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An Assessment Of Future Touring Prospects

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#141 Steve Smith

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 08:49 PM

I was in a Chinese restaurant the other day

I said to the waiter this chicken is "rubbery"

He said "Oh thank you very much sir"

Haha ha

Just like that!!!

Edited by Steve Smith, 27 March 2017 - 08:54 PM.


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#142 condemned2bfree

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 02:23 AM

Sad news today. Just got back from my friends funeral, he got killed by a tennis ball. It was a lovely service

#143 condemned2bfree

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 02:34 AM

But it was ok, somebody complimented me on my driving, there was a little piece of paper on my car that said "parking fine"

So I got home and read a book, "the history of glue" I couldn't put it down.

"Just like that!"

#144 condemned2bfree

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

Edited by condemned2bfree, 28 March 2017 - 02:40 AM.


#145 Steve Smith

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 06:21 PM

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

I saw two chimpanzees drinking in a bar. One said "hoo hoo hoo hoo!" the other one said "Well put some cold water in it"

He was a genuos XXXXXX Asked the Queen for her cup final ticket and her Majesty burst into laughter, that is how much he was loved XXX

#146 Steve Smith

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 06:25 PM

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:23 AM, said:

Sad news today. Just got back from my friends funeral, he got killed by a tennis ball. It was a lovely service

Gogin walks into a bar and sees Van Gogh. He says hello Vince do you want a pint?

No its ok I've got one 'ere

#147 Steve Smith

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 09:26 PM

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

I bought an opera record after the world cup in Italy in 1990. 30 quid it cost me!

Three Tenors ha haha

#148 Steve Smith

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 09:30 PM

View PostSteve Smith, on 28 March 2017 - 06:25 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:23 AM, said:

Sad news today. Just got back from my friends funeral, he got killed by a tennis ball. It was a lovely service

Gogin walks into a bar and sees Van Gogh. He says hello Vince do you want a pint?

No its ok I've got one 'ere

Woman at a bus stop doing arm exercises and saying "I must, I must improve my bust!"

Bloke says what you doing that for and she says the doctor said it would improve my flat chest and my bra size has gone up 2 sizes in a month.

Woman comes to the bus stop next day and hears the same bloke saying "Hickory Dickory Dock"

#149 Steve Smith

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 09:37 PM

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

https://youtu.be/8lVd3Pl3z3M

Just brilliant!!!!!

#150 condemned2bfree

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Posted 29 March 2017 - 01:11 AM

View PostSteve Smith, on 28 March 2017 - 09:37 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

https://youtu.be/8lVd3Pl3z3M

Just brilliant!!!!!

I watch these quite a lot, cheers me up :)  If anybody else says these jokes its kinda meh! but Mr coopers delivery was just amazing.

Tragic what happened to him at the end, I guess there is not better way to go out, and he would of liked it that way.

#151 Steve Smith

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Posted 29 March 2017 - 10:45 PM

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 29 March 2017 - 01:11 AM, said:

View PostSteve Smith, on 28 March 2017 - 09:37 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

https://youtu.be/8lVd3Pl3z3M

Just brilliant!!!!!

I watch these quite a lot, cheers me up :)  If anybody else says these jokes its kinda meh! but Mr coopers delivery was just amazing.

Tragic what happened to him at the end, I guess there is not better way to go out, and he would of liked it that way.

It is the best way to go out doing what you love, my friend :P ;) :D

#152 Steve Smith

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Posted 29 March 2017 - 10:49 PM

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

Tommy would have gone through the Pearly Gates and said

"Oh just done a terrible gig, I died on stage"

#153 Steve Smith

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Posted 30 March 2017 - 12:01 AM

Reported that a man today broke into the local nick and stole all of the toilet bowls

Police say they have nothing to go on

Hahaha I thank you!

#154 Steve Smith

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Posted 30 March 2017 - 12:04 AM

A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."

#155 Steve Smith

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Posted 30 March 2017 - 12:13 AM

Bill and Ben sitting in a bar

Bill says to Ben "Flubba lubba lub"

Ben says "Go home, you're pissed"

Just like that!

#156 condemned2bfree

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Posted 30 March 2017 - 01:20 AM

View PostSteve Smith, on 29 March 2017 - 10:49 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

Tommy would have gone through the Pearly Gates and said

"Oh just done a terrible gig, I died on stage"

:clap: :lol:

#157 Steve Smith

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Posted 30 March 2017 - 06:10 PM

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 30 March 2017 - 01:20 AM, said:

View PostSteve Smith, on 29 March 2017 - 10:49 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

Tommy would have gone through the Pearly Gates and said

"Oh just done a terrible gig, I died on stage"

:clap: :lol:

He was just so much of a wonderful humble, brilliantly talented sweet kind man.

His motto was, hey just laugh at me and my misfortune.

Rather than the arrogant nasty self righteous comics we get these day who think that they are much better and more clever than all of us. That t**t Jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle come to mind, they could not lace Tommy's boots

Tommy was better than all of them put together.

That was why everyone loved him, just like Norman Wisdom

End of

Steve :D :P ;)

#158 condemned2bfree

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Posted 31 March 2017 - 03:42 PM

View PostSteve Smith, on 30 March 2017 - 06:10 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 30 March 2017 - 01:20 AM, said:

View PostSteve Smith, on 29 March 2017 - 10:49 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

Tommy would have gone through the Pearly Gates and said

"Oh just done a terrible gig, I died on stage"

:clap: :lol:

He was just so much of a wonderful humble, brilliantly talented sweet kind man.

His motto was, hey just laugh at me and my misfortune.

Rather than the arrogant nasty self righteous comics we get these day who think that they are much better and more clever than all of us. That t**t Jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle come to mind, they could not lace Tommy's boots

Tommy was better than all of them put together.

That was why everyone loved him, just like Norman Wisdom

End of

Steve :D :P ;)

You could add Ricky Gervais to the list. The Office was fantastic but as a stand up, he is more of a fall down. Like Frankie, Gervais relies on shock, rather than self deprecating style, bit of a one trick pony. I dont mind shock extreme humour, but when it becomes a comedians default approach, it wears thin.

There are some extreme material un pc comics I like, but they mix self deprecating style too, if its not done a lot, like Geravais, it comes across, as pompous and smug, as Gervais, Boyle, and Carr, are to me. Almost waiting for them...'how far are they going to push it now?" rather than be totally immersed in  funny patter.

I really love the banter in Open all hours, THE ORIGINAL MIND.

Some of the dialogue is beautifully funny, especially between Arkwright Mrs Blewitt Granville.

Sorry Steve, you have got me going, I could ramble on about comedy, especially sit coms, for a long time.

Obviously better to watch, but here are a few beauts;

Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: She has a face like a fit.

Arkwright: Aye, but what it would fit, I'll never know. It is like her facial muscles don't know the meaning of the word "teamwork".


Remember Arkwright has got a stutter<


Arkwright: D'ya know what you need? A good walloping.

Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, yeah and who's gonna give it to me?

Arkwright: I? I? I am.

Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, three of you.


Mrs Blewitt: I wouldn't give tuppence for his kidneys. How much is your boiled ham?

Arkwright, Its a bit more than his Kidneys


Granville: I've got the blood of poets and lovers in my veins.

Arkwright: [as Granville leaves] Yes. And at least one electrician.


Posted Image


#159 Steve Smith

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Posted 31 March 2017 - 05:35 PM

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 31 March 2017 - 03:42 PM, said:

View PostSteve Smith, on 30 March 2017 - 06:10 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 30 March 2017 - 01:20 AM, said:

View PostSteve Smith, on 29 March 2017 - 10:49 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

Tommy would have gone through the Pearly Gates and said

"Oh just done a terrible gig, I died on stage"

:clap: :lol:

He was just so much of a wonderful humble, brilliantly talented sweet kind man.

His motto was, hey just laugh at me and my misfortune.

Rather than the arrogant nasty self righteous comics we get these day who think that they are much better and more clever than all of us. That t**t Jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle come to mind, they could not lace Tommy's boots

Tommy was better than all of them put together.

That was why everyone loved him, just like Norman Wisdom

End of

Steve :D :P ;)

You could add Ricky Gervais to the list. The Office was fantastic but as a stand up, he is more of a fall down. Like Frankie, Gervais relies on shock, rather than self deprecating style, bit of a one trick pony. I dont mind shock extreme humour, but when it becomes a comedians default approach, it wears thin.

There are some extreme material un pc comics I like, but they mix self deprecating style too, if its not done a lot, like Geravais, it comes across, as pompous and smug, as Gervais, Boyle, and Carr, are to me. Almost waiting for them...'how far are they going to push it now?" rather than be totally immersed in  funny patter.

I really love the banter in Open all hours, THE ORIGINAL MIND.

Some of the dialogue is beautifully funny, especially between Arkwright Mrs Blewitt Granville.

Sorry Steve, you have got me going, I could ramble on about comedy, especially sit coms, for a long time.

Obviously better to watch, but here are a few beauts;

Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: She has a face like a fit.
Arkwright: Aye, but what it would fit, I'll never know. It is like her facial muscles don't know the meaning of the word "teamwork".

Remember Arkwright has got a stutter<

Arkwright: D'ya know what you need? A good walloping.
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, yeah and who's gonna give it to me?
Arkwright: I? I? I am.
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, three of you.

Mrs Blewitt: I wouldn't give tuppence for his kidneys. How much is your boiled ham?
Arkwright, Its a bit more than his Kidneys

Granville: I've got the blood of poets and lovers in my veins.
Arkwright: [as Granville leaves] Yes. And at least one electrician.

Posted Image

Yes Ronnie B was a genuious. He submitted his scripts for the show under an alias "Gerald Wylie" so the shows producers would not be influenced one way or the other.

It just bugs me that these days so called comedians seem to have such an arrogant attitude like "Look how funny I am". And most of them are really not funny, they have these shows like "Mock The Week" that are purposely designed as a showpiece for them and they are given time to prepare for just to self advertise themselves.

Show after show is commissioned by lazy overpaid talentless coke snorting TV executives to feed to the masses. The format started with "Have I got News for you" and it has been done to death.

With regard to "The Office" Gervais did expose the pomposity and stupidity of an office manager but I am really bored with the "mockumentary" genre now. It has just been totally flogged to death and I don't find it funny or clever anymore.

Christopher Guest created a masterpiece with Spinal Tap but I am sure he is pissed off and fed up with the genre now.

Also "character comedies" irritate me

"Da Ali G show"  "Is it because I am black??" No Sasha you are Jewish. And you have very very little talent and use such an unfunny and basic approach to your "work" that is completely intellectually lazy and derivative and has been done to death.

#160 Steve Smith

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Posted 31 March 2017 - 05:41 PM

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 31 March 2017 - 03:42 PM, said:

View PostSteve Smith, on 30 March 2017 - 06:10 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 30 March 2017 - 01:20 AM, said:

View PostSteve Smith, on 29 March 2017 - 10:49 PM, said:

View Postcondemned2bfree, on 28 March 2017 - 02:38 AM, said:

Sorry Two ariels met on a roof, and got married. The wedding was atrocious, but the reception was excellent.


The way he told them, there will never be another Tommy cooper!

Tommy would have gone through the Pearly Gates and said

"Oh just done a terrible gig, I died on stage"

:clap: :lol:

He was just so much of a wonderful humble, brilliantly talented sweet kind man.

His motto was, hey just laugh at me and my misfortune.

Rather than the arrogant nasty self righteous comics we get these day who think that they are much better and more clever than all of us. That t**t Jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle come to mind, they could not lace Tommy's boots

Tommy was better than all of them put together.

That was why everyone loved him, just like Norman Wisdom

End of

Steve :D :P ;)

You could add Ricky Gervais to the list. The Office was fantastic but as a stand up, he is more of a fall down. Like Frankie, Gervais relies on shock, rather than self deprecating style, bit of a one trick pony. I dont mind shock extreme humour, but when it becomes a comedians default approach, it wears thin.

There are some extreme material un pc comics I like, but they mix self deprecating style too, if its not done a lot, like Geravais, it comes across, as pompous and smug, as Gervais, Boyle, and Carr, are to me. Almost waiting for them...'how far are they going to push it now?" rather than be totally immersed in  funny patter.

I really love the banter in Open all hours, THE ORIGINAL MIND.

Some of the dialogue is beautifully funny, especially between Arkwright Mrs Blewitt Granville.

Sorry Steve, you have got me going, I could ramble on about comedy, especially sit coms, for a long time.

Obviously better to watch, but here are a few beauts;

Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: She has a face like a fit.
Arkwright: Aye, but what it would fit, I'll never know. It is like her facial muscles don't know the meaning of the word "teamwork".

Remember Arkwright has got a stutter<

Arkwright: D'ya know what you need? A good walloping.
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, yeah and who's gonna give it to me?
Arkwright: I? I? I am.
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, three of you.

Mrs Blewitt: I wouldn't give tuppence for his kidneys. How much is your boiled ham?
Arkwright, Its a bit more than his Kidneys

Granville: I've got the blood of poets and lovers in my veins.
Arkwright: [as Granville leaves] Yes. And at least one electrician.

Posted Image

Thanks Tommy you are one of the few people I can actually make an honest comment to here and not get a load of stuff back

Take care

Smitty




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