OldRUSHfan Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Have you heard of this? NEWS BULLETINHundreds Hospitalized After New Hymn Introduced in ChurchSeptember 15, 2018 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - 36 Comments.Hundreds Hospitalized After New Hymn Introduced in ChurchHuron, SD – Hundreds were hospitalized and scores more traumatized for life in the wake of a disastrous hymn roll-out this past Sunday. Recklessly acting in a way contrary to all Lutheran sensibilities, Pastor Norman Schroeder inserted a previously unsung hymn, “Through Jesus’ Blood and Merit,” into the church service. “I remember paging to hymn 372 and thinking that it looked unfamiliar,” said helpless victim Delores Hamilton from her hospital bed. “My heart started pounding in my chest! My vision narrowed! As we started singing my hands trembled uncontrollably. I felt lightheaded! I don’t even think I made it through the first stanza before I passed out.” First responders were overwhelmed by the chaotic scene. Ambulances struggled to make their way through the terrified mob streaming through the church parking lot. Inside the sanctuary, hundreds were incapacitated, many still frozen with their hands clutched over their ears in a vain attempt to shut out the unfamiliar tune. The few conscious congregants were in such a weakened state they were unable to assist their more gravely injured Lutherans.NEWS BULLETINHundreds Hospitalized After New Hymn Introduced in ChurchSeptember 15, 2018 - by Johannes Bugenhagen - 36 Comments.Hundreds Hospitalized After New Hymn Introduced in Church Huron, SD – Hundreds were hospitalized and scores more traumatized for life in the wake of a disastrous hymn roll-out this past Sunday. Recklessly acting in a way contrary to all Lutheran sensibilities, Pastor Norman Schroeder inserted a previously unsung hymn, “Through Jesus’ Blood and Merit,” into the church service. “I remember paging to hymn 372 and thinking that it looked unfamiliar,” said helpless victim Delores Hamilton from her hospital bed. “My heart started pounding in my chest! My vision narrowed! As we started singing my hands trembled uncontrollably. I felt lightheaded! I don’t even think I made it through the first stanza before I passed out.” First responders were overwhelmed by the chaotic scene. Ambulances struggled to make their way through the terrified mob streaming through the church parking lot. Inside the sanctuary, hundreds were incapacitated, many still frozen with their hands clutched over their ears in a vain attempt to shut out the unfamiliar tune. The few conscious congregants were in such a weakened state they were unable to assist their more gravely injured Lutherans. “We haven’t seen such a tragedy since the Reformed Church tried to introduce a contemporary version of the Song of Simeon,” lamented local Police Chief Richard Johnson. “Thank goodness there was no loss of life. If we hadn’t tasered the organist, the death toll would have been truly catastrophic.” The investigation is only beginning, but already red warning lights are flashing in the eyes of any common sense Lutheran. Why didn’t Pastor Schroeder run his plans through the worship committee? Why wasn’t the hymn tune introduced as postlude, prelude, and offertory? Why weren’t congregants warned the standard three months in advance that a new hymn was being introduced? Only a fair, impartial investigation and the immediate excommunication of Pastor Schroeder can ensure such a tragedy never occurs again. Religion. The cause of most of the world's wars and such. Even Hitler and his Nazi's had weird beliefs guiding some of their dealings....we humans are a STRANGE BUNCH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
librarian Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Is this an onion story? :hi: 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greyfriar Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J2112YYZ Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Obviously fake. But yeah, there are those who take their religion so serious that anything new introduced to them can cause quite the upheaval. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucas Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 First responders were overwhelmed by the chaotic scene. Ambulances struggled to make their way through the terrified mob streaming through the church parking lot. Inside the sanctuary, hundreds were incapacitated, many still frozen with their hands clutched over their ears in a vain attempt to shut out the unfamiliar tune. The few conscious congregants were in such a weakened state they were unable to assist their more gravely injured Lutherans. .. sounds like some of the members here when you ask them to listen to anything recorded after 2000 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J2112YYZ Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 First responders were overwhelmed by the chaotic scene. Ambulances struggled to make their way through the terrified mob streaming through the church parking lot. Inside the sanctuary, hundreds were incapacitated, many still frozen with their hands clutched over their ears in a vain attempt to shut out the unfamiliar tune. The few conscious congregants were in such a weakened state they were unable to assist their more gravely injured Lutherans. .. sounds like some of the members here when you ask them to listen to anything recorded after 2000 Forget that. I think anything recorded after 1989 scares them. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraroc Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Someone must have given the organist the sheet music to Square Hammer. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J2112YYZ Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Someone must have given the organist the sheet music to Square Hammer. There are better Ghost songs to scare the religious more than that one. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greyfriar Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Johannes Bugenhagen?Carl Bugenhagen?Bueller? :smoke: :hail: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Someone must have given the organist the sheet music to Square Hammer.:haz: 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goose Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 First responders were overwhelmed by the chaotic scene. Ambulances struggled to make their way through the terrified mob streaming through the church parking lot. Inside the sanctuary, hundreds were incapacitated, many still frozen with their hands clutched over their ears in a vain attempt to shut out the unfamiliar tune. The few conscious congregants were in such a weakened state they were unable to assist their more gravely injured Lutherans. .. sounds like some of the members here when you ask them to listen to anything recorded after 2000 Forget that. I think anything recorded after 1989 scares them. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babycat Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Someone must have given the organist the sheet music to Square Hammer. Or In A Gadda Da Vida... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Union 5-3992 Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Fake news 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnRogers Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Skip all the big church bureaucracies, go straight to the source, Zelix. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldRUSHfan Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 Is this an onion story? :hi: Nope, but it was a 'treatment' of a Lutheran humor site....I'd say it's 'onion esque'! But from what I've seen of people this would NOT surprise me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldRUSHfan Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 (edited) Someone must have given the organist the sheet music to Square Hammer. Or In A Gadda Da Vida... Or Maybe a Blu-Ray copy of William Petersen in "MANHUNTER" [1986] which has a part in the climax that "In A Gadda Da Vida" is playing...lol Edited September 30, 2018 by OldRUSHfan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
condemned2bfree Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Segue Myles Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Obviously fake. But yeah, there are those who take their religion so serious that anything new introduced to them can cause quite the upheaval. My family would betray me like Eden's father in a heartbeat. You know the reference. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 (edited) On a more interesting subject.... Edited October 1, 2018 by HemiBeers 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldRUSHfan Posted October 1, 2018 Author Share Posted October 1, 2018 Holy TITS Batman! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HemiBeers Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 Holy TITS Batman!That's a nice pair...of lights. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnRogers Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 I went to a funeral mass today and felt so out of place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILSnwdog Posted October 3, 2018 Share Posted October 3, 2018 On a more interesting subject....I have the strangest boner right now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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