Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Just joshin Please no nasty PMs I will go Now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Man Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 God noticed Adam was lonely & decided to make a mate for him. God said " Iwll make a mate for youy at a price, what qualitites would you like your mate to have?". Adam said "Kind, helpful, feed me, clean for me, take care of me, cook for me, take care of my every desire". God said "That's a pretty tall order, it's going to cost you one arm & one leg". Adam thought about God's price, he answered "Weeeell, then what can I get for a rib?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Man Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 My followup joke so I don't get beatup... A man asked God, "Why did you make women so beautuful, & make them smell so good?" God answered "So you would love them". Then man asked "But why did you make them so stupid?". God's answer "So they would love YOU." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 Are you a B.I.T.C.H ? I used to think that B.I.T.C.H. was a BAD word but not anymore! When she stands up for herself and her beliefs, they call her a bitch When she stand up for those she love, they call her a bitch. When she speak her mind, think her own thoughts, or do things her own way, they call her a bitch. When she refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it,she is defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when she takes time for herself instead of being everyone's maid or when she acts a little selfish. Being a bitch has meant raising your children to be strong people who have a solid sense of personal and social responsibility, who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in and who love and respect themselves for the beautiful beings they are. Being a bitch means that you are free to be the wonderful creature that you are, with all your own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty. Being a bitch means you won't compromise what's in your heart. It means you live your life your way. It means you won't allow anyone to step on you. B - Babe I - In T - Total C - Control of H - Herself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 9, 2005 Share Posted September 9, 2005 I know alot of bitches thats a good thing now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 9 2005, 07:31 PM) I know alot of bitches thats a good thing now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 Why Women Are Crabby We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday. So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/sundog918/Biteme.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladirushfan80 Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 (edited) A blond reads where if you bathe in milk it makes your skin beautiful so next morning she leaves note for milkman-leave me 115 quarts of milk, next morning milkman reads this and thinks I better double check on this. He rings the bell and he asks her if this is right she says, "Yes its good to bathe in milk", so he asks her if she wants it pasteuized? She answers "oh no I need it to be just past my neck" ! ! ! Edited September 12, 2005 by Cygnus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanEHdian Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 12 2005, 11:09 AM) A blond reads where if you bathe in milk it makes your skin beautiful so next morning she leaves note for milkman-leave me 115 quarts of milk, next morning milkman reads this and thinks I better double check on this. He rings the bell and he asks her if this is right she says, "Yes its good to bathe in milk", so he asks her if she wants it pasteuized? She answers "oh no I need it to be just past my neck" ! ! ! I'm blond and I bathe in milk No I don'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundog Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 Yikes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/RushForum/df20000517.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 All Blonde Drivers Please subscribe. BlondeStar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanEHdian Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b208/shanny66/funny.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cygnus Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 http://www.insanepictures.com/pictures/2584.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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