For my dear wife

[J2112YYZ]

Deeply sorry for your loss :(

 

If it helps I do have a story I can share with you.

 

When I was 20 my mom passed from cancer. Odd that I type this today since it marks 18 years since that happened. It was very tough on my dad, brother, grandparents and myself but we got through it together. Hopefully, you have close family and friends you can lean on right now. You'll need them more than ever to pull through this.

 

Yes, time does heal all wounds. But the hurt is deepest and most bleak within the first few months. When you make it through that it gets a bit easier day by day. You never actually got over a devastating loss like this but over time it does get much better. You will move on as my dad did after a couple years. He has been with his current girlfriend for about 10 years now and have been living together for almost that long too.

 

I hope this helps you in some way to realise that you to can get through this and still have a good, happy life once again.

Edited November 28, 2016 by J2112YYZ

[Rod in Toronto]

Toymaker, I had no idea...so sorry for your loss! That was a heartbreaking post. I wouldn´t dare to give you advice on how to cope with the loss of your wife, but I´m sending you good vibes like you asked. I guess that a huge part of our learning in life is how to deal with the fact that we´re only here for a limited time. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

[Blue J]

Hey, toymaker- I'm so sorry to hear this...you posted some time back that she was ill, but I had no idea that she had passed away.

 

My sincerest condolences to you, brother.

 

[toymaker]

oh ****

 

I'm sitting here with tears coming down my face

 

Mark, I am so sorry

 

Thanks, Lucas.

[toymaker]

No matter we don't know each other, I am sorry indeed for yor loss. Cherish all the great memories of her, it's the best thing to still have her with you

 

They are pretty much exclusively great memories. I remain partly baffled that she chose me and put up with me. I guess I must have made her happy. I don't really know if memories will ever numb this pain, but I hope so.

[Babycat]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife, toymaker... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sending you hugs and purrs.

[toymaker]

As if I didn't already have deep respect for your thoughtful posts which always seem to come from both your heart and mind.

I'm sorry for your loss toymaker.

 

Thanks, JB. Having Janet for my wife definitely helped me to express my feelings...one of her greatest gifts.

[toymaker]

Toymaker, if you've mentioned or hinted at this before this thread, I certainly haven't seen it. I'm so sorry for your loss. If this board can give you even the slightest of positive distractions then I'm glad we can be here for you.

 

Thanks. I've been on here long enough to know that it's a community of sincere and very amiable folks. That's why I think coming back will help. I know it's what Janet would want.

[toymaker]

I am so sorry TM.

You are a great man Mark.

Be strong.

My prayers are with you and all of your family.

 

Thanks - I can use all the help I can get... it's astonishing how much fear is wrapped up in all this grief.

[toymaker]

Mark you have family here to lean on.

So very sad for your loss and words cannot console you enough.

Remember something good about her every single day.

I know she can still make you smile and that you will always have.

God bless

Thanks, DS. I am definitely flooded with good memories. One of the first things I did was to go around the house removing every reminder of her illness. I only want to remember her in happier times - not to discount her strength and how much we loved each other through it all...but there just wasn't as much laughter. And she was all about that.

[toymaker]

I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like a beautiful person. Maybe this sounds redundant but try to just be thankful that you had something a lot of us never have experienced and try to remember the good times. Hang in there.

 

Thanks, Eagle. I was indeed a very, very lucky man.

[toymaker]

Deeply sorry for your loss :(

 

If it helps I do have a story I can share with you.

 

When I was 20 my mom passed from cancer. Odd that I type this today since it marks 18 years since that happened. It was very tough on my dad, brother, grandparents and myself but we got through it together. Hopefully, you have close family and friends you can lean on right now. You'll need them more than ever to pull through this.

 

Yes, time does heal all wounds. But the hurt is deepest and most bleak within the first few months. When you make it through that it gets a bit easier day by day. You never actually got over a devastating loss like this but over time it does get much better. You will move on as my dad did after a couple years. He has been with his current girlfriend for about 10 years now and have been living together for almost that long too.

 

I hope this helps you in some way to realise that you to can get through this and still have a good, happy life once again.

Thanks for that, J2112. Right now I also have to think about two kids, as well. They are dealing with things stoically at least on the outside. They are keeping themselves diverted, I guess. But I am thinking about family grief counseling.

[toymaker]

Toymaker, I had no idea...so sorry for your loss! That was a heartbreaking post. I wouldn´t dare to give you advice on how to cope with the loss of your wife, but I´m sending you good vibes like you asked. I guess that a huge part of our learning in life is how to deal with the fact that we´re only here for a limited time. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

 

Thanks, Rod. All of these responses mean a lot, and I appreciate the gestures.

Edited November 28, 2016 by toymaker

[toymaker]

Hey, toymaker- I'm so sorry to hear this...you posted some time back that she was ill, but I had no idea that she had passed away.

 

My sincerest condolences to you, brother.

 

 

Thanks Blue. There were a couple of weeks when I couldn't really talk to anyone. I even postponed the internment and memorial service. Now that things are over (except for legal stuff like dealing with assets) I'm in a pretty dark place still, but trying to reconnect.

[toymaker]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife, toymaker... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sending you hugs and purrs.

Thanks, babycat. She really was beautiful. I have Weezie on my lap right now as I type this, so the combined purrs should help.

[Lorraine]

Mark, I am so sorry that Janet lost the battle. She fought the good fight. I wish I had answers for you, but I have none.

 

You will get through this. You have to for the two children.

 

We are no substitute for in person family and friends, but there will always be someone here for you if you need a cyber shoulder to cry on.

 

You'll be together again. The separation isn't permanent.

 

Courage, my friend.

[Fridge]

Anything I can say will be inadequate, but know that you have my deepest condolences and my sincere hope that you will get through this as best you can....

[Geddy's Soul Patch]

Oh man. This is absolutely heartbreaking. You've always been one of the raddest people on this forum, and my thoughts are during this tragic time.

[toymaker]

Mark, I am so sorry that Janet lost the battle. She fought the good fight. I wish I had answers for you, but I have none.

 

You will get through this. You have to for the two children.

 

We are no substitute for in person family and friends, but there will always be someone here for you if you need a cyber shoulder to cry on.

 

You'll be together again. The separation isn't permanent.

 

Courage, my friend.

 

Thanks, Lorraine. I hope that is true. Right now I just feel exhausted, numb, panicked and directionless all at the same time. The thought of all this legal and financial crap waiting to be done is also the stuff of nightmares...I can certainly use the courage.

[toymaker]

Anything I can say will be inadequate, but know that you have my deepest condolences and my sincere hope that you will get through this as best you can....

 

Thanks Fridge. There are no words, but the words still matter, if you know what I mean. I appreciate it.

[toymaker]

Oh man. This is absolutely heartbreaking. You've always been one of the raddest people on this forum, and my thoughts are during this tragic time.

 

Thanks GSP. I'm sure I'll be in and out of the forum. I'm torn between wanting to immerse myself in memories and all the pain of the moment and diverting myself with movies, little missions, and getting lost in the Internet. But being involved with a community of cool people is more than a diversion.

[Lorraine]

Mark, I am so sorry that Janet lost the battle. She fought the good fight. I wish I had answers for you, but I have none.

 

You will get through this. You have to for the two children.

 

We are no substitute for in person family and friends, but there will always be someone here for you if you need a cyber shoulder to cry on.

 

You'll be together again. The separation isn't permanent.

 

Courage, my friend.

 

Thanks, Lorraine. I hope that is true. Right now I just feel exhausted, numb, panicked and directionless all at the same time. The thought of all this legal and financial crap waiting to be done is also the stuff of nightmares...I can certainly use the courage.

Do you have anyone to help with the financial and legal aspects? If there is no deadline for either, don't push yourself to do it right now.

Edited November 28, 2016 by Lorraine

[toymaker]

Mark, I am so sorry that Janet lost the battle. She fought the good fight. I wish I had answers for you, but I have none.

 

You will get through this. You have to for the two children.

 

We are no substitute for in person family and friends, but there will always be someone here for you if you need a cyber shoulder to cry on.

 

You'll be together again. The separation isn't permanent.

 

Courage, my friend.

 

Thanks, Lorraine. I hope that is true. Right now I just feel exhausted, numb, panicked and directionless all at the same time. The thought of all this legal and financial crap waiting to be done is also the stuff of nightmares...I can certainly use the courage.

Do you have anyone to help with the financial and legal aspects? If there is no deadline for either, don't push yourself to do it right now.

 

Yes, there is some support there. I'm sort of torn between not wanting the hassle of doing it and wanting to do it because it's something to do, if you know what I mean. Because whenever I sit and start reflecting, this oppressive panicky fog settles in. I feel like I have the flu. I want people and I don't want people.

 

I'm just the kind of person who needs to get things done (mostly); unfortunately, I am the least-equipped person I know of to deal with forms and bureaucracy!

[Lorraine]

Mark, I am so sorry that Janet lost the battle. She fought the good fight. I wish I had answers for you, but I have none.

 

You will get through this. You have to for the two children.

 

We are no substitute for in person family and friends, but there will always be someone here for you if you need a cyber shoulder to cry on.

 

You'll be together again. The separation isn't permanent.

 

Courage, my friend.

 

Thanks, Lorraine. I hope that is true. Right now I just feel exhausted, numb, panicked and directionless all at the same time. The thought of all this legal and financial crap waiting to be done is also the stuff of nightmares...I can certainly use the courage.

Do you have anyone to help with the financial and legal aspects? If there is no deadline for either, don't push yourself to do it right now.

 

Yes, there is some support there. I'm sort of torn between not wanting the hassle of doing it and wanting to do it because it's something to do, if you know what I mean. Because whenever I sit and start reflecting, this oppressive panicky fog settles in. I feel like I have the flu. I want people and I don't want people.

 

I'm just the kind of person who needs to get things done (mostly); unfortunately, I am the least-equipped person I know of to deal with forms and bureaucracy!

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about, and feeling like that (wanting to do/not do - go/not go - etc.) I think is part of being in shock, or having suffered a traumatic occurrence.

 

Do yourself a favor and, if you have help and support available, take it.

[Red Dwarf]

I feel your pain! Be Strong and Remember The Good Times!

GOD BLESS.