Principled Man Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 What do you call a $5,000.00 Italian handbag full of baby vomit? -- Gucci Gucci goo 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Segue Myles Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invisible airwave Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 What did Steven Tyler name his oriental restaurant? Wok this way. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted May 15, 2019 Author Share Posted May 15, 2019 I went to the driving range today. My slice was so bad, the bakery next door sent me a check for saving them so much payroll. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edhunter Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 What did the father Buffalo say to his child when he left for college? Bye son. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citizen of the World Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 Some people think white boards aren't very interesting but I think they are remarkable. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Rudolph looks out his window on Christmas Eve. He says to Mrs. Rudolph, "hmm looks like rain tonight". Mrs. Rudolph asks "how do you know it's gonna rain?" Rudolph says "because Rudolph the red knows rain dear." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Son asks his dad "dad, are we pyromaniacs?" Dad says "yes we are son". 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Some people think white boards aren't very interesting but I think they are remarkable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edhunter Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 (edited) I used to tell this one as a kid long before I ever knew what the punchline meant. My older brother and sister even had me call it into a radio station when I was about eight or nine. How do you catch an elephant? First, you dig a hole about 30 ft deep and fill the bottom of it with ashes. Then you line the outside rim with peas, so close together that they touch. So when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ashhole. Edited May 16, 2019 by edhunter 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fordgalaxy Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? 1 or 2 1 or 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entre_Perpetuo Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 What’s up? The sky. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
condemned2bfree Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 What did the snowman say to the other snowman? Can you smell carrots? 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
condemned2bfree Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Dyslexics of the world untie! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turbine Freight Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 (edited) Where does Caesar keep his armies? Up his sleevies. Edited May 16, 2019 by Turbine Freight 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Three Eyes Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 It's not possible to deface a Jackson Pollack painting. You throw a bucket of paint on one and it just goes up in value. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
condemned2bfree Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 Horse walks into a bar. Barman asks "why the long face?" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Principled Man Posted May 16, 2019 Author Share Posted May 16, 2019 Cannibals never eat clowns. They taste funny. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 I only tell smart jokes. Sorry. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted May 16, 2019 Share Posted May 16, 2019 did you know Jeffrey Dahmer had twins? he got rid of them because they were spoiled rotten. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Three Eyes Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 How can you get a very large group of Rush fans to exit a building? Play Roll The Bones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grep Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 How can you get a very large group of Rush fans to exit a building? Play Roll The Bones. In my case it will inspire me to take a piss break. If I timed it right I could empty the bladder, get another beer, and be back in my seat just as the next song started. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grep Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 Why did the chicken cross the road? He was stapled to the turtle. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KenJennings Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 When Amy Schumer was a little girl, everyone laughed when she said she wanted to do Stand Up when she grew up. Well, nobody's laughing now. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vaportrailer Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 Horse walks into a bar. Barman asks "why the long face?" This turns into a Celine Dion joke in Canada. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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