Saint NIck Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 Hi Friends, it's been a long time since I posted in here; and, I'm not sure if this is the right forum; yet, I need to vent. I met a younger lady a few weeks ago; her sons play baseball with my nephews, and we hit it off pretty good: starting talking & sharing plenty of laughs. I have 15 years on her; she likes the night life & partying, not I; but we still share some times together. She's never asked for money, yet she did ask for help in getting a furniture purchase home; and so I did, and probably saved her a chunk of change. We've texted and/or talked practically every day...up until this past week. I know she has other interests in perhaps younger men, and is still communicating with one she met about a couple months ago; and she does have some admitted baggage. Last time we talked was Wednesday evening; and later I texted & called to no response. Thursday morning I sent a text, telling her '...I'm very sorry if I did something wrong...' and she answered '...it's not you, just thinking about a lot of stuff...; I text '...we are friends...' and she replied '...yes...'. Some good texts Thursday evening, but come Friday morning very quick, plain, replies. I tried calling Friday evening and just got sent to voicemail. YES, I know I may be persistent, and I haven't text/called since. I'M SO FULL OF ANXIETY & WORRY; I don't want to lose her friendship. It hurts not to communicate with her, but I'm gonna give her space. Again, I never meant to cause any problems. YES, I was & still have feelings for her, but she doesn't see me as boyfriend type. Yet, she knows I care, and most importantly wanna remain friends. Thanks for y'all's time. Take care. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldRUSHfan Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 Yep. It's tough. I've been there a few times myself.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 Here’s to you defeating anxiety where Mel Brooks couldn’t. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorraine Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 (edited) Hi Friends, it's been a long time since I posted in here; and, I'm not sure if this is the right forum; yet, I need to vent. I met a younger lady a few weeks ago; her sons play baseball with my nephews, and we hit it off pretty good: starting talking & sharing plenty of laughs. I have 15 years on her; she likes the night life & partying, not I; but we still share some times together. She's never asked for money, yet she did ask for help in getting a furniture purchase home; and so I did, and probably saved her a chunk of change. We've texted and/or talked practically every day...up until this past week. I know she has other interests in perhaps younger men, and is still communicating with one she met about a couple months ago; and she does have some admitted baggage. Last time we talked was Wednesday evening; and later I texted & called to no response. Thursday morning I sent a text, telling her '...I'm very sorry if I did something wrong...' and she answered '...it's not you, just thinking about a lot of stuff...; I text '...we are friends...' and she replied '...yes...'. Some good texts Thursday evening, but come Friday morning very quick, plain, replies. I tried calling Friday evening and just got sent to voicemail. YES, I know I may be persistent, and I haven't text/called since. I'M SO FULL OF ANXIETY & WORRY; I don't want to lose her friendship. It hurts not to communicate with her, but I'm gonna give her space. Again, I never meant to cause any problems. YES, I was & still have feelings for her, but she doesn't see me as boyfriend type. Yet, she knows I care, and most importantly wanna remain friends. Thanks for y'all's time. Take care. Here's my two cents. I'll be 65 in a few days and wish I could have put into practice decades what I've since learned in life about relationships and especially about people. If she was interested, you'd know it. You said some important things: She has baggage - if ever there was a red flag, this is it. No one needs another person with baggage. Relationships are difficult enough without having to deal with extra stuff from previous relationships or other things. The next thing I will say is from an experience I had in the 1980s - unrequited love - you can't force anyone to feel what they don't feel. If you feel more than the other person, nothing you can do or say will make them feel the same if it doesn't come naturally. Please don't waste your time or effort. You will only be the loser in the end. You are a man. Put your emotions aside and look at it realistically please. As an aside, age gaps are real. 15 years is a lot. Life is too short so why waste precious time (as Pat Benetar once sang)? I do not mean any of the above to sound harsh. One person's experience may help another avoid unnecessary hurt and heartache. That is my only intention. Good luck, my friend. Edited July 1, 2019 by Lorraine 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J2112YYZ Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 Sounds to me like she is well aware of how you feel and used that to get you to buy that furniture for her. Her distancing herself after this is the big indicator to me. Yes, she said that you're still friends but what kind of friendship does she want? One that is tight where you talk regularly or is it one where you check in every now and then and maybe meet up once in a while? I may know nothing here and it can turn out I'm wrong. But if she doesn't see you as a boyfriend, I wouldn't waste my time with her and move on. It seems to me by her responses or lack thereof to you, she is trying to move on to other things. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordgalaxy Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 I'd say don't be so persistent, it kind of shows desperation. Back off and let her deal with whatever it is and let come back to you. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JARG Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 (edited) Lots of good advice here already. Lorraine is spot-on with her comment that you'd know if she was interested. It sure doesn't seem like she is. If you want to have any chance of having her in your life, even if only as a friend, you need to respect the boundary that exists between friends and "something more". Texting her stuff like "I'm very sorry if I did something wrong" just because she's been out of communication doesn't even acknowledge that that boundary exists, much less respect it, and tells her you're not being honest with her when you speak of your friendship. Your instinct to give her space is a good one, go with that. Give her LOTS of space. Let her be the one to initiate the next round of communication. All that said, I know you're hurting. I've been there and it sucks. Edited July 3, 2019 by JARG 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JARG Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Sounds to me like she is well aware of how you feel and used that to get you to buy that furniture for her. It's the wrong year for this, but I don't think she got him to buy the furniture, but more likely he had a truck that he offered so that she didn't have to pay a delivery fee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chemistry1973 Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Listen to Lorraine. Cut her loose. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J2112YYZ Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Sounds to me like she is well aware of how you feel and used that to get you to buy that furniture for her. It's the wrong year for this, but I don't think she got him to buy the furniture, but more likely he had a truck that he offered so that she didn't have to pay a delivery fee. Ah yes, I believe you're right. I just went back and read the first post again and it looks like I read it wrong the first time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 I have 15 years on her.... Strike 1 I know she has other interests in perhaps younger men, and is still communicating with one she met about a couple months ago; and she does have some admitted baggage. Strike 2 ....but she doesn't see me as boyfriend type. Strike 3 I've been there, done that, stored away the memories deep down. It's time for you to move on and find someone your own age and who is interested in being more than just "friends". Because being "just friends" with a younger, single, attractive woman does not work. Good luck! :haz: :haz: 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint NIck Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 Hi Friends !Got some good news; we're talking again, and even visited for a little while last night.She has her boyfriend back in her life, and seems very happy. I'm not gonna do anything to mess things up; respect & give her space; knowing in confidence & assurance that we're friends.Thanks & take care. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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