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Men are pigs


Tom Sawyer

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I should know, I'm one of them.

 

Hey, it's not a dirty word, y'know. You can dress us up, we can be charmers, sweet, sensative, lovingly respectful, but we are still PIGS!

 

It just had to be said. I for one will not live in denial anymore!! smile.gif

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QUOTE (pinkfloyd1973 @ Feb 28 2007, 02:09 AM)
I should know, I'm one of them.

Hey, it's not a dirty word, y'know.  You can dress us up, we can be charmers, sweet, sensative, lovingly respectful, but we are still PIGS!

It just had to be said. I for one will not live in denial anymore!! smile.gif

Admitting such a thing (no matter how true it is) will not score you points in this forum. But just in case it does earn points...I'm a pig too. wink.gif

 

To pigs trink39.gif

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http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/amandaladi/cartoons%20and%20fun/H59.jpg
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According to my wife, I am definitely not a pig! She says I have transcended pig and gone straight to ogre!
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Well, the ones I just had to scold because they made a mess of the conference room are.

 

Sheesh.

 

Listen, if y'all don't start cleaning up after yourselves, you're not getting any more donuts for your meetings... dazed025.gif

 

laugh.gif

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Here's an old classic that I'm sure has been posted somewhere on the board before, but it's well worth another shot. There's no doubt in my mind this is made up and never actually happened. It would be cool if it did though......

 

 

Tandem Story

 

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

reportedly offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado

for an actual class assignment.

 

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new

form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair

off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework

tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You

will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The

partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the

story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person

will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

 

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the

story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails

and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is

over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

 

The following was turned in by two of his English students,

Rebecca and Gary.

 

THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

 

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now

reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he

liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off

Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too

much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the

question.

 

(second paragraph by Gary)

 

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now

in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the

neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had

spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he

said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No

sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish

particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's

cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and

across the cockpit.

 

(Rebecca)

 

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one

last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever

had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless

hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law

Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper

one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared

out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly

and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from

her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why

must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

 

(Gary)

 

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of

miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its

lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the

Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth

a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to

destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty

the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to

pulverize

the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their

diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere

unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters

on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive

explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

 

(Rebecca)

 

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing

partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

 

(Gary)

 

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose

attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I

have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh

no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many

Danielle Steele novels!"

 

 

(Rebecca)

 

As*h@le.

 

(Gary)

 

B*tch!

 

 

(Rebecca)

F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

 

 

(Gary)

 

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

 

 

(TEACHER)

 

A+ - I really liked this one

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THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

 

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my

husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically

telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

 

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of

toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

 

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in

front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

 

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

 

I stopped.

"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between

my breasts every day will make them larger over the years?"

 

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

 

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk

again.

 

Stupid, stupid man

 

 

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QUOTE (sullysue @ Mar 1 2007, 05:40 PM)
THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped.
"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make them larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again.

Stupid, stupid man

rofl3.gif

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One afternoon, Harry Harrington walks into his supervisor's office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

 

"We're short-handed, Harry," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

 

"Thanks, boss," says Harry. "I knew I could count on you!"

 

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i wonder how long it will be before asian rush fan chimes in????

 

 

 

 

just sayin'...

 

 

 

bolt.gif

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QUOTE (Arleen2112 @ Mar 2 2007, 08:34 AM)
QUOTE (ladirushfan80 @ Mar 2 2007, 09:32 AM)
i wonder how long it will be before asian rush fan chimes in????




just sayin'...



bolt.gif

wink.gif

 

I was just thinking the same thing laugh.gif

 

 

bolt.gif

Me three wink.gif

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A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.

After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you

gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

 

"You'll know tonight." he said.

 

That evening, the man came home with a small package

and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--

only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

 

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