Jump to content


Just for fun


  • Please log in to reply
710 replies to this topic

#41 ladirushfan80

ladirushfan80

    Dawn's Early Light

  • Members
  • 12338 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:America's High Five!
  • Interests:Spending time with friends and family. Spirituality. Music. Getting out in the world and trying to appreciate and make the most out of each and every day. Always a work in progress...

Posted 12 September 2005 - 07:14 AM

  z7shysterical.gif  

Sponsored Post

#42 Cygnus

Cygnus

    The Barista of Boobies

  • Members *
  • 14662 posts
  • Location:Mt. Olympus

Posted 12 September 2005 - 10:09 AM

A blond reads where if you bathe in milk it
makes your skin beautiful so next morning
she leaves note for milkman-leave me 115
quarts of milk, next morning milkman reads
this and thinks I better double check on this.
He rings the bell and  he asks her
if this is right she says, "Yes its good to
bathe in milk", so he asks her if she wants it
pasteuized? She answers "oh no I need it to be just past
my neck" ! ! !

Edited by Cygnus, 12 September 2005 - 10:11 AM.


#43 CanEHdian

CanEHdian

    True north strong and free

  • Members *
  • 3294 posts

Posted 12 September 2005 - 10:28 AM

QUOTE (Cygnus @ Sep 12 2005, 11:09 AM)
A blond reads where if you bathe in milk it
makes your skin beautiful so next morning
she leaves note for milkman-leave me 115
quarts of milk, next morning milkman reads
this and thinks I better double check on this.
He rings the bell and  he asks her
if this is right she says, "Yes its good to
bathe in milk", so he asks her if she wants it
pasteuized? She answers "oh no I need it to be just past
my neck" ! ! !

I'm blond and I bathe in milk  yes.gif



No I don'!     rofl3.gif  

#44 sundog

sundog

    Million Dollar Smile

  • Members *
  • 11485 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:East of Lyra

Posted 13 September 2005 - 09:58 AM

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"



#45 sundog

sundog

    Million Dollar Smile

  • Members *
  • 11485 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:East of Lyra

Posted 13 September 2005 - 09:10 PM

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".


#46 Cygnus

Cygnus

    The Barista of Boobies

  • Members *
  • 14662 posts
  • Location:Mt. Olympus

Posted 14 September 2005 - 07:28 AM

Yikes ohmy.gif




rofl3.gif  

#47 Cygnus

Cygnus

    The Barista of Boobies

  • Members *
  • 14662 posts
  • Location:Mt. Olympus

Posted 14 September 2005 - 07:29 AM

user posted image

#48 Cygnus

Cygnus

    The Barista of Boobies

  • Members *
  • 14662 posts
  • Location:Mt. Olympus

Posted 30 September 2005 - 07:38 AM

All Blonde Drivers Please subscribe.

BlondeStar

#49 CanEHdian

CanEHdian

    True north strong and free

  • Members *
  • 3294 posts

Posted 30 September 2005 - 01:48 PM

user posted image

#50 Cygnus

Cygnus

    The Barista of Boobies

  • Members *
  • 14662 posts
  • Location:Mt. Olympus

Posted 03 October 2005 - 11:58 AM

user posted image

#51 ladirushfan80

ladirushfan80

    Dawn's Early Light

  • Members
  • 12338 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:America's High Five!
  • Interests:Spending time with friends and family. Spirituality. Music. Getting out in the world and trying to appreciate and make the most out of each and every day. Always a work in progress...

Posted 07 October 2005 - 09:13 AM

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL MALE SENSITIVITY TEST
(If you aren't a male please pass this along to your favorite guy)



1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking.

B. Screwing.

C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.





2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.

B. Your blood-test results.

C. Five tequila slammers.





3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.

B. You both climax simultaneously.

C. You don't miss ESPN SportsCenter.





4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.

B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.

C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.





5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.

B. The second best part of the experience.

C. $100 extra.





6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

A Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.

B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.

C A conservative estimate.





7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth.

B. An oxymoron.

C. A moron.





8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. An appetizer is to entree.

B. Primer is to paint.

C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.





9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

A. "I hope we can still be friends."

B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."

C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."





10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.

B. Is uptight and a waste of time.

C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.





Evaluating Results:

If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.



If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.



If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN"




#52 Cygnus

Cygnus

    The Barista of Boobies

  • Members *
  • 14662 posts
  • Location:Mt. Olympus

Posted 11 October 2005 - 01:32 PM

user posted image

#53 Alsgalpal

Alsgalpal

    Mermaid of the Lunar Sea

  • Members *
  • 16287 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:In a state of excitement
  • Interests:Music, sportbikes, photography and horses...

Posted 11 October 2005 - 02:02 PM

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Oct 7 2005, 09:13 AM)
THIS IS THE OFFICIAL MALE SENSITIVITY TEST
(If you aren't a male please pass this along to your favorite guy)



1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking.

B. Screwing.

C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.





2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.

B. Your blood-test results.

C. Five tequila slammers.





3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.

B. You both climax simultaneously.

C. You don't miss ESPN SportsCenter.





4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.

B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.

C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.





5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.

B. The second best part of the experience.

C. $100 extra.





6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

A Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.

B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.

C A conservative estimate.





7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth.

B. An oxymoron.

C. A moron.





8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. An appetizer is to entree.

B. Primer is to paint.

C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.





9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

A. "I hope we can still be friends."

B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."

C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."





10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.

B. Is uptight and a waste of time.

C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.





Evaluating Results:

If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.



If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.



If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN"

z7shysterical.gif


Those are great!!!!!  laugh.gif

#54 Jiminy Cricket

Jiminy Cricket

    Long Awaited Froind

  • Members
  • 16 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 15 October 2005 - 10:30 PM

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Apr 14 2005, 05:53 AM)
here ya go gentleman.... a little help....



This explains it all!!!


Why Women Are Crabby

We started to "bud" into our blouses at 9 or 10 years
old only to find
out that anything that came in contact with those
tender, blooming buds hurt
so bad it brought us to tears. So came the
ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would
snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or
sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we
got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our
legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we
had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not)
was having sex for
the first time which was about as much fun as having a
ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils, leaving us to wonder
what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live
on dry crackers
and water for a few months so we didn't spend the
entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are
(and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside
us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were
preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we had swallowed a
watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the
big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst
right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon
feet, moaning in pain
all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB
says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push.
Just one more good push
(more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved
impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a
wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to
find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little
darlings morphed
into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing,
life-sucking little poop machines.

Then... come their teen years. Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our
voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his
somewhere around his 18th birthday and is now all but null and void.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause,"
the Grandmother
of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance
cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions,
or, sweat like a hog, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the
head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than
men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being
able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make
the Great Gandhi a tad crabby.

Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

Send this to bright women you know and make their
day!!! Or at least make them laugh a little... but not too hard or
they may pee their panties.

The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause.

     Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated,
Forgetful and Psycho.

In simple terms?  

I agree.

A little education never hurt  cool.gif  

#55 TNT on PMS

TNT on PMS

    Superconductor

  • Members *
  • 1137 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Long Island New York
  • Interests:Drums / Percussion
    Politics
    Flight Sims : X Planes 8 Rocks !! :
    Day Dreaming :)
    Boxing
    Sky Diving
    Hanging of buildings like Spider Man in Manhattan, to do those jobs nobody else wants .

Posted 16 October 2005 - 07:33 AM

)," warranting a strong, well-deserved
impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a
wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole




I thought that said Punch the QB , I was wonderin what he might be doin there ?
I was thinkin maybe it was gonna be a long snap , there in the delivery room or sumthin  tongue.gif
    Blue    32   Blue    32     Hike!

#56 Rolinda Bonz

Rolinda Bonz

    Land Obi Zorn

  • Members *
  • 10868 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Phoenix, AZ, USA

Posted 16 October 2005 - 08:13 PM

QUOTE (TNT on PMS @ Oct 16 2005, 05:33 AM)
)," warranting a strong, well-deserved
impulse to punch the OB and hubby square in the face for making us cram a
wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole




I thought that said Punch the QB , I was wonderin what he might be doin there ?
I was thinkin maybe it was gonna be a long snap , there in the delivery room or sumthin  tongue.gif
    Blue    32   Blue    32     Hike!

  icon_really_happy_guy.gif  

#57 ladirushfan80

ladirushfan80

    Dawn's Early Light

  • Members
  • 12338 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:America's High Five!
  • Interests:Spending time with friends and family. Spirituality. Music. Getting out in the world and trying to appreciate and make the most out of each and every day. Always a work in progress...

Posted 17 October 2005 - 06:15 AM

this has probably been posted already...but it's buried way back in these massive pages...so i'll just put it HERE......

enjoy!!!!!! rose.gif



New Drugs for Women

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you
of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they
moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women.
Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases
breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,
resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lethal lines as,
"You make me want to be a better person ...Can we get naked now?.

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too
eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband,
provides the same irritation level as nagging him.


#58 Cygnus

Cygnus

    The Barista of Boobies

  • Members *
  • 14662 posts
  • Location:Mt. Olympus

Posted 20 October 2005 - 03:29 PM

user posted image

#59 Rolinda Bonz

Rolinda Bonz

    Land Obi Zorn

  • Members *
  • 10868 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Phoenix, AZ, USA

Posted 20 October 2005 - 08:09 PM

QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Oct 17 2005, 04:15 AM)
this has probably been posted already...but it's buried way back in these massive pages...so i'll just put it HERE......

enjoy!!!!!! rose.gif



New Drugs for Women

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you
of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they
moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women.
Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases
breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,
resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lethal lines as,
"You make me want to be a better person ...Can we get naked now?.

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too
eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband,
provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

laugh.gif hook me up, sister!  

#60 Cygnus

Cygnus

    The Barista of Boobies

  • Members *
  • 14662 posts
  • Location:Mt. Olympus

Posted 26 October 2005 - 07:44 AM

International symbol of marriage is Approved


New York-AP- On April 21, 2005, After 5 years of heated debate, the Commission of Human Rights approved the new International Symbol of Marriage:

user posted image




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users