M E N T

When administered to a boyfriend or husband,

provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

 

[Cygnus]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/9898.jpg

[Rolinda Bonz]

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Oct 17 2005, 04:15 AM)

this has probably been posted already...but it's buried way back in these massive pages...so i'll just put it HERE...... enjoy!!!!!! New Drugs for Women D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days. E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception. D U M B E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I N Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ...Can we get naked now?. BUYAGRA Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree. J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat. A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators N A G A M E N T When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

hook me up, sister!

[Cygnus]

International symbol of marriage is Approved

 

 

New York-AP- On April 21, 2005, After 5 years of heated debate, the Commission of Human Rights approved the new International Symbol of Marriage:

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/ATT00030.jpg

[Cygnus]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/111474.jpg

[Cygnus]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00009177.jpg

[Daylin]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Nov 7 2005, 02:50 PM)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00009177.jpg

 

That's not true!

[Cygnus]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00026317.jpg

[Cygnus]

Subject: barbie

 

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?"

 

The salesperson answers, " Which one? We have:

Work out Barbie for $19.95

Shopping Barbie for $19.95

Beach Barbie for $19.95

Disco Barbie for $19.95

Divorced Barbie for $265.95

 

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and

the others only $19.95?"

 

The salesperson answers :

"Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car,

Ken's House,

Ken's Boat,

Ken's Furniture,

Ken's Computer and...

 

One of Ken's Friends.

 

[Cygnus]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/8709.jpg

[DonnaWanna]

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

We need = I want

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

[ByWyzD]

QUOTE (DonnaWanna @ Nov 18 2005, 12:03 AM)

Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No We need = I want I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need to talk = I need to complain Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful Do what you want = You'll pay for this later I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

Now I'm more confused about the female species than ever! =

[Rolinda Bonz]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Nov 17 2005, 06:52 AM)

Subject: barbie One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?" The salesperson answers, " Which one? We have: Work out Barbie for $19.95 Shopping Barbie for $19.95 Beach Barbie for $19.95 Disco Barbie for $19.95 Divorced Barbie for $265.95 The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?" The salesperson answers : "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and... One of Ken's Friends.

just one of Ken's friends? what? no women on the staff at Mattel?

[freewill71]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Nov 8 2005, 01:24 PM)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00026317.jpg

That shirt reminds me more of what some men are capable of.

[Cygnus]

The Difference Between Men and Women

 

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

 

And then there is silence in the car.

 

To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

 

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

 

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

 

And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

 

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

 

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

 

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

 

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty........scumbags.

 

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

 

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

 

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

 

"What?" says Roger, startled.

 

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

 

"What?" says Roger.

 

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

 

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

 

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

 

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

 

"It's just that... it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.

 

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says.

 

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

 

"What way?" says Roger.

 

"That way about time," says Elaine.

 

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

 

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

 

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

 

"Thank you," says Roger.

 

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

 

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

 

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

 

And that's the difference between men and women.

 

[Cygnus]

THREE HORSE

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/ATT00023.jpg

[Drumnut]

[Cygnus]

The ULTIMATE in Women's Body Piercing ...

 

Men all over the country are urging their wives and sweethearts to get

this 'chic' procedure. The going rate on the east coast now exceeds five

digits $$$$$

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/ladywithzipperonmouth.jpg

[1-0-0-1-0-0-1]

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Nov 8 2005, 01:24 PM)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/00026317.jpg

The goal of a Bitch...

To dominate

...and to throw up all over her shirt?